The Evil Hand

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PirateHelloKitty
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The Evil Hand

Postby PirateHelloKitty » Fri Apr 22, 2016 9:58 pm

I am left handed. Maybe I was born that way. From my earliest days I reached for my spoon and crayons with my left hand. My family declared "oh a left handed child" but should we try to "correct" that? Both my grandfathers were left handed. One had an Irish mother who let it slide perhaps to be devilish. The other patriarch was forced to write with his right hand while his left hand was tied to the desk. So I was allowed to remain left handed.

Being left handed has its dangers. Some scissors and tools are just wrong. Some cultures are insulted if I hand them an item or try to receive an item with my left hand. Apparently their left hand is reserved for toilet functions. Strange but I use toilet paper with my right hand and wipe my butt with my right hand but I always wash my hands. So Are these people stupid or just so used to poor hygiene habits?

I am sure the noodly one is equal appendage oriented. I am not sure which appendage the noodly one uses to wipe his/her butt or even if he/she has a butt or needs one. DOES IT REALLY MATTER?

Back in the sword swashing days (and maybe in the present pirate ship) a left handed warrior was valued.

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Re: The Evil Hand

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard » Sat Apr 23, 2016 1:11 am

Um , i fink i muss b ambyd..... , ambideck..... ,

um , um , i yose boaf hanns , rrrrr .
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cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.

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Re: The Evil Hand

Postby ItchyPirate » Sat Apr 23, 2016 8:57 am

The left hand being "evil" is just superstitious nonsense from long ago. I'm not sure where it originated, but it's something we should do away with. I have better things to worry about than whether or not the person in front of me is left-handed.

There are scissors (not sure about other tools) designed to be used with the left hand, though they don't seem too common around where I live. It might take a bit of searching to find them.

Next time someone gets offended by your use of your left hand, ask why, and say, "Don't you have better things to worry about than which hand someone uses?"
Captain Itchy Pirate :fsm_yarr:

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Cardinal Fang
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Re: The Evil Hand

Postby Cardinal Fang » Sat Apr 23, 2016 2:56 pm

The superstition of left handed people being somehow wrong is thought to have started in ancient Greece. The story goes that this originated with the army. In a phalanx, soldiers held their weapon in the right hand (the stronger, dominant hand), and their shields in their left. Each man protected the soldier to their left with their shield. Anything that could compromise the integrity of that line, such as a person who held their shield and spear the other way round, was considered a bad thing, as it both weakened the line, and put your comrades at risk.

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PirateHelloKitty
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Re: The Evil Hand

Postby PirateHelloKitty » Sat Apr 23, 2016 8:00 pm

Interesting history of superstitions.

I will secretly laugh when interact with the lefthandphobic. When I am using my right hand that is the one I use to wipe by butt.

At least the FSM does not demand we purify our dwelling or pirate ship with boiled pasta water or something equally ridiculous if we offend. Actually does anything offend FSM?. I think our human follies might actually entertain FSM like some never ending fail youtube video.

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Cardinal Fang
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Re: The Evil Hand

Postby Cardinal Fang » Sun Apr 24, 2016 9:13 am

Unless there is a serious contravention of one of the serious contravention of one of the IIRYD's - so if someone was being deliberately bigotted, hateful, or massively offensive, or is committing violence or advocating harm to others, then that might offend the FSM. But as our Spag-deity is pretty laid back (and often drunk), I can't see how failing to do a ritual, or failing to wear some item of clothing, or eating particular foods, or the like would particularly offend.

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Re: The Evil Hand

Postby dukes » Sun Apr 24, 2016 4:57 pm

I actually know very little about baseball, despite it supposedly being the US national pastime. But teams seek out left handed pitchers, because they confuse the batter. For the same reason, left handed batters confuse the pitcher. But don't try to put a lefty at second base - that's a disaster (except for the other team).
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The way things are going
They're gonna crucify me.

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StayThirstyMyAguila
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Re: The Evil Hand

Postby StayThirstyMyAguila » Mon Jan 09, 2017 10:14 am

PirateHelloKitty wrote:Back in the sword swashing days (and maybe in the present pirate ship) a left handed warrior was valued.

