Why FSM cannot be the creator of the universe

Submit your scriptural writings for inclusion in the Loose Canon, and your tales of ancient FSM Lore, as well as any other FSM-related writing you may have.

Moderator: All Things Mods

Rincewind SW
Ziti Zealot
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon Aug 29, 2005 12:07 pm
Location: Sheffield, UK

Postby Rincewind SW » Mon Aug 29, 2005 12:25 pm

sushi wrote:By the way I suspect spaghetti with meatballs doesn't exist in real life. It just exists in movies.

I agree! Although it probably appears in media after some sort of mental tribute to the FSM. After all, He created whoever put spaghetti and meatballs on that movie!

Anyway on the main topic: if the FSM created the mountains, trees and a midget, surely he can create himself to be cooked that paricular way!
You are NEEB!

User avatar
The Plaid Lemur
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 8
Joined: Mon Aug 29, 2005 3:39 pm
Location: St. Fetechini of Alfredo Parish

Postby The Plaid Lemur » Mon Aug 29, 2005 7:14 pm

From what I understand, First there were Noodles. It does not say the noodles had been boiled, or were fresh or hard. I believe the FSM started as fresh pasta, still loose without boiling, he then created the water and olive oil with which to boil himself- al dente, of course. I don't question why. The question can always be asked (as it was at the introduction of the big bang theory at a symposium) "what, then, came before that?" FSM is the only answer.
"An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come."
Victor Hugo, 'Histoire d'un crime,' 1852

Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 7
Joined: Mon Aug 29, 2005 10:12 pm

Re: Why FSM cannot be the creator of the universe

Postby Cardinal_Alfredo » Mon Aug 29, 2005 10:17 pm

sushi wrote:Grüß Gott,

It is impossible that the Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. As we know spaghetti have to be boiled in water, a little salted, with a few drops of olive oil aprox 8 to 10 minutes until they are "al dente". Therefore water, a pinch of salt, and a few drops of olive oil must have existed before the FSM.


My son, you need to read your scripture more carefully.

FSM is the Unboiled Boiler, the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth. The fact that the universe is here is evidence that he created it, but He is the First Cause, and did not need to be created.

Ye, he the Primal Pasta, from which all life flows. Mediate upon this Truth, and your heart, too, will be Touched by His Noodly Appendage.


User avatar
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Aug 24, 2005 3:15 am
Location: Austria

Re: ordering????

Postby sushi » Thu Sep 01, 2005 4:22 pm

Noodlyoodly wrote:Are you living in Austria in the 21st Century or in some strange time warp?

Of course. A time warp enabled the Austrian SFM (Strange Flying Machines) builder Mr. Wilhelm Kress to create the VFFSM (Very First Flying Spaghetti Monster) already in 1900. At this picture you can see Mr. Kress (on the left, without appendages) and the VFFSM (on the right, with noodly appendages and without meatballs)

Gnocchi Gnosis
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2005 9:38 pm
Location: The Great White North

Postby Gnocchi Gnosis » Sun Sep 04, 2005 10:18 pm

It's widely accepted that the FSM created Austria last, so your heresy is forgivable. Throw another cabbage roll on the barbie, mate!

Ziti Zealot
Posts: 17
Joined: Thu Sep 08, 2005 7:06 am

Extra Virgin Birth

Postby SpaghettoVolante » Sun Sep 11, 2005 4:11 pm

The FSM did go back in time and create Extra Virgin Olive Oil and then did create itself from that beginning. This shall henceforth be known as the Extra Virgin Birth, or the Inaccurate Conception. [FSM 0:1-25]
Diffondente il verbo, come sugo di pomodoro.

User avatar
The Black Spot
Posts: 2277
Joined: Thu Sep 15, 2005 7:55 pm
Location: England

Postby The Black Spot » Sun Sep 18, 2005 7:07 am

It can be proved that the FSM is the one true creator, as His story -unlike all the other creation tales - is provable and internally consistant.

Consider- the world was unaware of His Aeronoodliness until the prophet Bobby revealed him after a vision. After this Great Savoury Revelation, it was obvious that all things had been made by Him. Obviously, this meant that the Filling One made the prophet Bobby as well.

Therefore, His Greatness made the source of His own creation. No loose ends, no empty void, no turtles. No other religion can claim such neatness.


Rincewind SW
Ziti Zealot
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon Aug 29, 2005 12:07 pm
Location: Sheffield, UK

Postby Rincewind SW » Sun Sep 18, 2005 4:47 pm

Auntie Dee Dee wrote:No turtles?

But I like the turtle. And the elephants.

And I want luggage made of sapient pearwood. No, I NEED luggage made of sapient pearwood.

Ah, well, maybe down a different split in the Trousers of Time.

Auntie Gytha

To be honest, sapient pearwood isn't all it's cracked up to be. Possibly it's the teeth. While my world's religion is followed by nearly all, it DOES seem to be a bit vague. Glad I'm a Pastafarian. :fsm_yarr:
You are NEEB!

Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2005 3:21 pm
Location: Orinda, California

Postby NoodleNet » Thu Oct 20, 2005 11:09 am

I can't believet his thread has gone on and on, because the Rebuttal to the original post is so OBVIOUS ---


suspend all questioning and critical thought, this is something so blindingly obvious, straightfoward, unquestionable, and glaringly D'UH -- you simply have to accept it on faith. MIRACLES are like that. So we better all shut up and sit down!

as the FSM Hymn reminds us:

I never believed in miracles, but I've a feelin' it's time to try...
I never belie-eeeee-ved in the ways of Monster, but I'm beginnin' to wonder why...
Don't, don't break the spell... (etc.)
On the Sixth Day, He Created Napkins

Return to “Scripture and Lore”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests