Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

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Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby gronank » Thu Oct 13, 2011 6:49 pm

Roy Hunter wrote:I humbly submit this for peer review.

I'd far rather have a Peer Revue, in which Peers Of The Realm, Lords both Temporal and Spiritual, entertained me with comedy skits, songs and dancing, but peer review will do.

Roy Hunter wrote:Garlic is sold per
bulb, but the recipe invariably quantifies it per clove.
I'm missing a discussion about the weights of these bulbs of garlic: do you suppose a light bulb would introduce undesirable crunchiness to whatever dish it partake in?
Disclaimer: Anything I say on topics of Politics, Economics, Pychology, History, really anything not concerned with the natural sciences and mathematics and especially topics concerning human behavior and/or thoughts, that is not associated with a proper reference is pure speculation on my part.

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Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby pieces o'nine » Fri Oct 14, 2011 12:31 am

Roy: :worship:

That is one of the finest specimens of scholarship upon which I have ever set mine eyes. I feel that the entire Pastafarian Community owes you a revue of just the sort you had in mind, but alas, it is not likely. As an alternative, I humbly offer a round of whatever it is appropriate for you and your peers to be drinking and I WILL PUT IT ON MY OWN TABBE.*

-pieces
whose mind is still reeling :worship:



* Don't let this get around as I don't intend to let it become habitual!
I will honor Monkey in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
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Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby DavidH » Fri Oct 14, 2011 5:13 am

Roy, I reckon that's worth a PhD, BLitt and bar with little shiny dangly things. Absolutely superb and deserves a wider audience. Maybe db's got a point about Radio4?

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Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby black bart » Mon Oct 17, 2011 8:57 am

I think my certificate is absolutely brilliant. Should I download it from your website or do you need to e mail it? It will go up on me cabin wall wiv all me other certificates...such as:

Fyshe Head Stoo Quality Assurance Egon Ronay 1765 (eventually Egon agreed to thee hindorsement after being made to eat three bowls).
Nasty Captain of thee Year 1776 Runner Up.
Long Winded Tale Man Over-Board prize 1777 (this be awarded to the story wot made thee most men jump over board whilst it was bein read out).
The Captain Ahab Award for staying tied to a whale 1778 (me croo eventually agreed to untie me after I admitted waterin down thee rum tots).
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

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Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby Roland Deschain » Mon Oct 17, 2011 9:59 pm

black bart wrote:I think my certificate is absolutely brilliant. Should I download it from your website or do you need to e mail it?

Thanks Bart, it was a pleasure to make. You need to download it from the thumbnail link I gave you above. Its size is comparable to normal certificates, something I made sure of when I first made the templates. Once the webpage opens, just click the certificate to view it full-size. Imageshack.us doesn't like showing pics full-size straight off. The background is one I made with effects to make it look like parchment. I don't know how it comes out when printed, as I haven't made myself an official one, and I won't until I finally get around to writing my own thesis.

Hi Roy. I have your certificate below, with full thesis title managing to fit, if a little bulging at the sides :haha: Sorry it's taken so long, but I seem to be busy these days. I hope you enjoy it:-
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Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby pieces o'nine » Mon Oct 17, 2011 11:33 pm

They print very nicely, Roland; I'm getting mine framed to hang with my other dipomas & awarrrghds and stuff. :grin:
I will honor Monkey in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
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Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard » Sun Oct 23, 2011 7:56 pm

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
hay unca woelind um rrr
do i git me dapoma in avance dypur teknalogee ?
ow abowt lolly tastin?
rrrrrrrrrrrr
cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.

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Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby Roland Deschain » Mon Oct 24, 2011 6:17 am

Hello there, young scamp. How are you today? Being good I hope. As Unkie Roy says, you need to write a little story first, then I will give you your diploma. It's like being at school, where you have to do a little bit of work to get the good marks. If you find it hard, i'm sure that Unkie Fartie can help you out there. Once you've done that, then you can get your special diploma for being a very good boy.
Roland Deschain - Half prophet, half gunslinger, all Pastafarian!

"Since Alexander Pearce escaped, over 250 people have disappeared in the Tasmanian wilderness. No remains have ever been found." - Dying Breed

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Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby black bart » Mon Oct 24, 2011 4:43 pm

:paranoid: :paranoid:

...er...Sorry Nef Yoo, I have just set sail for Timbuktu/Wagga Wagga/Nantucket/insert appropriate destination...Will help with Diploma when I return in about 40 years.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

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Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard » Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:15 am

Um... hokay, heer me storey.

