Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved here

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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Griffin
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Postby Griffin » Wed Jan 11, 2006 7:35 pm

Dear Auntie Blackbird

Yesterday I be meeting two other Pirate Capns. They was talkin bout a Union for Pirate Capns to fight for better hours seein as they didnt get enuff time away from their crews. They was puttin pressure on me to join but I can't leave my crew alone for more than a minnut wivout 'em takin' off their peg legs and stuffing their parrots out the portholes. Am I bein' too mindful of me crew?

Capn Treadmill
Grand Deducer Watson of Sherlock. NoName, no pack drill. Astral zone changed five times a day (flexible). Great at manifesting parking spaces by thought control. Hatred of terminology of survivors and commitment to win-win reality.

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Duke
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Postby Duke » Wed Jan 11, 2006 10:10 pm

Griffin wrote:Dear Auntie Blackbird

Yesterday I be meeting two other Pirate Capns. They was talkin bout a Union for Pirate Capns to fight for better hours seein as they didnt get enuff time away from their crews. They was puttin pressure on me to join but I can't leave my crew alone for more than a minnut wivout 'em takin' off their peg legs and stuffing their parrots out the portholes. Am I bein' too mindful of me crew?

Capn Treadmill


Dear Treadmill,

It sounds loik your crew is quite a bunch. If 'oi was you, I would get some order into their little brains. With something painfull.

Yours,
Captain Duke.
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."

--Mark Twain


He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

--Friedrich Nietzsche


"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."

--Woody Allen

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Griffin
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Postby Griffin » Wed Jan 11, 2006 11:48 pm

Dear Capn Duke
I likes your advice. But I already tried the spiked leg band round their peg legs and it failed to stop 'em.

Capn Treadmill
Grand Deducer Watson of Sherlock. NoName, no pack drill. Astral zone changed five times a day (flexible). Great at manifesting parking spaces by thought control. Hatred of terminology of survivors and commitment to win-win reality.

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Duke
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Postby Duke » Thu Jan 12, 2006 12:45 am

Griffin wrote:Dear Capn Duke
I likes your advice. But I already tried the spiked leg band round their peg legs and it failed to stop 'em.

Capn Treadmill


Dear Treadmill,

Garr! Evin the leg band? Ay, we need to take this to a 'ole new level.......... Yes, the Iron Fist of Discipline! The crew will be as meek around the captian as three blind mice around the farmer's wife............................

Captain Duke
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."

--Mark Twain




He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

--Friedrich Nietzsche




"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."

--Woody Allen

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Griffin
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Postby Griffin » Thu Jan 12, 2006 1:42 am

Dear Auntie Blackbird

That Capn Duke says its the iron fist wot I be needin. How di I goes about getting an iron fist wot'll fit with me iron hook?

Capn Treadmill
Grand Deducer Watson of Sherlock. NoName, no pack drill. Astral zone changed five times a day (flexible). Great at manifesting parking spaces by thought control. Hatred of terminology of survivors and commitment to win-win reality.

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black bart
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McGonnigal

Postby black bart » Thu Jan 12, 2006 9:55 am

My advice to ye Matey is to try Grapeshot McGonnigal's Ironmongers in Portsmouth (opposite Anne Bonny Summers) - he'll fit ye up with anything from Fork Handles to Cutlass extenders.

ps twere nice meetin up with ye at that scurvy grog house t'other nite. :lol:
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

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Griffin
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Re: McGonnigal

Postby Griffin » Thu Jan 12, 2006 5:19 pm

black bart wrote:My advice to ye Matey is to try Grapeshot McGonnigal's Ironmongers in Portsmouth (opposite Anne Bonny Summers) - he'll fit ye up with anything from Fork Handles to Cutlass extenders.

ps twere nice meetin up with ye at that scurvy grog house t'other nite. :lol:


I's afear'd o' settin' foot in that ther' McGonnical's on account the magical stuff I aherd goes on and I gets me Fork Handles in Barking. That were a right scurvy grog house, I be scratching meself e'er since.
Grand Deducer Watson of Sherlock. NoName, no pack drill. Astral zone changed five times a day (flexible). Great at manifesting parking spaces by thought control. Hatred of terminology of survivors and commitment to win-win reality.

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The Black Spot
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Postby The Black Spot » Thu Jan 12, 2006 5:23 pm

Dear Auntie Blackbeard

on some swab's advice, I took a trip to Grapeshot McGonnigal's Ironmongers in Portsmouth. I needed some new manacles fer the hostages in the bilge, an something to light up me cabin with.

