Buried Lasagna

Submit your scriptural writings for inclusion in the Loose Canon, and your tales of ancient FSM Lore, as well as any other FSM-related writing you may have.

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The Black Pigs First Mate
Maccheroncelli Missionary
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Joined: Tue Apr 18, 2006 7:12 pm
Location: Middlesbrough. U.K.

Buried Lasagna

Postby The Black Pigs First Mate » Tue Apr 18, 2006 7:23 pm

A couple of weeks age, whilst tending my garden, I found, buried beneath my tomato plants, a number of what appeared to sheets of lasagna.There seemed to be some writing, in a strange language written on the sheets, so I took the indoors and attempted to translate them. Now this may not be a very accurate translation, but it is the best I can come up with, because the sheets suddenly turned to mush, right before my eyes.

Lo. and it came to pass, that in the land of the Kar Bull, there lived a group of men who believed that they were the only people who knew how to correctly worship their god. They deemed themselves to be the wisest of men, knowing that all others were ignorant of ‘The Truth’
And these wise men went forth among the ignorant and taught them the errors of their ways, using the holly Kalashnikov to chastise those that failed to recognise ‘The Truth’ And many were those who failed in the testing of ‘The Truth’ And many were the ways of testing for ‘The Truth’.
For if a man’s beard was short, then he was not of the ways of ‘The Truth’ And if a woman should show any part of her countenance to any man who was not her husband, then she was not of the ways of the truth.
All tools, not mentioned in the Book of Truths, were to be destroyed, for they were not of the ways of ‘The Truth’. (Except those tools the wise men needed to test for the Untruths in the interest of knowledge of course). And great was the joy in the hearts of the wise men that the land of Kar Bull was adjusting it’s calendar backwards by a thousand years.
And in the west, men of many nations dithered in their deliberation, on how to best to show the wise men of Kar Bull that there were other paths to ‘The Truth’. But the men of Kar Bull acted first and smote against the greatest of the lands in the west. And great was the grief in this land and others allied to it.
So in anger several of the lands of the west smote against the wise men of the land of Kar Bull, driving then from their places of power(but not quite capturing them).
And in the lands of the west there were group of men who believed they were the only people who knew how to worship their god. For their god was great and created the universe and everything in it and anyone who didn’t believe this would be damned to an eternity in hell.
And when the wise men of Kar Bull learned of the ways of the wise men of the west, they scratched their heads(and beards) in amazement and declared. They are the same as us.

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Postby Griffin » Tue Apr 18, 2006 9:55 pm

Welcome Black Pigs First Mate . Allegory can be enlightening. If everyone scratched their heads a bit more perhaps the world would be a better place. I think it would be helpful if you read START HERE if you haven't already. There's a New Convert thread there as well.

I see you are from up Yorkshire way, that strange land north of Watford, and have already found some others of that Ilk!!
Grand Deducer Watson of Sherlock. NoName, no pack drill. Astral zone changed five times a day (flexible). Great at manifesting parking spaces by thought control. Hatred of terminology of survivors and commitment to win-win reality.

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