Why yer shood niver eet cheez befour bedtime by Nef Yoo BlackBeard age 3
Um… hokay, so thee goode shippe Lollypoppe wuz in Portsmuff fer supwyse, lyke lollys an peetzer an chocklit milk and sech, an an an thee crew wuz all thayre, seaman Stanes, master Bates, an Roger thee cabin buoy, hexcep we ran owtuv fish ed stoo, an thee crew wuz lyke hooray hooray thayres no fish ed stoo! but hi says hokay hi go inter town an gets sum. So I puts on a fresh dyper an gets mee bagger dubloons an goes inter town.

Hi goes inter thee first shop an says hi coman yer giv mee fish ed stoo! an thee man says hi ain’t got nun, so I runnim froo an goes to thee nex shoppe an says to thee man hi coman yer gib mee fish ed stoo! an he says he ain’t got nun eever. Hi ax him wye an hee says thet bart innerstrees bin shut down by thee viro-mental helff an thee revenue man again. So hi runnim froo an go to thee nex shoppe.

Thee nex shoppe is thee same, an mee cutlass is getting blunt wiff all thee runnin froo by now, so hi stops to have a fink.



Hi sitten on a bench on thee hi street, an thares theez men all playen geetars an blowen on pan pipes, an they dressed in big doormats wiff funny hats on. So hi goes up ter thum an sez duz yer noe ware hi kin get sum fish ed stoo? an wun o them sez “Buenos Dias Senor! We are the finest Peruvian boskers in all of Portsmout. You want to buy a CD of pen pipe music? Ees muy muy relaxoso!” So hi sez no hi looken fur fish ed stoo, nut cds, duz yer no ware hi kin get sum? an thee bloke says “Bueno, Senor, I do not know, but I know someone who does, my brother he has these llama, ees very clever llama, eet knows everytheeng”.

So we goes to see thee mans bruvver, an thee bruvver got this stupid looken sheep wiff a big long neck, but hi carnt see no llama. Hi dunt noe wot a llama looks lyke, but it dunt look lyke noe sheep. But thee blokes bruvver is wareig thee same sort of doormat an silly hat, they all look thee same lyke thee Ramones or sumfink, an hee sez “Hola Senor! Theese ees my llama, ees a verry especial llama, every day eet tells thee fortunes and answers thee questions. We call eet El Llama del Dia, but that joke eet no work so good in Spanish, so we call it the Daily Llama”.

So hi sez “Oy! Stupid sheep fingy! Hi coman yer tell me ware hi get fish ed stoo!” an the llama looks at me an then spits on mee jyint hatte. Thee bloke, or it mytev been is bruvver hi dunno, says “Senor, you must speak to the Daily Llama respectfully or eet weel not answer you” so hi sez good hafternoon sur! Hi am thee notarised… notortoise… famous Capn Nef Yoo BlackBeard of thee goode shippe Lollypoppe, an hi needs ter find me sum fish ed stoo fer me crew iffn yer wooden mine, fank ye yer welkum?

“Ah, fish head stew, eh?” says thee llama, an he sownds juss lyke thet Steven Fry bloke offer thee telly, “Well, I am afraid to tell you, young man, that there is no fish head stew to be had in all of Portsmouth. If fish head stew is what you really want, what you really need, then I am afraid you must undertake a perilous and unpleasant voyage. It will be dark and noisy, smelly, cramped and dangerous, you will meet many dangers and fight off many foes on the way: you must take a train to London. South West Trains, part of the Stagecoach group run by those fundamentalist idiots Ann Gloag and Brian Souter. I wish you good luck, and may the Flying Spaghetti Monster go with you”.

So hi goes to thee trane stayshun to gets mee ticket. Thee man at thee ticket office says “Are you travelling alone? Because the Super Midweek Saver ticket is not applicable to children travelling on their own unless it is a Bank Holiday Monday in a month with an R in it. I could give you a one-way Ultra-Saver Family ticket via Milton Keynes but only if you are travelling back yesterday. Failing that I can offer you a First Class business ticket with complementary champagne which you can’t have because you are a child for £457.22” so hi runnim froo wiff mee cutlass. Thee cue of peoples beehynd mee all started ter cheer.