I asked 'im for "four candles" and "irons" an didn't get out o' the shop fer nearly an hour.

Should I shoot the scriptwriter?

Yours

Cap'n Goodnight From Him

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DaveL
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Postby DaveL » Thu Jan 12, 2006 5:27 pm

The Black Spot wrote:Dear Auntie Blackbeard

on some swab's advice, I took a trip to Grapeshot McGonnigal's Ironmongers in Portsmouth. I needed some new manacles fer the hostages in the bilge, an something to light up me cabin with.

I asked 'im for "four candles" and "irons" an didn't get out o' the shop fer nearly an hour.

Should I shoot the scriptwriter?

Yours

Cap'n Goodnight From Him


YArrrr...

Next toime, try not to ask Grapeshot for a demo of the manacles. That way ye won't spend so much toime chained up while ye do yer shoppin'.

HArrrr...HArrrr...HArrrr...
Loosely Canonising and keeping it free for all Pastafarians
http://www.loose-canon.info/

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DaveL
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Postby DaveL » Fri Jan 13, 2006 7:45 am

Dear Aunty Blackbeard,

O'im afraid Oi've let out me secret that Oi've stolen me Arghh 9000 to all the PlayBilge readers. Now every reader is stealin their Arghh 9000s rather than payin' for 'em.

Will PlayBilge Magazine be disendorsed by the Arghh Shipping Works?
Or should Oi just turn meself over to Honest John O Grady's to get a floggin'.

If worse comes to worse Oi may be able to chase an alternative sponsorship with el cheapo Korean ship builders 'Hyun-dog.'

Koind Regards,

Capn Steal It Quick!!
Loosely Canonising and keeping it free for all Pastafarians
http://www.loose-canon.info/

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The Black Spot
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Postby The Black Spot » Fri Jan 13, 2006 10:19 am

Dear Cap'n Steal It Quick

Arrr...

I'll be sending a couple o' the boys round to have a word wi' Honest John. I's sure that after we's be havin a friendly little chat about the glowin reports us pirates be givin his ships, he'll be more than happy to increase 'is sponsorship.

But if ye still fells the need fer more advertisin, has ye approached Toyota? They be churnin out a horseless carriage called the YARIS. I kids ye not! Look it up!

yours

Cap'n Kray

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black bart
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Portholes Piracy

Postby black bart » Fri Jan 13, 2006 11:45 am

Dear Aunty

This modern age o piracy be gettin to me...

first I tries to stump up the cash fer an Aarghhh 9000 only to find out they're bringin out the Aarghh 9001 next month. Then ye tells me there's an horseless carriage for travelin landlubbers called the YYAAAARIS!!!!

Where will it all end?

Yours

Captain Still usin Portholes 95.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

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The Black Spot
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Postby The Black Spot » Fri Jan 13, 2006 12:38 pm

Dear Cap'n Still

Arr...

'tis easy t' get left behind in these modern times. Yer must learn ter embrace all this newfangledness.

Meself, I hast installed a new ship detection system on me own vessel. It be called sonarrr. It works on the idea o' measuring the echoes produced by a flock o' shriekin parrots.

'Tis perfect fer foggy nights, but fer best results 'tis advised to use it fer sneakin up on a galleon full o' deaf people.

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DaveL
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Postby DaveL » Sat Jan 14, 2006 7:32 am

YArrrr...

Oi've just had news that the Arggh Shipworks won't be releasin the Arggh 9001 for some time.

They are waiting for all the PlayBilge readers to return their stolen Arggh 9000's first. So fear not lads/laddettes, if yer like what you've stolen - keep it. We can reverse the planned obselence trend as well as global warmin'.

YArrrrrr....
Loosely Canonising and keeping it free for all Pastafarians
http://www.loose-canon.info/

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DaveL
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Postby DaveL » Mon Jan 16, 2006 7:26 am

Dear Aunty Blackbeard,

Oi'm afraid O'ive fallen in love with a rather dangerous woman. Oi am besotted with the President of the National Musket Association featured in PlayBilge.

Do yer think it's wise to date a woman yielding an AK47? Or could this be a bonus?

Kind Regards,

Capn Bowling for Columbine
Loosely Canonising and keeping it free for all Pastafarians
http://www.loose-canon.info/


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