I would like to take the time to remind everyone what this holiday is about. For those of you not familiar with the term Pastafarian, it is the term given to the followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster . If you are not familiar with the Flying Spaghetti Monster please visit http://www.venganza.org/ and look it up. I'm here to remind you of his son Meatball and what he has done for us. I do not have time to tell you the great story of FSM. These holidays should be used to remember his great sacrifice for the followers of his father, hereafter referred to as The Great Sauced One.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster had decided that he needed to send a very special messenger down to the Earth to guide his misdirected followers. Who to send? After many long dinners he came to the conclusion that he must send his own son Meatball. Who would better be able to guide the people and animals of the earth on the scripture of the Flying Spaghetti Monster than his own beloved son?
So Meatball waited and waited for the day to begin his mission and suddenly he was carried aloft by the sneeze of his father! He was thrust off of the Great Table in the Sky and fell to earth. He was born unto an inexperience Chef and her husband who raised him as if he was their own. One day he decided to venture out of his home and tell the story of his father.
He wandered through the Kitchen of life telling of the Great Sauced One and his teachings. He traveled through the land under the chair speaking the wisdom of the Great Sauced One. He ventured through the great door of the Kitchen and into the unknown land we call Outside. He rolled down the great stairway or The Land of the Oak Steps and into the jungle of the Backyard. All through his travelings he preached love, forgiveness and above all tolerance.
Most backyardians who he encountered where willing to follow and listen to these words of wisdom. There were however a few who disagreed. They did not believe that he was the son of the Great Sauced One and that he needed to be punished for telling his lies.
One day Meatball unknowingly walked into the Land Under the Bush, or Bushtopia. Here there were many followers of the Great Sauced One, but they refused to believe that Meatball was his son. He was put on trial by the smartest Bushian of all, Parmesan Pilot, who found him guilty of heresy. His sentence was given to be consumption by the great canines of the backyard. Meatball was scared but he knew this was going to happen all along. His father told him this was his fate and he went to it knowingly.
Before he would be consumed he had to travel to the consumption site, which was called the Dinner Plate. The entire journey he was made to carry his seasonings with him. They were very heavy salt and pepper shakers and he fell many times along the way. Upon arriving at the dinner plate he was strapped down and spiced. His last words to the people of Bushtopia were, "I give my meat unto the canines for you. Remember this sacrifice and do unto others as you would want done unto you. You are all forgiven." Or something like that. No one really knows these things.
The story is not over. Meatball would later show up risen from the bowels of death but that is a story for another time.
So remember his sacrifice and his words of wisdom. Love your fellow Pastafarians and be tolerant of all things. Enjoy the holidays and I wish love to all of you.
Submit your scriptural writings for inclusion in the Loose Canon, and your tales of ancient FSM Lore, as well as any other FSM-related writing you may have.
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