how to get to heaven

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matthew.r.lucas
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how to get to heaven

Postby matthew.r.lucas » Tue Apr 01, 2008 8:25 pm

What are the requirements to get to heaven? hell?

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lordpunkmonk
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Postby lordpunkmonk » Tue Apr 01, 2008 8:31 pm

just be relatively an ok person

real jerks get hell lite and people like hitler get hell number 2 which is worse
--LPM lord of the apocalypse
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Postby arthurchappell » Wed Apr 02, 2008 3:58 am

Hell is the other location - just rub the man running Heaven up the wrong way and you go to the other place - rubbing him up the wrong way is easy as he lacks a sense of humour and lacks patience - not saying bless you after a sneeze, or thanking him for the food your family worked to earn might do it, dropping dead before admitting all your evils could do it so if you forgot an incident involving the cookie jar or that nice dream about the girl next door, you are doomed -

Smiting the ungodly seems to get you into heaven, and warning others about dreaming too much about the girl next door -

It is possible that there is no heaven and hell and the Biblical references are actually about Devon and Hull.

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supertorresmo
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Postby supertorresmo » Wed Apr 02, 2008 7:26 am

That's easy, choose a religion that you like, and give all your money to them!!!
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Postby EarthRise » Wed Apr 02, 2008 8:07 am

Those who perform good deeds are sent by the FSM to heaven.
Those that are a little bit evil are sent to FSM hell lite, where they work in support roles for heaven and can be vindicated.
Those that are rabidly evil are sent to FSM hell, where the strippers have VD and the beer is warm. They still have a chance of vindication.
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-Darwin

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Postby evilol » Wed Apr 02, 2008 9:54 am

Depends which god you choose. If you choose Jehovah, then you should probably give all your belongings to Him. On the other hand, if you choose Allah, kill yourself and take as much people as you can with you. The alternative is to beat women. A lot. :worship:
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St John the Blasphemist
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Postby St John the Blasphemist » Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:02 am

There is no FSM hell. Only crappy work as a dishpig in the pasta kitchens in FSM heaven & having to put up with a foul-mouthed, angry Austrian chef named Gerhardt. Along with four (or more) day old, reheated, leftover pasta; stale beer; and worn out, middle aged strippers who wear the type of lingerie that you'd find in the bargain bin at St Vincent de Paul or City Mission.

Until, of course, you repent your wicked ways. Then you get all the perks that FSM heaven has to offer.

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Cardinal Fang
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Re: how to get to heaven

Postby Cardinal Fang » Wed Apr 02, 2008 12:39 pm

matthew.r.lucas wrote:What are the requirements to get to heaven? hell?


3rd star to the left and on until you get bored... :D

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matthew.r.lucas
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Postby matthew.r.lucas » Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:45 pm

I mostly just want to have the negative conseaquences of becoming a Pastafarian as I try to convert evil christians.

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Almighty Doer of Stuff
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Postby Almighty Doer of Stuff » Thu Apr 03, 2008 2:18 pm

There are no negative consequences of being a Pastafarian, at least not in the afterlife. If you're going to Hell Lite, you're going there whether you're a Pastafarian or not. If you're not a Pastafarian, you can still get into FSM's Heaven. Note, however, that FSM has no territory disputes with other deities, so if you want to go to Yahweh's Heaven where the only advertised "benefit" is being in Yahweh's presence (which many of us believe isn't necessarily as pleasant as Yahweh says it is), you're most welcome.

As for negative consequences, there's none in the after life, but Evangelicals may make you miserable here on Earth.

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Losstarot
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Let me see...

Postby Losstarot » Thu Apr 03, 2008 7:40 pm

I'm still trying to decide if I want the roads paved with gold, the 20 virgins or the beer volcano and the stripper factory. Isn't there an option like vegas but with twice the hookers and no crime?
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Almighty Doer of Stuff
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Postby Almighty Doer of Stuff » Thu Apr 03, 2008 9:11 pm

I'm sure you can gamble in FSM's Heaven. The Beer Volcano and the Stripper Factory are only two of the wonderful attractions.

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Postby KC Observer » Fri Apr 04, 2008 3:14 pm

matthew.r.lucas wrote:I mostly just want to have the negative conseaquences of becoming a Pastafarian as I try to convert evil christians.


Negetive consequences?????? What negative consequenses???? There are none. Period, end. Only good stuff and partying, my friend, with good food, strong drink and great women (if that's your preference).
The Pope

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Chippolus
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Hell...

Postby Chippolus » Mon Apr 28, 2008 3:04 pm

Sadly, in hell, the beer volcanos are flat and warm, and the strippers are defective (And I hear they have VD)...

Also, the intellectuals speak like they type ;)

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minicarma07
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Postby minicarma07 » Mon Apr 28, 2008 8:12 pm

EarthRise wrote:Those that are rabidly evil are sent to FSM hell, where the strippers have VD and the beer is warm. They still have a chance of vindication.


Why are you picking on England. :o :o
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