The Pastafication

Submit your scriptural writings for inclusion in the Loose Canon, and your tales of ancient FSM Lore, as well as any other FSM-related writing you may have.

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The Pastafication

Postby Rusty » Tue Jul 11, 2006 6:46 pm

The Following was revealed to me in a dream by the greatest of pirates, Blackbeard, right hand of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Praise be his name. This text details the end of days, the Pastafication of mankind.

"The great and wise FSM will call out to his servants, 'Behold I am cometh, and I take all to paridise'. Then he will touch the seas with his Noodly Appendage, and turn the water into sacred marinara. the people of the earth will rejoyce, and praise him. Then he will touch the four corners of the earth, and they will become as one with him, the lands as Spaghetti, and the islands of the earth as meatballs."
"Then he will call forth the 144,000 of the true Pastafarians:
12,000 from the tribe of Spaghetti
12,000 from the tribe of Linguinni
12,000 from the tribe of Marinara
12,000 from the tribe of Alfredo
12,000 from the tribe of Angel-Hair
and the rest of the various pirate tribes."

Then i looked up and saw Him seated in a holy throne of gold. on His right Blackbeard, clothed in the bad-assest of Pirate garb, and on His left, Bobby, the one true prophet. I fell in aboslute praise of his wonder.

Blackbeard then spoke to me saying, "Do not grovel at his feet, go and partake of that which is given to all."

And I turned and saw the glories of Paradise, The stripper factory to the north, and to the east rising from the ground was a great volcano of beer, and on the west was a great cove with innumerable ships, ready to sail and reclaim former pirate glory. Then to the south, I saw a pit, filled with the dirtiest of dirty dishes, and then the FSM approached it. He pulled those of great evil towards it, and cast them into it. their grumbles of bordem and anger I could hear, but only near His throne, not near the beer volcano and stripper factory.

Blackbeard then approached and said unto me, "Go, and tell those what you have seen. Troubled times are ahead, but know this, He will come and deliver all to this splenor."

This is the Pastification that I have seen, let it be known to the world that it is nigh! but rejoyce, for He will see that all but the vilest spend eternity in Pastadice, in communinon with the beer volcano and the stripper factory. This is the vision given to me by Him, The one and only,


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