The Letter Of Apastal Zachariaspaghetti To The English Instructor

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StayThirstyMyAguila
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The Letter Of Apastal Zachariaspaghetti To The English Instructor

Postby StayThirstyMyAguila » Mon Jan 09, 2017 12:21 pm

First, let me say this: I intend to omit any and all clues as to the identities of me or any person involved in this exchange before posting it. If I miss something, please notify me as soon as possible so I might have a chance to fix it.
Second, the letter has NOT been sent yet.
Third, the letter is actually an e-mail.
Fourth, I know what you're thinking: You're not an Apastal! And you're right. No one is. We don't have a messiah yet (Bobby lives, thank the FSM), and so anyone can claim to be an Apastal (try to do it only after doing something to please the FSM).
Fifth, this is the first of two letters I intend to send: One to my intended sponsor (read on for more info) and one to my school's principle.
Sixth, the letters will address my request to the school for a Pastafarian club, for which we need a teacher to sponsor us. This topic will contain the first letter once it is finished, proofread, then proofread again, then proofread by a friend of mine, and then any modifications needed made.
The letter shall be posted soon (7-33 business days).

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Nef Yoo BlackBeard
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Re: The Letter Of Apastal Zachariaspaghetti To The English Instructor

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard » Mon Jan 09, 2017 4:02 pm

StayThirstyMyAguila wrote:...........I intend to omit any and all clues as to the identities of me ...........
.............anyone can claim to be an Apastal (try to do it only after doing something to please the FSM).
.....................


Errik Wittfeeld , JuiceLiver , PeePeeSongs , JJSaliva , Nancy tha Lier , BumBum69er , PrayFriskyMyTequila ?

........tha qwintarsescentshell evilangelist weird woof ,

maekin owt 2 b a reggularr skoolboy frum Norff Carolinarrr , rrrrrrr .

Fankye , ye wellkum ! :welcome:
cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.

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StayThirstyMyAguila
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Re: The Letter Of Apastal Zachariaspaghetti To The English Instructor

Postby StayThirstyMyAguila » Mon Jan 09, 2017 7:34 pm

Alright, that's IT! :furious: :furious: :furious:
WADDA YA THINK GIVES YA THA RIGHT TO SAY THAT STUFF TA MAE, HUH?!?! Ya make mae SICK :barf: :barf: :barf: !! If I had a ring and three beard hairs I would be twining the hairs around the ring, throwing it at you, and spitting after it.* :moon: :moon: :moon:
Get offa my thread, eh? :annoyed: :annoyed: :annoyed: Whadintha world dya think yar doin'?!?!

*Look it up, it has more meaning than it sounds like it does.

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Nef Yoo BlackBeard
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Re: The Letter Of Apastal Zachariaspaghetti To The English Instructor

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard » Mon Jan 09, 2017 8:02 pm

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.

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StayThirstyMyAguila
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Re: The Letter Of Apastal Zachariaspaghetti To The English Instructor

Postby StayThirstyMyAguila » Tue Jan 10, 2017 8:55 am

Nef Yoo BlackBeard wrote:
StayThirstyMyAguila wrote:...........I intend to omit any and all clues as to the identities of me ...........
.............anyone can claim to be an Apastal (try to do it only after doing something to please the FSM).
.....................


Errik Wittfeeld , JuiceLiver , PeePeeSongs , JJSaliva , Nancy tha Lier , BumBum69er , PrayFriskyMyTequila ?

........tha qwintarsescentshell evilangelist weird woof ,

maekin owt 2 b a reggularr skoolboy frum Norff Carolinarrr , rrrrrrr .

Fankye , ye wellkum ! :welcome:

Get off this topic Nef Yoo. I can't make you, but I would like to ask you to politely leave me alone before your harassing me forces me to report you (That was a lie. Right now I want few things more than to report you with no further delay).

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StayThirstyMyAguila
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Re: The Letter Of Apastal Zachariaspaghetti To The English Instructor

Postby StayThirstyMyAguila » Fri Jan 27, 2017 1:27 pm

Turns out that 1.) I forgot about that e-mail for a bit (midterms right after Holiday break distracted me), and 2.) That teacher won't work.
While I don't like my second option as much, I'll just have to go for it.
To the OTHER English instructor!!!