Hi goes ter thee platform to get on thee train, an they’res thee Daily Llama standin there, so hi says hello llama, wuts you doin heer? an he says “Well, my dear chap, I find myself somewhat less than enamoured with my current compatriots and their tedious pan pipe dirges, I feel the need to spread my wings a little, although only metaphorically of course, being a llama, but I thought ‘Why not? Why not head off to London for an adventure with this young man? It must be better than having one’s picture taken with tourists and telling fortunes’. Also, I forgot to give you something. When you get to London, you’ll be needing this” an thee llama gives me an ole cardboard box wiff a bit of string to carry it rown yer neck. “Don’t open it just now” he says “You’ll know when to open it, when to use it”.

So we gets on thee train an thee llama says to me “Now, I know you are a notorious pirate captain, the scourge of the seven seas no doubt, but might you indulge me on this occasion and leave all the talking to me? These railway types are very officious and pernickety, and it is your first time dealing with them” so I sez wut? an he sez “Shut up and let me do the talking”. Juss then this horrible ogre cums running up thee train, an he meyken theez horrible noyzes an he smells reely bad so hi goes fer me cutlass, but thee llama stops me. “AAARRRGGHHH!!! GRRROAAAWWWRRRR!!! WARE BEE YER TICKET! WWWRRROOOAARRRRGGHHH!!! I COMAN YER SHOW MEE YER TICKET!!!” screams thee ogre.

“Now look here my good man, there’s no need for that. This poor child is deaf, he cannot hear a word you are saying” sez thee llama.
“YER A SHEEEEP!!! YER CARNT BRING NO SHEEEP ON NO TRAYNE!!! IMMA MAKE KEEBABS WIFF YER GRWOAAAAARRRRR!!!” says thee ticket hinspeckter.
“Actually, I am a llama, not a sheep. Lama Glama, not Ovis Aries to be precise in the matter; in fact I am a guide llama for the deaf. This young man is exempt from holding a ticket due to his status as a deaf dwarf orphan from the family of a Chelsea Pensioner, and I am allowed to travel with him free of charge as his guide animal. It is all in the standard terms of carriage, section 16 subsection 11 paragraph 3. You do have your copy of the standard terms of carriage with you, don’t you? Oh dear, that would be a glaring omission on the part of a ticket inspector, but on this occasion perhaps I won’t mention it to your superiors. I trust we understand each other? I will wish you good day, sir”.
Thee ticket ogre whisperz “I GOT SOM MINT SAUCE WIFF YER NAYME ON IT, SHEEEP…” an then ee goes back down thee train agen to eet sum German backpackers wiff sum fava beens an a nyce chianti.

So we gets ter London an wee gets off thee train an goes owt of thee stayshun, and thare is this big court house wiff loads of peeples and fertogrufers an sech an they all showten HANG IM! HANG IM! at this chubby bald bloke, an then hi has anuvver look an it’s Unkle Farty! Unkle Farty in London goin into thee court wiff a bunch of pleecemans! Unkle Farty muss be reely importent ter be garded by so menny pleecemens, so we goes ter see wot is happenin.

So we goes inter thee court, an thare’s Unkle Farty right up in his own speshul box ryte at thee front, an this bloke in a wigge juss lyke Thee Black Spotte stands up ter speek. “If it please your Lordship, I will begin by laying the charges before Mr. Bartholemew Antony Wolfric Brian Blackbart, of no fixed abode, care of Portsmouth Police. Mr Blackbart, you are charged that on the nineteenth of September in the year of our lord 1749, at your premises in Portsmouth, you did wilfully and with malice aforethought produce Fish Head Stew using condemned fish heads that were not fit for human consumption, and had in fact been retrieved from a landfill site by person or persons unknown, possibly a dog working under the alias of ‘Milo’; to the personal injury and peril of the public of that town. How do you plead?”
So Unkle Farty says “Ooh, I can feel a proper rasper coming on, isn’t it? Nobody light a candle, eh? Too much Theakston’s Old Peculier last night, Boyo. Hang on to your hats, here it comes…” an then Unkle Farty lets out a reeeeeeeely biiiiiiig faaaaaaaaaaart!
THTHTHTHTHTHTHTHTHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPP
PPPPPPSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSH
FFFFFFFFFFFFFPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPT!!!!!….
THRPT!!!!…THRPT!!!…PFFFTTT!!!...psssssss…..


