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Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2009 3:57 pm
by Platypus Enthusiast
It's been a while since the last post and the Second Council of Olive Garden would like to bring this thread back to everyone's attention in order to collect more delicious scripture for the Loose Canon. So please keep writing Psalms in order to please our Noodly Master.


Posted: Fri May 21, 2010 2:40 pm
by Platypus Enthusiast
Pastalms 16-22 by Aba Sababa

Pastalm XVII

1. Your most humble servant, that I
2. Might become a waiter on high
3. Serving your immutable word
4. To diners.

5. I wear white today, that I
6. Might be graced by the slight magenta hues
7. Of pureed tomato, with basil, and garlic
8. As between bites I spill your blessed sauceliness
9. Upon my blouse.

10. Another helping, please, that I
11. Might munch gratefully
12. In abject reverence
13. For two eternities.

Pastalm XVIII

1. As I gaze upon my
2. Plate of exquisite aroma
3. And subtle flavor
4. I cannot but wonder,
5. What is this spice that
6. My good lord
7. Has placed before me.
8. His words appear like a mighty fire
9. In the sky
10. “Eat the dish that I will show you
11. The dish you do not know
12. And you shall win at life.”
13. I nibble.

Pastalm XIX

1. Who can know the multitude of
2. Raveled knots
3. Of the Lord’s manifest
4. Starchiness?
5. Who can know the infinitesimal
6. Time, the precision
7. Of boil, required for a
8. Holy al Dente?
9. Who can know the annual
10. Carbohydrates consumed per
11. Capita in exotic lands
12. Like Norway, and Yemen?
13. The Lord, in his eternal noodality,
14. Knows, and grants us life
15. That we may ask, and wonder, and
16. Praise.

Pastalm XX

1. Blessed is the chef
2. who cooks only in kitchens of brick
3. and serves his labor to your loving mother;
4. His delight is in the sauce of the Puttanesca
5. that he might one day imbibe its pleasures;

6. He is like a meatball fondled by the tiny hands of youth,
7. before it is seasoned
8. and tenderized
9. and baked;

10. Not so the diners!
11. They could not discern the highest cuisine
12. From the lowest serving of Hamburger Helper;

13. Therefore the diners will not stand in judgment,
14. nor the critics in contempt;

15. For the LORD watches over the makers of delicious
16. That their dishes stay delicious for eternity.

Pastalm XXI

1. I waited patiently for his Noodliness;
2. he turned to me and heard my cry.
3. He lifted me out of the boiling hell
4. out of the steel and bubbling waters
5. he poured me into a strainer
6. and placed the finest butter in my knots
7. A brief shake, and then
8. He set me down upon a gilded plate
9. Dressed my countenance in the choicest parmesan
10. And sent me forth into the gullets of believers.

Pastalm XXII

1. Blessed is the man of faith!
2. For the Lord shalt hasten his pot’s boil
3. And guard against the sinful foam
4. That rises up on the stove of the sinner

5. Blessed is the man of faith!
6. The man who shelves his egg-timers and stopwatch
7. And trusts the Lord to whisper softly in his tender ear
8. When his Prophet, Muhammad al-Dente, emerges from the froth:
9. The harbinger of peace, harmony, and damn good taste.


Posted: Sat May 22, 2010 12:58 am
by Roland Deschain
The Lament of Linguini

1. And He toucheth me as he doth touch thy midgit.
2. Yea how I lament thy loss at not being touched by Him
3. As He toucheth only thy midgit.
4. Thou art good and kind in thy gift of Linguini in honour of Him
5. And how I wisheth that He hath seen thy gift to Him.

6. For He hath been known to be fickle in His touching
7. And misseth thee from His list.
8. For thou art inventive in thy pasta
9. And doeth all He requireth of thee.
10. Yea how I lament thy loss.

11. Do not wail at thy loss
12. As thou art strong in thy reserve
13. And deserveth not to be seen by thy admirers as such.
14. For may he once look up from His mighty beer mug
15. And see thy pain and touch thee.


Posted: Sat May 22, 2010 1:18 am
by Platypus Enthusiast
nice roland. it shall be canonized


Posted: Sat May 22, 2010 8:23 am
by Roland Deschain
Thanks PE. I'm working on my historical one at the moment, so other psalms shall have to wait. I'm hoping it will be an opus.


Posted: Sun May 23, 2010 1:58 am
by Platypus Enthusiast
Pastalm XXIII

1 The Flying Spaghetti Monster is my chef; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to sit down at full tables: he leadeth me beside the busy kitchens.
3 He restoreth my appetite: he leadeth me in the paths of excellent cuisine for his name's sake.
4 Arr, though I walk through the kitchen of the empty cupboards, I will fear no hunger: for thou art with me; thy noodles and thy meatballs they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my meal with sauce; my platter runneth over.
6 Surely flavor and deliciousness shall follow me all the minutes of my supper: and I will dwell in the dining room of the Flying Spaghetti Monster forever.