The Spaghetti Gnosis

Submit your scriptural writings for inclusion in the Loose Canon, and your tales of ancient FSM Lore, as well as any other FSM-related writing you may have.

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The Spaghetti Gnosis

Postby thehaika » Thu May 11, 2006 9:06 pm

Recently, as I was hiking up Mt. Linguiniwithparmesan, I came across a cave. And in this cave I found a book called The Codex of Noodles. Within were 4 texts: The Gospel According to Simonthe Mad, The Apocrypha of James, The Gospel of Gamie (I can only presume this is pronounced Jamie), and the Gospel of Judal Fistcarrot. These books are written in rather sloppy Coptic and I will try to decipher them as soon as possible. All I currently know is that this sect of Pastafarianism is that instead of following the Church, you meditate in solitude and try to find the Pasta Within.

More later.

EDIT: I have finished translating the beginning of the Gospel of Judal Fistcarrot. Here y'alls go.

What follows are the secret revelations that the Flying Spaghetti Monster spoke to the pirate treasure counter Judal Fistcarrot three days before He celebrated the Feast of the Grand Linguini.

The FSM did not always appear as Himself to the crew of the Good Ship
Apostle. Often times He appeared as a lesser dish, as bread or cheese or sometimes a hunk of really good salami. In this way He could teach His followers until they were ready to learn of the Higher Sauce.

Three days before the Feast of the Grand Linguini, the crew of the Good Ship were praying to He who designed the Cheese and Meat Sauce, and the FSM came to them as a man, and stood as a man among them.

As they prayed over the pasta, the Grand and Glorious FSM came and He laughed for many minutes. Then one of the crew asked the Wise PAsta Lord: "Master, why doest thou laugh, for are we not praying to You?"

The FSM looked to them and he spoke: "Nay, thou art not praying to I, but to a lesser monster, who does not deserve to be prayed to?" But none could hear His words save for a lowly treasure counter, Judal Fistcarrot, whom was dispised by all others.

The FSM continued, and now all could hear His words: "Let he among you who's Pasta Within is strong enough stand before Me!"

And all of the crew said: "I am strong enough!" But none were, and none stood before him except Judal, who stood on the deck of the ship and said: "Lord, I know who You are and where You come from, and I am not worthy to stand in Your glory, but I ask of You, Lord, to help me become worthy."

And the FSM, in His wisdom, smiled and said: "Step away from the others, and I will tell you of the mysteries of my kingdom."

That's all so far.
I Drink, Therefore I Spam

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