What if I don't like beer?

Submit your scriptural writings for inclusion in the Loose Canon, and your tales of ancient FSM Lore, as well as any other FSM-related writing you may have.

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black bart
Resident Weevil
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Postby black bart » Fri Jan 25, 2008 9:00 pm

c_felix dies in a terrible accident involving MP Trooper and a Russian tank.

He's goes up to FSM Heaven and at the Gates of the Stripper Factory he is stopped by the Heavenly Bouncer.

The Bouncer sais: 'You're OK, you're on the list but it sais here you don't like beer, is that right?

c-felix sais yes

The bouncer looks worried: You don't like beer, crikey...what about strippers?

c-felix sais: I like strippers, but what am I going to drink?

The bouncer sais: When your watching those strippers you wont notice what the hell you're drinking!
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

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Almighty Doer of Stuff
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Postby Almighty Doer of Stuff » Fri Jan 25, 2008 10:34 pm

PirateGuy wrote:If you don't like beer then you are a goober.

Or perhaps you are the victim of an abusive alcoholic parent, or perhaps you are on medication which, when combined with alcohol, would cause insanity. Goobers don't like beer based on theological reasons. Some people just think alcohol tastes nasty, or if not alcohol in general beer particularly.

Don't be such a blackguard, PirateGuy. This isn't the place for it. Remember the third I'd Really Rather You Didn't, please:

The Flying Spaghetti Monster wrote:3. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, And Get This In Your Thick Heads: Woman = Person. Man = Person. Samey-Samey. One Is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We're Talking About Fashion And I'm Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal And Fuchsia.

Note particularly the first sentence. Also, see the FAQ:

Q: Speaking of beer, what kind of beer is in the volcano? What if it's not my favorite? What are the strippers like? What if I'm a woman and want a man? What if I'm looking for a relationship, not just short-term fun? What if...

A: He is omniscient and omnipotent. You'll be well taken care of in Heaven, in a way that will suit your wants and needs exactly.

There's no reason to believe that different beverages can't come out of the same volcano. The FSM isn't a stuck-up snob, regardless of whether you are, and I see no reason to believe he'd segregate one group of people from everyone else based solely on beverage choice.

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