10,000 (more) Commandments

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daftbeaker
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Re: 10,000 (more) Commandments

Postby daftbeaker » Wed Aug 29, 2012 2:12 pm

9127: If'n thou attendeth thine mother's wedding thou shalt not take anything she says seriously for verily, she shall changeth her mind every bloody 5 minutes and shout when people do anything.

9126: If'n thou ignoreth the last commandment then thou shalt definitely not threaten to wear lederhosen to embarass her for the daft old bint shall buy them and it will backfire when she makes you wear them in public.

9125: When'st thou getteth to the airport thou shalt check your f***ing boarding card and not trust thine sister to know the correct time the plane leaves.

If thou ignorest this commandment then thou may well end up stuck in an airport for 6 hours, spend 200 quid on a new flight and defuse fights between thine mother and thine sister, both of whom are convinced they are right, determined to have an argument, have to have the last word and are incredibly passive-aggressive.
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black bart
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Re: 10,000 (more) Commandments

Postby black bart » Mon Sep 03, 2012 8:16 am

9124: Thou shalt not fill thine gyant tankard with ale and then try to down it one. :cry:
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Mad Willyum Bonney
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Re: 10,000 (more) Commandments

Postby Mad Willyum Bonney » Tue Sep 11, 2012 9:27 pm

9123 : Thou shalt not arrive at thine employment interview drunken with strong spirits.

9122 : Thou shalt not boast that ye can drink anyone under the table . For that will not impress thee owner of thee inn searching for someone to mind his bar and serve drinks . Verily thee ones that love ye will lose hope and faith and shall knash their teeth in despair .
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black bart
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Re: 10,000 (more) Commandments

Postby black bart » Wed Sep 12, 2012 5:54 am

9121: Thou shalt tell thee senior management person who keeps complaining that she has RSI in both wrists that the reason for her affliction is THAT SHE TYPES LIKE A @@!!!!ING ELEPHANT ON DRUGS!!!!!! :furious: :furious: :furious: Then thou shalt take a deep breath and put thine ear phones on.
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Mad Willyum Bonney
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Re: 10,000 (more) Commandments

Postby Mad Willyum Bonney » Sun Sep 16, 2012 10:27 pm

9120 : Consumeth ye not thee liver of polarr bears nor thee liver of seals , for verily, they doth containeth unclean amounts of vitamine A .
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daftbeaker
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Re: 10,000 (more) Commandments

Postby daftbeaker » Sun Oct 14, 2012 3:42 pm

9119: If'n thou wish to make chilli gravy, thou shalt not confuse this
Image
with this
Image

Verily, the Tabasco shall give it a nice flavour and the Encona shall try to remove thine nostrils.
Too old to give up but too young to rest - Pete Townshend

I would rather be a rising ape than a falling angel - Sir Terry Pratchett

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black bart
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Re: 10,000 (more) Commandments

Postby black bart » Mon Oct 15, 2012 8:07 am

^ :lol:
9119b. When visiting the jolly isles of the Western Indies, thou shalt not try to buy the equivalent hot pepper sauce from a shop in the village...for verily, though it appears to be a similar product and bareth the reassuring name of 'Ma Brown's Hot Pepper Sauce'(contained in an old Lucozade bottle), thou shall regretteth this purchase and, having lost the roof of thine mouth, thou shalt decide not to bring the sauce home to Blighty.
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black bart
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Re: 10,000 (more) Commandments

Postby black bart » Tue Oct 16, 2012 5:44 am

9117: Thou shalt attempt the maths for the above Commandment...Holiday in Corfu (bearing in mind Greece's economic woes) £250...Open topped Sports car:
Image
About £300 = Roy's House £550.
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daftbeaker
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Re: 10,000 (more) Commandments

Postby daftbeaker » Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:58 am

black bart wrote:About £300 = Roy's House £550.

Is that in Scottish money? :haha:
Too old to give up but too young to rest - Pete Townshend

I would rather be a rising ape than a falling angel - Sir Terry Pratchett

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Mad Willyum Bonney
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Re: 10,000 (more) Commandments

Postby Mad Willyum Bonney » Tue Oct 16, 2012 10:22 am

Sorry to here about Rpys house prollums
A she he didnt sendee a return airfare , I would have inspected the house free of charge .

Edoy; pops ! Wrong thtead
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black bart
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Re: 10,000 (more) Commandments

Postby black bart » Wed Oct 17, 2012 6:30 am

9116: Thou shalt invest in new technology.
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black bart
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Re: 10,000 (more) Commandments

Postby black bart » Wed Oct 17, 2012 8:28 am

9114: Thou shalt not let the new technology take over thine life.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

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black bart
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Re: 10,000 (more) Commandments

Postby black bart » Wed Oct 17, 2012 9:08 am

^ :lol:
9112: Thou shalt shun the evil 'Windows' and thou shalt take up thine ipad and walk.
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Re: 10,000 (more) Commandments

Postby la la » Fri Oct 19, 2012 9:52 am

9111: Thou shalt remember that to forget to include the bacon bits in thy delicious quiche is a grave offense and will lead to much heartache and mild ostracism. Thou shalt then have to promise to never ever forget the bacon bits again.
"There's a hell of a good universe next door, let's go!" e e cummings

"And the new day was a great big fish." Terry Pratchett

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Re: 10,000 (more) Commandments

Postby DavidH » Fri Oct 19, 2012 2:41 pm

9110 Thou shalt not offer the quiche unto the rabbi, nor into the imam, unless the bacon bits be not therein.


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