All thee blokes get thare wigs blown off, an lots of thee ladees fainted, peeples started clymin over thee seets to hescape thee dreadful smell. Thee llama sez to mee “Now! Now is the time to open the box!” so hi opens thee box, an thare’s this rubber mask wiff two big glass eye holes an a big long nose bit. “It’s a gas mask! put it on now!” says thee llama, and then he passes out from thee stench. So hi puts on thee gas mask and starts tryen to hescape.

Juss then, thee gas in thee court room hexplodes frum someones pipe settin it on fyre. BOOOOMMM!!! an then hi gets blowed hacross the street an lands on a pleeceman. “Are you alright little boy? Where is your mummy?” sez thee pleeceman. Hi tells him hi dunt noe ware me mummy is, cus hi don’t, me auntie wunt tell me, so he sez “Well, go and try to find her! Go and ask if anyone has seen her!” so off hi goes.

So hi walkin hup an down thee street, a little buoy in mee gas mask, walkin froo thee rubble an thee smoke, an hi asken all theese people “Are you my mummy? Are you my mummy? Have you seen my mummy?”, but they all keeps screamin an runnin away. Hi muss be more notarised an scary pyrite then wot hi fink hi am! Juss then thee llama appears again, warein a bowler hat, an hee sez “Well, this has been fun, I am sure, being the product of such a young and fertile mind, but I am afraid, little Nef Yoo, that now it is time to wake up”.

Han then hi wakes up in mee bilj, an it were all a dream. Hi et too much cheez befour bedtime agen. Fank ye ye welkum, now hi coman ye gib me diplomer fingy.

Sined NEF YOO BLUCKBEER age free. :nefyoobash:
cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.

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Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby DavidH » Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:43 am

Neff Yoo, I quite agree that you should be certified. :haha:

(Although it was a very good story indeed.)

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Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby pieces o'nine » Wed Oct 26, 2011 12:21 am

May hit pleeze thee court, oi hobjeckts.

That were a foine long-winded tale, roight enuff, but hit were nuffink loike a thesis fer an hadvanst degree, in thee style modeled fer us by Cap'n Roy.

Ware be thee title page, thee habstract, thee table ov contents, (theyre be plenty o' bodies, oi concedes) but not comprisin' thee vareyus chapters (inner duck shun, litter revyoo, findin's hetc.), nor a bibleeografie or refrentses seckshun. Ware be thee style? Ware be thee hackshool dissertashunin'?

Oi sais, mayke 'im rite hit over an knot use crayon this toime. :nefyoobash:
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~Charles "Darwin" Dickens

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Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby DavidH » Wed Oct 26, 2011 4:49 am

Well, Pieces, it's more worthy of a Doctorate than Kent Hovind's thesis. Couldn't we award Neff Yoo a Choc. D. or an M. Lol.?

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Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby Roland Deschain » Wed Oct 26, 2011 8:17 am

Who's been a very good boy then, Nef Yoo? You have, that's who. Do you want a wollipop? There you go. Now let me get your diploma for you, for being a good boy. I've made it really pretty so it matches your wall. Here you go:-

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Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby pieces o'nine » Thu Oct 27, 2011 2:02 am

DavidH wrote:Well, Pieces, it's more worthy of a Doctorate than Kent Hovind's thesis. Couldn't we award Neff Yoo a Choc. D. or an M. Lol.?

Yes, a degree in Chok. Lit. or Peetzer Pi would be appropriate. In a manner of speaking.

Roy Hunter wrote:Aw, come on Pieces, it's got a great 'Bart blowing up a building by farting' scene in it. How can you not like that?
(Let alone referencing The Empty Child - I thought you were a Doctor Who fan?)

Yes I am, and never let it be said that I would dis a fellow Whovian.

Roland Deschain wrote:Who's been a very good boy then, Nef Yoo? You have, that's who. Do you want a wollipop? There you go. Now let me get your diploma for you, for being a good boy. I've made it really pretty so it matches your wall. Here you go:-

Okay, okay, thee peeps have spoken.


May I add that I am eagerly awaiting the dissertation on the Second Law of Thermodynamics. :scientist:
I will honor Monkey in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
~Charles "Darwin" Dickens


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