The Chuck Norris Game!

This board is NOT restricted access. Keep that in mind when you post.

Moderator: Other Stuff Mods

User avatar
Kanys
Maccheroncelli Missionary
Posts: 36
Joined: Mon Oct 16, 2006 10:38 am
Location: On the mountain, with the midgit
Contact:

Postby Kanys » Fri Nov 03, 2006 3:25 pm

Some kids piss their names in the snow. Chuck Norris pisses his name into concrete.


Kanys
Our Pasta, who "Arghh" in heaven, Swallowed be thy shame. Thy Midgit come. Thy Sauce be yum, On top some grated Parmesan. Give us this day our garlic bread. And give us our cutlasses, As we swashbuckle, splice the main-brace and cuss. And lead us into temptation, But deliver us some Pizza. For thine are Meatballs, and the beer, and the strippers, for ever and ever. RAmen.

Image

User avatar
whiskeymouse
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Aug 02, 2006 5:43 pm
Location: Lafayette, LA

Postby whiskeymouse » Fri Nov 03, 2006 6:34 pm

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

User avatar
hetzle
Ziti Zealot
Posts: 10
Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2006 1:22 am
Contact:

Shhh, I can't hear Keanu!

Postby hetzle » Mon Nov 06, 2006 2:21 am

Chuck Norris can think of original jokes.

Above poster got burned! <3 :fsm_rock:
You're just jealous of my grammatically impeccable syntax.

^_^

kingofmetal
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Nov 08, 2006 1:16 am
Contact:

Postby kingofmetal » Wed Nov 08, 2006 2:17 am

i cant believe this hasnt been said yet...
God said, "let there be light" then Chuck Norris said, "say please"

User avatar
JustGuess
Ziti Zealot
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Nov 20, 2006 2:30 am
Contact:

Postby JustGuess » Mon Nov 27, 2006 2:58 pm

When Chuck Norris does pushups, he's not exercising, he's pushing the Earth out of the way of an oncoming asteroid.

Chuck Norris can run fast enough to circumnavigate the globe and punch himself in the back of the head.

When Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee faught in Return of the Dragon, they were both clinically dead at the time. A real fight between them would run the risk of destroying the universe.

Q: Why do giraffes have such long necks?
A: They pissed off Chuck and he hit them with an upper cut.

God did not cause the Big Bang, Chuck Norris just sneezed.

The reason Galactus hasn't eaten the Earth isn't because of the Fantastic Four, it's because he's afraid of Chuck Norris.

User avatar
Not a Yaller Beard
Bucatini Buccanneer
Posts: 232
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 6:54 pm
Location: Landlocked

Postby Not a Yaller Beard » Mon Nov 27, 2006 6:51 pm

The Tunguska event was not a meteor--it was the result of a Chuck Norris eructation

amadkiwi
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Nov 27, 2006 9:34 am

Postby amadkiwi » Sun Dec 03, 2006 6:40 pm

Chuck norris can shoot down planes with his finger just by saying bang!


Chuck norris decides what time it is

In the back of the guiness book of records, there is a small sentence that says "this is the closest anyone has ever come to beating Chuck Norris"


By the time Chuck Norris decides to kill you, thousands of angels have already come down from heaven and beat you to death. The angels cant risk getting Chuck Norris mad again. Just look at Hiroshima and Nagosaki.

Turtles, shellfish and snails are actually the smartest animals on the planet. They know that when Chuck Norris comes, its time to hide. . .

A tsunami is Chuck Norris having a bath
A Volcano is chuck norris punching the ground
An earthquake is chuck norris walking
A hurricane is Chuck Norris farting

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.

Chuck Norris can scare an asteroid away

When Chuck Norris squints at the sunlight, there is an eclipse. The sun has to hide so Chuck Norris doesnt roundhouse kick it. . .

"Roundhouse kick" is actually Chuck Norris' middle name

The first ten minutes of "Saving Private Ryan" are based on a game of dodgeball Chuck Norris played as a boy.

User avatar
Duke
Prophet of Pastafarianism
Posts: 8481
Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2005 4:17 am
Location: Under a Large Pile of Snow
Contact:

Postby Duke » Mon Dec 04, 2006 1:26 pm

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac and Burger King and got one.

Chuck Norris actually build the stairway to heaven.


Duke
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."

--Mark Twain


He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

--Friedrich Nietzsche


"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."

--Woody Allen

User avatar
Vokon202
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2006 5:13 pm
Location: Maryland
Contact:

Postby Vokon202 » Wed Dec 06, 2006 5:45 pm

When Chuck Norris Jumps. Hell Has an Earthquake.
Image

MPTrooper

Postby MPTrooper » Wed Dec 06, 2006 7:39 pm

Chuck Norris wins any Internet Argument.

And he doesn't even need to post anything.

amadkiwi
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Nov 27, 2006 9:34 am

Postby amadkiwi » Thu Dec 07, 2006 8:03 pm

chuck norris roundhouse kicked santa for being a pedo, but then roundhouse kicked all the presents in his sack with such accuracy they landed under neath the kids xmas trees anyway[/list]

User avatar
BloodyAnneFlint
Gnocchetti Galley Slave
Posts: 57
Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2007 9:03 pm
Location: lurking in the shadows with a sword
Contact:

Postby BloodyAnneFlint » Fri Mar 30, 2007 4:38 pm

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard,deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
"Change myself? I'd rather die. You'll never take me alive."

User avatar
EarthRise
Hox God
Posts: 2299
Joined: Sun Aug 27, 2006 3:35 pm
Location: who wants to know?
Contact:

Postby EarthRise » Fri Mar 30, 2007 4:47 pm

Chuck Norris advocates teaching the Bible in schools.

...did I just kill the thread?
[...] the difficulty of believing that a perfect and complex eye could be formed by natural selection, though insuperable by our imagination, should not be considered as subversive of the theory.
-Darwin

User avatar
BloodyAnneFlint
Gnocchetti Galley Slave
Posts: 57
Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2007 9:03 pm
Location: lurking in the shadows with a sword
Contact:

Postby BloodyAnneFlint » Fri Mar 30, 2007 4:54 pm

Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
"Change myself? I'd rather die. You'll never take me alive."

User avatar
Duke
Prophet of Pastafarianism
Posts: 8481
Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2005 4:17 am
Location: Under a Large Pile of Snow
Contact:

Postby Duke » Sat Mar 31, 2007 4:41 am

Chuck Norris went to a dog show and won.


Duke
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."

--Mark Twain




He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

--Friedrich Nietzsche




"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."

--Woody Allen


Return to “Games, Fun, and Jokes”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 10 guests