Loose Canon - Nonfiction Epastles Submissions

[Nef Yoo BlackBeard]

tally wanking

[Cardinal Fang]

Letter to people from Cardinal Fang

1. Thus it came to pass that people started arguing and bickering about the sex of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, suggesting that the imposition of a male gender was demeaning to women, and other people disagreeing with rude words.

2. Thus did Cardinal Fang write

3. Dear People

4. On the information exchange known as Failbook, our beloved spagdeity is often referred to by the gender neutral "Quob". This is related to the question about whether pasta can even have a gender.

5. Then the Cardinal asked people to consider something "If you think about it, the idea of a spagdeity needing a gender or genitals is pretty silly. The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and the Loose Canon both refer to the FSM as "he" and "him" and many still think of the FSM that way. Some would suggest that because pasta is made of wheat, and that wheat is traditionally associated with a female aspect (Mother Nature etc), that proves that the FSM is female."

6. "Consider" said the Cardinal", "One of the central tenets of Pastafarianism is loose moral standards. It doesn't matter whether you believe that the FSM is gender neutral, or an "it", or a "him", or a "her", or any permutation thereof, so long as you let others also make that decision for themselves as well.

7. In the 1st IRRYD, our Noodly Master did say thus "1. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like a Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't Believe In Me, That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn't About Them So Don't Change The Subject"

8. It is my belief that the "I'm not that vain" also applies to any decision about whether our Noodly Master has a gender or not.

9. So if you could all stop bickering and let me get back to enjoying my mug of tea in peace, that would be peachy.

10. Yours, Cardinal Fang

And it should go without saying, but given recent history it must be said explicitly, that I am only giving permission for this to be used or published in anything sanctioned or compiled by the Council of the Olive Garden. Otherwise, go sling your boat hook

CF

[StayThirstyMyAguila]

Otherwise, go sling your boat hook

1) That's a new one.
2) I think the kids are calling boat hooks "anchors" these days.

[The Dark Noodle]

Otherwise, go sling your boat hook

1) That's a new one.
2) I think the kids are calling boat hooks "anchors" these days.

Boat Hook


Ancor