Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved here

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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Tickle
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Postby Tickle » Tue Dec 27, 2005 7:41 am

Argh. Oi had tha' same problem a couple o' weeks ago. Whatever ya do, don' say you were in the shower at the toime it happened, they moight not believe yer...
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Duke
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Postby Duke » Tue Dec 27, 2005 7:25 pm

DaveL wrote:YArrrrr...

Oi'll get 'im for yers. Oi've got me Saddam's super cannon installed up over Sydney Heads. When Oi see 'is sleigh comin' it will be the 'Mother of All Anti Aircraft Defenses'.

Fear not...if we miss 'im Oi'm keen to sail to Finland in me Pirate Ice breaker ter finish the job.

Any takers?

Merry FSM-mas to yers all ya scurvy knaves.

Regards

Capn DaveL


May I join you? My toadfish and I?


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He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

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Tickle
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Postby Tickle » Wed Dec 28, 2005 9:55 am

May I join too?

Although I have no automatic cannon thingy, I can spit very far and accurately...
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The Black Spot
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Postby The Black Spot » Mon Jan 02, 2006 8:42 am

Dear Auntie Blackbeard

I went out fer a quiet drink on New Year, and the next day I's be feeling like me head's been squished in a vice.

Is the innkeeper tryin t' murder me? What punishment should I's inflict on the swab fer making me feel all gyp? Hast ye any slow an nasty things that be a suitable revenge on 'im?

Yours

Cap'n Plink Plink Fizz

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Postby beagle » Wed Jan 04, 2006 12:44 pm

Dear Capn Plink Plink,

Many apologies for the delay in replying to your question. Auntie Blackbeard has unfortunately been indisposed with a strange form of food poisoning contracted New Years eve. Apparently she only consumed a couple of canapes and a "few" drinks, but remembers nothing after a strange urge to stand on the bar counter singing a karaoke version of the Crazy Frog song at the top of her voice. She has now been lying, groaning in the dark for four days with only the occasional request for hot, sweet, tea.

In regard to your original query, may I suggest you allow Auntie Blackbeard to accompany you on your next visit to the aforementioned tavern so she is able to judge the case for herself? I'd be inclined not to suggest it for a day or so though; currently she's swearing never to touch canapes again, though in my experience this phase of the illness will soon pass.


Yours, Auntie Meinza Pint
pp Auntie Blackbeard

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The Black Spot
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Postby The Black Spot » Wed Jan 04, 2006 1:35 pm

beagle wrote:In regard to your original query, may I suggest you allow Auntie Blackbeard to accompany you on your next visit to the aforementioned tavern so she is able to judge the case for herself?


Dear Meinza

Arr, twould indeed be an honour t' accompany the lovely Auntie t' the tavern when she's a bit better. However, I mentioned it to me crew, an they all be throwing their hands up in horror an beseeching me not t' go.

Me first mate crossed himself an whispered about "unspeakable horror" an "stygian blackness", whilst me bosun started chalking a pentogram on the deck while chanting "Ia! Ia! Shub-niggurarth ia fnarr!"

I's don't be understanding this at all. The tavern's not all that bad is it?

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Postby beagle » Thu Jan 05, 2006 4:05 am

The Black Spot wrote:I's don't be understanding this at all. The tavern's not all that bad is it?


It's just that Auntie can be a little absent-minded, and sometimes go several hundred years without buying a round. This can disconcert some people. Also it's best to let her win at darts, and not to sign anything when you've had a few.

Yarr,
Auntie Mephistopheles.

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DaveL
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Postby DaveL » Thu Jan 05, 2006 4:32 am

** O'im back from me 'olidays, which were enforced followin me shootin down of Santa**

YArrrrr...

There's nothin loike a good dart in the backside to start a nice pub brawl.
Me and the lads used it to start a fight with a rival crew.

I only needed to get a 'double score ten to win' against me first mate. Instead the rum had set in and Oi threw it at Royal Navy Officers bum.

Oim afraid he didn't see the lighter side of it.

Yarrrr....
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black bart
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Gurgle Glug!

Postby black bart » Thu Jan 05, 2006 10:36 am

Glug glug YAAAARRR... I be resurfacin arter the terrible Santa Claus debacle...Davy Jones's Locker nearly had me there me hearties...

Luckily the cabin boy had got me one of those new fangled divin outfits for Christmas...the label said somethin like: Happy Christmas Captain Bart - this'l stop ye gettin the bends!!! :lol:
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

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DaveL
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Postby DaveL » Fri Jan 06, 2006 7:14 am

Dear Aunty,

This year Oi made a resolution ter lay off the grog and filenderin' ways to me long sufferin' wife. Oi told 'er that Oi would be a good Pirate and stick ter murderin' and pillagin' only.

She told me if she finds out one more time Oy been playin' up she's promised to do a Lorena Bobbit on me in my sleep.

Problem is, O'ive already broken me resolution already durin' a New Years visit to 'Madame Sophie's Den of Love'. Oy tried really hard not to get involved, but the lads just laughed at me. For the sake of ship morale Oy fell back into into me wicked ways.

Should Oy tell me wife? Or should Oi save me manhood for another wench?

Kind Regards,

Capn No Nads
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Postby amenabletopasta » Fri Jan 06, 2006 9:26 am

Dear No Nads,

That be a tricky position yer got yerself in. But enough about the contortionists at 'Madame Sophie's Den of Love'...ye've got yerself into a tricky situation.

Oi be wonderin' if yer can be getting around it on a technicality. Ye've agreed t' stop yer filenderin', but does this only cover wenches? Could yer be visitin' the cabin-boy section o' the brothel and escape the nad-knife?
Where we're from, the birds sing a pretty song, and there's always noodles in the air :fsm:

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black bart
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Portsmouth Branch

Postby black bart » Fri Jan 06, 2006 10:00 am

Dave L mentioned:

'Madame Sophie's Den of Love'


Dear Auntie

Be thar a branch o Madame Sophie's openin in Portsmouth in t near future? We've already got an Anne Bonny Summers and a PlayBilge club but me an the crew have been thrown out o both o them fine establishments for causin affray and not wearing clean underwear.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

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The Black Spot
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Postby The Black Spot » Fri Jan 06, 2006 10:03 am

amenabletopasta wrote:Could yer be visitin' the cabin-boy section o' the brothel and escape the nad-knife?


Arrr...

I thinks part o' his problem be the fact that the cabin-boy section were already full to burstin wi' me own crew.

Cap'n Soap-on-a-rope

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The Black Spot
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Re: Portsmouth Branch

Postby The Black Spot » Fri Jan 06, 2006 10:09 am

black bart wrote:


Dear Auntie

Be thar a branch o Madame Sophie's openin in Portsmouth in t near future?


Arrr...

Ye know full well that no decent girl would ever dream o' workin in a local knockin shop.

Therefore I hopes to be opening several branches in Portsmouth in the near future.

Yours

Auntie Cadillac

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black bart
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Cabin Boy

Postby black bart » Fri Jan 06, 2006 10:27 am

YYYAAARRRR that be very reasurin to me Captain Black Spot...
I got me crew 'Anne Bonney Summers vouchers' for Christmas - they've been and spent them and came back with forty three sexy Cabin Boy outfits!!!!!!!! :fsm_worried:
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.


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