That's medieval times you're thinking of buddy. Do you even know WHY left-handed warriors were valued so highly?
First of all, they were often hated, due to the fact that the person on their sides in a fighting line would knock into them, whether it be during the reloading of a musket or while blocking a blow of returning a blow with a sword, fighting in line was no good, and lefties were always kept towards the middle of the army so that if the line broke, an enemy could easily be caught off guard by the lefty and be slain.
However, they WERE valued extremely highly for invading castles. You know those high towers with spiraling stairs? Those aren't just for the movies. The reason the stairs spiral instead of going side to side is 1.) it is much more convenient for running down and 2.) It provided an advantage to defenders.
How did it provide an advantage to defenders? Good question.
Well, the stairs didn't spiral differently in towers on opposite ends of a castle to make it symmetrical. They both spiraled the same way: When viewed from above, they spiraled down and clockwise. From below, they spiraled up and counterclockwise. Why?
Another good question. You're just full of them.
The reason was that it the defenders had the benefit of their right hand being towards the inside of the tower, or the side of their body farthest from the wall. This gave them plenty of room to maneuver their sword/pike/whatever. They also had the high ground, and as Obi-Wan said, "It's over Anakin. I have the high ground." The fact that it spiraled also allowed them to drop clay jars of boiling pitch, among other things, on the stairs below and opposite them, and therefore on the heads of invaders. It also allowed archers or crossbowmen (?) to shoot at people in the same spot or lower.
Meanwhile, anyone climbing up had the disadvantage of, being showered with arrows, bolts, boiling pitch, spears, the broken bodies, armor and weapons of their comrades, and anything else the defenders could find. They also would have all these things done to them while trying to fight someone with their right hand, which would be on the side of their body closest to the tower walls. This gave them little or no room to maneuver their sword/similar small weapon (they aren't likely to be carrying a pike while going up).
Lefties, on the other hand (see what I did there?), had their sword in their LEFT hand (in case you couldn't figure that out), or on the side of their body farthest from the wall, confounding their enemies with left-handed swordsmanship and also having the advantage of plenty of maneuverability. They also had the advantage of surprise in battle. The reason lefties were so baffling for normal swordsmen was that most swordsmen would unconsciously learn to strike more often at an opponent's left side, due to the fact that a quick exchange could make a warrior forget he was carrying a shield, or that a shield could easily be rendered useless (well-placed mace strike, morningstar, horse kick, pike/spear embedded in the shield, making it much too heavy to use effectively). Because the sword was carried in the right hand, the sword often took too long to reach over to the bearer's left side and block a blow/stab/strike. This, coupled with the fact that the movement was common yet clunky (a better technique is, as in any fight, to MOVE from where you're about to get hit) meant that warriors who struck at their opponent's left lived. Because a lefty carried their sword in their left hand, this technique failed miserably and, since the warrior likely learned to defend against their own technique, would not expect to be attacked on their right side, which is where lefties frequently struck.
The fact that lefties were so valuable for penetrating the defenses of a tower also meant that men with much larger than normal shields would be assigned to follow lefties up the stairs, using the shield to protect the lefty from whatever came their way while they climbed and/or fought.
Obviously, this would put a GIANT target on the back of the shield-bearer (in fact, it reminds me strongly of more recent flag-bearers), hence lefties being much hated, both for jealousy over their apparent 'skill' in battle and the fact that many men would fall protecting them.

P.S.: I just realized how long that post was. Holy FSM.

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StayThirstyMyAguila
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Re: The Evil Hand

Postby StayThirstyMyAguila » Mon Jan 09, 2017 10:42 am

Cardinal Fang wrote:The superstition of left handed people being somehow wrong is thought to have started in ancient Greece. The story goes that this originated with the army. In a phalanx, soldiers held their weapon in the right hand (the stronger, dominant hand), and their shields in their left. Each man protected the soldier to their left with their shield. Anything that could compromise the integrity of that line, such as a person who held their shield and spear the other way round, was considered a bad thing, as it both weakened the line, and put your comrades at risk.

CF

The same goes for the Romans, but more so. The reason the Romans conquered everything was 1.) They were dull enough to allow their empire to grow so large it would never sustain itself in the long-term, but worked great short term, 2.) They poured all of their efforts into conquering other nations, and 3.) They used their famous (for lack of a better name, and because I like the one I made up) Turtle Tactics.
We've all seen in movies or read about or in general KNOW that the Romans used a brand-new and amazing formation to conquer their enemies in small battalions: The centuria. These battalions were structured so brilliantly, it usually required only six to decide most battles. The center centuria always carried a standard called the Aguila, and if it was lost, it was considered an extreme disgrace (later giving rise to flag-bearers) and they would spend a great deal of time searching for it until they found it again, because the Aguila was supposedly the animal of Zeus, and very important, and in most modern cases, very humble (I'm just saying, THEY respected the Aguila).
Anyways, the structure of the centuria also allowed for the famous shield formations. Because of where the handle was usually placed of Roman shields (slightly to the right of the shield, seen from the inside), the shield would overlap more than most shields over the person to the shield's bearer's left. When they formed a formation, such as most famous one, the Tortoise, the shields would work together and interlock like a puzzle to form a nearly airtight barrier between the Romans and everyone else. Left handed people, however, would carry the shields in their LEFT hands, and, due to the offset of the handle, would overlap the wrong direction. This caused a gap in the shield shell (that's fun to say by the way <---Also that rhymes), and obviously, once a hole in the shields opened up, enemy archers pounced on it like a starved man on a $5 burger deal from McDonald's. This would cause anyone behind the lefty to be hurt/killed, and thus open a wider hole, and this rendered the entire formation useless. For similar reasons, lefties were useless up front, both because of the giant gap in the shields (and the fact that THIS gap was plain and clear to the enemy, and much bigger) and because trying to wield the pike of all the warriors in the front lines of a centuria through the gaps of the shields (another tactic that made the Romans so undefeatable) would get in the way of the person to their left, who would be trying to poke a pike through the same gap.
Because the shield shell ( :haha: ) formations and its effectiveness made up at least a third of the Roman army's prowess in battle, this could easily decide a battle, and thus all lefties in a centuria were ejected from the Roman army or moved to a place that WASN'T a centuria where they couldn't hurt anyone.

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StayThirstyMyAguila
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Re: The Evil Hand

Postby StayThirstyMyAguila » Mon Jan 09, 2017 12:00 pm

However, I believe these are just fruitless efforts that either attempt to, and fail miserably, explain human oddities, or to unconsciously escape the truth of the entire matter and its inherent shame to the human race: Lefties are different. Humans don't like people who are different, so we branded them evil early on. Just a theory.

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'Murican Bald Eagle
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Re: The Evil Hand

Postby 'Murican Bald Eagle » Wed Feb 22, 2017 2:51 am

PirateHelloKitty wrote:I am left handed........I am sure the noodly one is equal appendage oriented. I am not sure which appendage the noodly one uses to wipe his/her butt or even if he/she has a butt or needs one. DOES IT REALLY MATTER? ....


Granddaddy Urk ses yew 2 cum home rite now an' stop ye messin with all them pointless soshull ex perry mints an' waistin peopulls valubull time an' awl. An' put ye hed scarf back on b4 he seas ya, aaarrrggh! :whip:


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