Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved here

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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black bart
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Broad side

Postby black bart » Mon Jan 16, 2006 9:56 am

YAAAAARRRR...

Just make sure ye give her a broadside fer me!!!! :D

Yours

Captain Charlton Heston
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

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The Black Spot
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Postby The Black Spot » Mon Jan 16, 2006 1:23 pm

DaveL wrote:Oi'm afraid O'ive fallen in love with a rather dangerous woman. Oi am besotted with the President of the National Musket Association featured in PlayBilge.

Do yer think it's wise to date a woman yielding an AK47? Or could this be a bonus?


Dear Cap'n Bowling,

Arrr...

ye be playin with fire here, but as long as yer keep yer weapon clean an yer barrel well-greased yers should be ok.

Yours

Auntie Fnarr Fnarr

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Griffin
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Postby Griffin » Mon Jan 16, 2006 4:27 pm

The Black Spot wrote:
DaveL wrote:Oi'm afraid O'ive fallen in love with a rather dangerous woman. Oi am besotted with the President of the National Musket Association featured in PlayBilge.

Do yer think it's wise to date a woman yielding an AK47? Or could this be a bonus?


Dear Cap'n Bowling,

Arrr...

ye be playin with fire here, but as long as yer keep yer weapon clean an yer barrel well-greased yers should be ok.

Yours

Auntie Fnarr Fnarr


Dear Cap'n Bowlin

I be thinkin' you might polish up your disarmin' charms.......

sincerely as ever
Cap'n Treadmill
Grand Deducer Watson of Sherlock. NoName, no pack drill. Astral zone changed five times a day (flexible). Great at manifesting parking spaces by thought control. Hatred of terminology of survivors and commitment to win-win reality.

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black bart
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Hypnotic

Postby black bart » Tue Jan 17, 2006 10:19 am

Dear Auntie

As part of the seasons festivities I decided to entertain me crew by invitin a hypnotist aboard. Captain Paul McKenna proved a good investment and is act went down well with the men. However half way through his act he was knocked over board by a flyin fish and this as left me with a few problems. I can't get the first Mate down from the Crows nest cos he thinks he's an albatros, the carpenter keeps tryin to sing like Michael Jackson, the bosun thinks he can see everybody naked (this as caused him to lock iself in the brig) and the rest of the crew all got in a life boat and started singin 'Row, row, yer boat gently....' How can I get em to snap out of it before we have another encounter with Captain Lafitte?

Votre chere amie

General Napolean Bonaparte
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

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Duke
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Re: Hypnotic

Postby Duke » Tue Jan 17, 2006 7:28 pm

black bart wrote:Dear Auntie

As part of the seasons festivities I decided to entertain me crew by invitin a hypnotist aboard. Captain Paul McKenna proved a good investment and is act went down well with the men. However half way through his act he was knocked over board by a flyin fish and this as left me with a few problems. I can't get the first Mate down from the Crows nest cos he thinks he's an albatros, the carpenter keeps tryin to sing like Michael Jackson, the bosun thinks he can see everybody naked (this as caused him to lock iself in the brig) and the rest of the crew all got in a life boat and started singin 'Row, row, yer boat gently....' How can I get em to snap out of it before we have another encounter with Captain Lafitte?

Votre chere amie

General Napolean Bonaparte


Dear Napolean,

Is it too late to get that hypnotist back on board? If not, ye might have to ship in another, to get the hypnotism off.

Captian Duke
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."

--Mark Twain


He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

--Friedrich Nietzsche


"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."

--Woody Allen

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Griffin
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Postby Griffin » Tue Jan 17, 2006 11:20 pm

Dear Auntie Blackbird

I be 'avin' terrible trubles wi'v me 'ealth. I be avin' the creaking bones and the hairs fallin' out alongs wiv' me peg leg bein' all over gammy. I be 'earin' of a book Piratical Health and Remedies but where can I find it?

