Proposed history of St. Pasta's Day

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Proposed history of St. Pasta's Day

Postby Octoraptor42 » Tue Mar 17, 2009 7:58 pm

Long ago on a bit of firmament that has since been taken up to heaven, not much was going on. This was mostly because there was only firmament and water on the earth. However, where that firmament had been, a piece of land was placed. That land came to be called Ireland. Ireland was soon home to many great and wondrous creatures. In addition to humans descended from pirates who had indulged in too much grog and forgotten how to build ships, there were a peculiar breed of midget called leprechauns. There were also dinosaurs, though they were on their way to extinction having gone beyond vegetarianism and deciding it was morally wrong to eat anything, and there were snakes and corncows... a hybrid of corn and cows made by the FSM during a debate with Man over whether or not there should be a distinction between animal and plant. Though the details are lost, the upshot was that there probably should be. Anyway, years passed on Ireland, and the Irish, still not building ships and with no more dinosaurs to hunt did what they did best, namely drinking grog. Unfortunately, grog tends to impair ones judgment and it can be embarrassing (not to mention painful and possibly even deadly) when that weird colored piece of spaghetti you are trying to cook turns out to be a snake and bites you. One day, a man who's name is lost to history but is referred to as St. Pasta decided he had been bitten one too many times and didn't want snakes on Ireland anymore. So, he gathered up a substantial supply of grog and went about getting the corncows drunk then started a stampede, leaving no inch of land untouched. In retrospect, he realized that they aren't very bright creatures and so he probably didn't need to get them drunk to make them stampede. It also wasn't very good for the corncows as they have no livers (plants not needing livers) to process the alcohol with. So with all the snakes (and probably also leprechauns) trampled, the people of Ireland were left with a whole bunch of dead corncows. Realizing the potential food source and celebrating the removal of snakes, they feasted on corncows and pasta and of course grog in the first St. Pasta's Day. And to this day we celebrate on St. Pasta's Day that we can safely drink grog and eat pasta without fear of being bitten and some people make "corned beef" though it is by no means as good as corncow. The end

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