Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved here

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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Tickle
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Postby Tickle » Thu Dec 22, 2005 4:41 pm

Noice one DaveL!!


The new updated petition:

1. Tickle
2. Duke
3. X (DaveL)
4. Qwertyuiopasd
5. Aplaca
Thought of the Day:

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Sir Francis Drake
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Postby Sir Francis Drake » Thu Dec 22, 2005 5:16 pm

So I still gots this problem with the toadfish:

Sir Francis Drake wrote:Well, why dont'chya give my problem a go, then?

I gots me this toadfish, see, that's taken to sitting on my shoulder. (I used to have a parrot there, but he ate it.) He really makes a mess o' me waistcoat. I'd knock him off, but he has lotsa teeth, which he threatens my ear with whenever I raise me hand to him. He puts cracker crumbs all down in my ruffle, which itches. I suppose I should never have named him "Polly". Other than that, he's kind of cute, in a toothy way.

What would you do?


I guess with all his fierce rows of teeth I should just leave him there to scare me enemies?
Taste the truth, savor the satire, pass the pasta!

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Duke
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Postby Duke » Thu Dec 22, 2005 5:29 pm

Teach 'im to lacerate your enimes. In that way he is more usful than a parrot.


Duke
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He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

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The Black Spot
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Postby The Black Spot » Thu Dec 22, 2005 8:45 pm

Tickle wrote:Dear Auntie Blackbeard,
I was eating a really big chocolate chip cookie when, to my horror, it turned out to contain raisins! This traumatic event wrecked my whole week. To stop this from happening to any other innocent cookie eater I have started a petition...


'Fraid I hast little sympathy for ye. Me crew dreams o' raisins.

They's more likely t' moan that they take a bite o' a biscuit an finds a weevil when they's be expectin a maggit.

Arr...

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The Black Spot
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Postby The Black Spot » Thu Dec 22, 2005 9:45 pm

Sir Francis Drake wrote:I gots me this toadfish, see, that's taken to sitting on my shoulder. (I used to have a parrot there, but he ate it.) He really makes a mess o' me waistcoat. I'd knock him off, but he has lotsa teeth, which he threatens my ear with whenever I raise me hand to him. He puts cracker crumbs all down in my ruffle, which itches. I suppose I should never have named him "Polly". Other than that, he's kind of cute, in a toothy way.

What would you do?


'Ee sounds a useful beast. I'd be puttin' im in fer a no holds barred fight wi' me ship's cat (see me post a load o' pages back).

Winner takes all, an gets the privilege o' clearing me bilge o' rats.

Arrr...

Sir Francis Drake
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Postby Sir Francis Drake » Fri Dec 23, 2005 12:10 pm

Aw, yer ship's cat would make chowder outta me toadfish. He's a bit of a ween-boy when it comes to felines. We humbly throw the victory to him. Me toadfish would be more than honored to eat all yer bilge-rats (saving the best ones for the cat, of course.)
Taste the truth, savor the satire, pass the pasta!



Dona Nobis Pasta



-Opsanus tau

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DaveL
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Postby DaveL » Fri Dec 23, 2005 4:35 pm

YArrrrr...

Just wunderin Sir Francis how yer toadfish goes at breathin' on land? Oi could see 'im strugglin fer a bit of breath there...

Arrrrr...
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black bart
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Postby black bart » Sat Dec 24, 2005 10:02 am

Sir Francis wrote:

"Me toadfish would be more than honored to eat all yer bilge-rats"

Can we hire this Toadfish for said purpose and perhaps for impressin the ladies on Shore Leave?

Ps. How's yer drum?
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

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The Black Spot
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Postby The Black Spot » Sat Dec 24, 2005 11:53 am

Sir Francis Drake wrote:Me toadfish would be more than honored to eat all yer bilge-rats (saving the best ones for the cat, of course.)


Arr...

'ees could be very useful. Me bilge be so leaky that there be places me cat can't be reaching. Bring 'im round fer an interview.

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The Black Spot
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Postby The Black Spot » Sat Dec 24, 2005 11:57 am

Arrr mateys...

'tis only a few hours 'till the big red swab takes to the skies.

Hope yers all kept yer powder dry.

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The Black Spot
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Postby The Black Spot » Sat Dec 24, 2005 9:47 pm

ARRRGGGHHH! DISASTER!

My's attempt t' bring down Santa failed miserably.

We were anchored in the North Sea and had Claus in the middle o' our sights. As the swab drew near, me men launched a cannonade in 'is direction.

Unfortunatey, the first fusilade got caught by Black Bart's two kilometer high net. The net threw the balls back (capsizing Bart's vessel in the process), an collided wi' Cap'n Lansa's rockets which exploded early an set fire t' me ship.

Me an Black Bart tried a second cannon attack from the lifeboats, but the recoil sent us straight to the bottom.

Wouldn't be s' bad, but the bastid just ho-ho-ho'd through the lot o'it.

Last seen, he were headin in Cap'n DaveL's direction.

Anyways, Seasons Greetins an all that, yer swabs.

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DaveL
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Postby DaveL » Sat Dec 24, 2005 11:56 pm

YArrrrr...

Oi'll get 'im for yers. Oi've got me Saddam's super cannon installed up over Sydney Heads. When Oi see 'is sleigh comin' it will be the 'Mother of All Anti Aircraft Defenses'.

Fear not...if we miss 'im Oi'm keen to sail to Finland in me Pirate Ice breaker ter finish the job.

Any takers?

Merry FSM-mas to yers all ya scurvy knaves.

Regards

Capn DaveL
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DaveL
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Postby DaveL » Sun Dec 25, 2005 11:58 pm

Dear Aunty Blackbeard,

After letting off several 200mm rounds, Oi managed to down Santa of the Sydney Headlands. Oi saw 'is sled plummeting into the waters off the Australian East Coast.

Unfortunately, there aint too many sharks ter finish the job. Should Oi launch me galleon for a salvage operation? Oi was hopin Oi might pick up a few extra presents, while the 'bugger in red' goes to visit 'Davy Jones Locker'.

Kind Regards,


Capn Boffors
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kaioshin00
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Postby kaioshin00 » Mon Dec 26, 2005 12:49 am

Dear Boffors,

Oi not be thinkin 'ee shoud be worryin' bout a salvage operation. T'children o' landlubbers be too spoiled for their own good - most o't'gifts, Oi'd say, would be more dense n'sea water an' are probably givin' davy jones a visit with t'blighter santa.

If ye wants some toys, oi'd say t'commandeer em,t'bucanneer way.

Regards,

Auntie Blackbeard
:shellfish: :shellfish: March of the crabbies :shellfish: :shellfish:

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The Black Spot
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Postby The Black Spot » Mon Dec 26, 2005 3:23 pm

Dear Auntie Blackbeard

Me an a mate o' mine lost our ships in an innocent little incident in the North Sea which involved an ambush, nets, cannons, rockets an' reindeer. 'Twere a complete accident of course, an noone were t' blame.

What the hell does I put on me insurance claim?


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