Letter to a fraud

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Letter to a fraud

Postby Eendje » Wed Sep 29, 2010 9:21 am

I was just pointed, by Daftbeaker, at this wonderful person form the US: Adreas Moritz; http://www.ener-chi.com/
Basically, another stinking pile of alternative/homeopathic/holistic menure.
I'm thinking of contacting, and pointing him at the flaw in his theory :

he claims that all know diseases, depressions, wars and climate change are caused by "energy imbalance" of the body, which can be cured by buying one of his pebbles or vieweing one of his pictures. This is only partially right. He is correct, but he has missed the greater underlying cause of the energy imbalance:
Noodly Appendage Touch Deprivation, or NATD.

This underlying, spiritual cause of damage can easily be cured by, among others, wearing an eyepatch (order at http://www.buyaneyepatch.com) or clothing showing His Image (order at http://www.venganza.org), by eating lots of pasta and by growing dreadlocks (representations of the Noodly Appendage).
As for the "ionized stones" mr. Moritz is so keen on sharing with the world, they do have some effect, but the effect would be much greater if, instead of ordinary pebbles, one were to use the Most Holy Meatballs.

Any more suggestions on this?

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Re: Letter to a fraud

Postby Tigger_the_Wing » Wed Sep 29, 2010 9:11 pm

How about something involving grog, sea-shanties or carbonara sauce?

And don't forget the strippers!

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Re: Letter to a fraud

Postby daftbeaker » Wed Sep 29, 2010 9:36 pm

Erm, if you can bear to look at a frankly rude post, here's my original one :wink:

If you want any pointers or someone to proof-read the letter (I know English isn't your first language) I'd be more than happy to :wink:

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Re: Letter to a fraud

Postby Eendje » Thu Sep 30, 2010 3:17 pm

Dear mr. Moritz,

I was pointed at your website by a friend of mine, and have read through it with interest. Your understanding of the human body and soul is impressive, as is your knowledge on ions. My, those so-called "scientists" could learn a thing or two from that.

What I have not yet found in your flood of information though, is the underlying cause of the energy imbalance that causes illnesses. The fact that this energy imbalance exists, and causes diseases and other negative ffects, is well-known, but what few people realize is what this energy imbalance is caused by: Noodly Appendage Touch Deprivation, or NATD.

I'm sure the mechanics are not unfamiliar to you, but to make sure we're talking about the same thing here, I'll sketch my perception. As we know, the universe and everything therein is connected by the Flying Spaghetti Monster, known by the ancient Chinese as "chi" - as can be seen, the kaligraphic symbol for "chi" is a stylized representation of a big wiry mess, or His Noodliness.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster, a kind being, touches people with His Noodly Appendage, for this brings balance and goodness to people. However, He has only so many Appendages, and not being 100% all the time, he can miss out on people occasionaly. When this happens often, people can get NATD.

Of course, the easiest way to cure NATD is to say a prayer, dressed in full Pirate regalia; this is sure to attract His attention. Some of the natural cures mentioned on your website can work too, in a way, but are, as far as I can tell, not used optimally.

Take, for instance, your "ionized stones". Any person with a reasonable amount of physics education can tell you that such a thing doesn't exist, since an ionized object (what physicists call "electrically charged") will discharge very fast in air, and will discharge quite violently when touched. This means that the "ionized" bit of the deal is rubbish. The fact that the stones still have healing potential is, of course, due to their resemblance to the Holy Meatballs. The fact that they have only a very small healing capability (no more then any other placebo, in fact) is because they only resemble Meatballs very vaguely. This means that using a normal Meatball would be much healthier, and tastier.

Now that I've explained the basics, I'm sure your logical, educated mind will soon understand how this reasoning holds for your various other methods of applied idiocy.

Kind regards,

-Eendje's name-, a concerned Pastafarian.

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Re: Letter to a fraud

Postby Roy Hunter » Thu Sep 30, 2010 4:55 pm

:worship: :worship: :worship:

Now we need to write to the International Classification of Diseases and get them to recognise NATD, give it a classification number. Then I can try to open a HomeoPasta-ic hospital in Glasgow, next to the Homeopathic Hospital. Maybe we can have study days, where they bring their water and we bring our pasta?

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