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Nef Yoo BlackBeard
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Re: The Letter Of Apastal Zachariaspaghetti To The English Instructor

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard » Fri Jan 27, 2017 3:54 pm

...an din tha hinglush instruker sayd ta Errwik ,

Urk ,he sayd,

git ye bakt ta werk wite noaw ye layabowt !

an stop molestin loose caninz rrr

an den errwikk wype tha lube offin his hans an git ta werk .
cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.

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StayThirstyMyAguila
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Re: The Letter Of Apastal Zachariaspaghetti To The English Instructor

Postby StayThirstyMyAguila » Fri Jan 27, 2017 4:02 pm

Okay so I've modified the e-mail (I changed the attached name) and now I think it is ready to send. Here is an edited version (personal details omitted). Enjoy, and send me feedback if you have any before I send it please!

Note:
[EXEMPT ALPHA] is used in place of the teacher's name.
[EXEMPT BETA] is used in place of the school's name.
[EXEMPT GAMMA] is used in place of the name of a precedent-setting (auto carrot says that 'precedential' isn't a word) club dedicated to spreading the word of God.
Apastal Zachariaspaghetti wrote:Dear [EXEMPT ALPHA],

First and foremost, I wish to stay anonymous throughout this process if possible. This is because we Pastafarians often end up persecuted for our beliefs, and I would rather avoid this.

The Pastafarians at [EXEMPT BETA] wish to follow in the footsteps of the [EXEMPT GAMMA], and create a club for us Pastafarians to gather and share our ideas. We hope this will create a new and exciting community at [EXEMPT BETA].

After asking around a bit, we would like to know if you are willing to be our sponsor. When asking other students about who would be willing to sponsor us, most recommended you, and also said many good things about you besides.

The club would be a place for not only Pastafarians, but anyone with an open mind and ear to gather and discuss our ideas. Even non-Pastafarians would be allowed in. The only way to be ejected from the club would be to break our one rule: being respectful and tolerant of everyone else's beliefs and not trying to force their beliefs on anyone. Anyone meeting these expectations would be allowed in, no questions asked.

As for meeting days, we would like to meet most weekdays if possible. However, we realize this may not be possible and/or convenient, and if you have another schedule (assuming you agree to sponsor us) simply reply to this e-mail. The specific day/days we would meet on are not of severe importance. We would, however, prefer to avoid meeting only on Friday, as this could conflict with other commitments students may have.

One final point, and I cannot stress this enough: Many people get the feeling that ALL Pastafarians are either against religion or want to abolish religion. While I am fully aware that some Pastafarians feel this way, this does not represent our beliefs or ideas as a whole. Nearly every religion has extremist sects. However, a large majority of us aren't those people, and I can assure you no one of this mindset will be allowed to utilize our club to bash on someone else's beliefs, or try to force their beliefs on someone else. Any person attempting such a thing shall be discharged from the club immediately. One of the primary things we Pastafarians believe in is tolerance, especially for the beliefs of others, and the aforementioned bashing goes against a lot of what we, as a cohesive whole, stand for.

I hope you consider this request, decide it to be satisfyingly eloquent, and ultimately decide to sponsor us.

Thank you, both in advance and for your time.

- Nnyms, n Pr Ankh.


I find that being as humble as possible, especially while acting under a pseudonym, makes people feel bad about not giving you what you want.

Of course, I can use two Supreme Court precedents that the school taught me for my midterms in History class (finally, History was useful) to FORCE them to allow me a club, but there are three ways to get someone to do what you want (non-violently, otherwise there are 6, sometimes 7):
  1. Asking them nicely works. This is usually a safe first course of action.
  2. Giving them candy works too. People like candy.
  3. Threatening them with a lawsuit almost always works if all else fails. People don't like lawsuits nearly as much as they like candy.
Usually in that order.
I'm asking nicely.
If I have to ask again, I'll not be offering them candy, let's just say that. :whip:


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