Cap'n Treadmill
Grand Deducer Watson of Sherlock. NoName, no pack drill. Astral zone changed five times a day (flexible). Great at manifesting parking spaces by thought control. Hatred of terminology of survivors and commitment to win-win reality.

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DaveL
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Postby DaveL » Wed Jan 18, 2006 4:53 am

Dear Capn Treadmill,

O'ill send yer me fish head stew recipe. If it doesn't kill yers, nothin' will. All yer have to do is survive the 3 day hallucinations and yer should be good as gold.

Yarrrrrr...
Loosely Canonising and keeping it free for all Pastafarians
http://www.loose-canon.info/

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black bart
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Hooky

Postby black bart » Wed Jan 18, 2006 9:50 am

Chere Auntie Blackbeard

If I defeat the Austro-Russian alliance at Austerlitz the whole of Europe will be mine for the taking - but Zut Alors - why am I wearing this Eye Patch - I can only see one half of the battle field!!!!!

Votre amie

Napolean (soon to be emperor if I can eat my darned croissants with this accursed hook!!!)
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

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Duke
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Re: Hooky

Postby Duke » Wed Jan 18, 2006 7:49 pm

black bart wrote:Chere Auntie Blackbeard

If I defeat the Austro-Russian alliance at Austerlitz the whole of Europe will be mine for the taking - but Zut Alors - why am I wearing this Eye Patch - I can only see one half of the battle field!!!!!

Votre amie

Napolean (soon to be emperor if I can eat my darned croissants with this accursed hook!!!)


Did ye hurt yer eye?

If not, ye'd best take it off.


Captain Duke
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."

--Mark Twain




He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

--Friedrich Nietzsche




"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."

--Woody Allen

beagle
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Postby beagle » Thu Jan 19, 2006 10:10 am

So Black Bart, I mean your imperial French Dictatorness, is that avatar what you look like when going fer a swim in your favourite black pirate cyberman outfit?

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black bart
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Self portrait

Postby black bart » Thu Jan 19, 2006 10:29 am

I do not know vat you talk about zer mon amie - here is a sketched self portrait of moi in mon favorite uniform!

Zut alors I look good non - josephine will be mine ce soir!
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

beagle
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Re: Self portrait

Postby beagle » Thu Jan 19, 2006 10:37 am

black bart wrote:Zut alors I look good non - josephine will be mine ce soir!


She says to say "Hi", and any chance of Beouf Wellington for dinner?

By the way, if you think believing yourself to be Napoleon is enough to get invalided off the site you've seriously misjudged the ambient madness threshold.

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black bart
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Postby black bart » Thu Jan 19, 2006 10:48 am

Beagle wrote:

She says to say "Hi", and any chance of Beouf Wellington for dinner?


I would stay off the beouf Wellington mon amie - or it will be you who is getting the madness non...ze english beef will give you ze Mad Cow desease!!!! :?
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

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DaveL
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Postby DaveL » Thu Jan 19, 2006 4:22 pm

Dear Auntie Blackbeard,

Durin our dockin' in Vladivostok recently, a rather shifty character named Igor boarded our ship. He was clad in atomic reactor clothin'. Igor asked us if we'd considered upgradin' our cannons to fire plutonium tipped warheads for that "added" advantage. He said he could sell us some really cheap weaponry.

As Oi be a "nuclear free", "stop global warmin' koind of pirate" Oi be wunderin should Oi spend me dubloons upgradin' 'The Cranky Crusteacean' to fire radioactive penetration devices?

Yours sincerely,

Capn Oppenheimer
Loosely Canonising and keeping it free for all Pastafarians
http://www.loose-canon.info/

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Duke
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Postby Duke » Thu Jan 19, 2006 7:18 pm

Dear Capn Oppenheimer

No! Them shells is dangerous to your crew, your ship, and the enviroment! There is better alternatives.


Captain Duke
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."

--Mark Twain




He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

--Friedrich Nietzsche




"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."

--Woody Allen


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