- Q: Can I skip this entire FAQ, then make new threads with these questions in them and expect to be cool? How about not reading this section, and then asking them later in the thread?
A: No. - Q: Will I understand this FAQ if I haven't read the open letter yet?
A: No. - Q: Hey! Wouldn't it be funny to say that the FSM has spoken to me/come to me in a dream/I am the FSM, and demand that you follow my ignorant, unsubstantiated schism or else be wrong?
A: No. - Q: Hey! I just arrived, and I see that you disagree with the teaching of intelligent design in school. Does this mean I can assume that you also abhor Christianity? Does this mean that we share every single remotely religious or moral belief? Does this mean that I can be an intolerant jackass on these forums, because everybody has to agree with me?
A: No. FSMism is intended to protest attempts to include religion in science curriculum. We are in no way against religion itself, and we do not appreciate being portrayed as such by radical people who consider this the perfect vehicle to spread their inane doctrines. - Q: Are any of the questions in here not going to involve "no?"
A: Maybe. - Q:Where can I post to best introduce myself, say that I've just converted, or something similar?
A: There's an introduction thread in this forum. It's the New Convert thread. Don't click the "New Topic" button to introduce yourself. Please. - Q: What's the Pastafarian position on some political issue not related to intelligent design?
A: I have absolutely no idea. But We can discuss it intelligently. - Q: Are you people for real?
A: Yes. We're real people. - Q: Seriously.
A: Yes. We all fervently believe that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster, who designed it to appear older than it really was, and make it look like it worked in ways similar to logical conjectures made on overwhelming observable evidence, but actually wasn't, and actually didn't, because He ultimately controls it all with His Noodly Appendage! - Q: Really?
A: [Audible Elipses] - Q: Okay, I get it. So why a Spaghetti Monster?
A: Why not? Has better ring to it than "bearded white guy." Besides, ask Bobby. It was his revelation. - Q: You guys know you're going to Hell, right?
A: That's your opinion. We try to be tolerant of your opinions, so could you at least try to tolerate ours? - Q: Speaking of Hell, what's that like? I know that Heaven has a stripper factory and a beer volcano, but is there anything else?
A: If you're a true believer in whatever faith you're a part of, and you've done what's expected of you, then that's the Afterlife you get. FSM has no territorial disputes with anybody else. If you're not going there, we'll take you, and it may not be fun, but it beats the hell (haha! hell!) outta Lakes of Fire.
There will be a kind of HellLight, where unbelievers have to live with school cafeteria spaghetti, second rate beer, and boring jobs in the service industries where the Heavenbound FSMists will be living. There will be no privation, no physical torture, no burning or boiling in various liquids. These aren't bad people, these are people that followed the culture and customs of their times and did not recognize the difference between a culture and a faith. And this HellLight will include a just and equitable redemption process.
Actual FSM Hell is reserved for a very few, and those will be divided from the Pasta, the finest beverages and the fellowship of persons of good will and kind intent. They will do all the laundry, cleaning and heavy or unpleasant jobs that are there. Never will they eat of the Pasta of any kind, but will live on lots of beans and rice, potatoes and extremely cheap cuts of meat, and the type of diet that the American urban poor can afford, or that Senior Citizens and disabled persons on Social Security are reduced to. They get the really icky dirty work. They deserve it. The bullies of the geopolitical world will be there, and their helpers. The false religious leaders, who plead for funds through electronic media, and give nothing of their true selves, and hoard the money and live in opulence, they will be there. Many others of ill-intent will be with them.
There is a reservation there for the tricksters, the con-men,the corrupt, unrepentant politicians, who will begin every work day by licking clean the footwear of every Native American person there, even in HellLight. Also there will be the promulgators of the horrible practices against the indigenous people of every country ever "modernized" by Western Civilization. They lick boots as well. And when they're through they get to do all the stuff that nobody in the Hell above them want to do.
Not a real burning-in type hell, no boiling lakes of fire, just an appropriate "reward." No more lunatics and sadists, please.
Other people have other ideas, but then again other people are promoting Holy War, too. Don't do that in the name of our FSM. That's not the Way to Do Things Right.
Then again, we could be completely wrong. - Q: Ooh! What about the Pastafarian equivilant of such-and-such element of such-and-such religion that you didn't cover above?
A: We're not trying to completely copy and twist everything about religion. We don't take issue with religion; we take issue with it being taught as science. - Q: Well, one aspect of other religions you do have is a god. Who happens to be made of pasta. Isn't it sorta wrong to eat what He's made of?
A: Eat some of this bread instead, and wash it down with this wine, then. - Q: What?
A: The Flying Spaghetti Monster is not pasta, but a deity who chooses to represent Himself as pasta. If you like Pasta, go ahead and eat some. He doesn't mind, because the Sharing of the Pasta is a form of worship. Especially the sharing part. Transubstantiation is not part of Pastafarian doctrine. That means when you eat Pasta, you aren't eating Him, but eating Pasta. - Q: So, I'd love to eat pasta, but I have some sort of medical condition/diet/personal preference that prevents me from doing so. What do I do?
A: His Noodly Majesty is, above all, tolerant. Be a good person, and you'll be fine, eating Pasta or not. - Q: What if I don't have a set of pirate regalia? What if I don't drink beer? What if I think strippers are immoral?
A: Tolerance. You'll be okay. - Q: Speaking of pirates, did you know about Talk Like a Pirate day?
A: Yes. - Q: Speaking of beer, what kind of beer is in the volcano? What if it's not my favorite? What are the strippers like? What if I'm a woman and want a man? What if I'm looking for a relationship, not just short-term fun? What if...
A: He is omniscient and omnipotent. You'll be well taken care of in Heaven, in a way that will suit your wants and needs exactly. - Q: Cool! I get it! By the way, what's the best way to be sarcastic and condescending to those who I think are idiots? What about all those people who don't subscribe to whatever specific religious or other philosophy I might have? They really need to learn that the universe revolves around me.
A: No, you don't get it. Tolerance. - Q: Okay, so I do get it. How long has this been around, anyway?
A: His Noodly Majesty has been around since the beginning of the universe, which he created.
If you're asking when He revealed Himself to Bobby Henderson, you're asking about May 2005 CE. - Q: And how many Pastafarians are there?
A: Millions, scattered around the planet. - Q: Really? Wow!
A: Actually, we have no clue. - Q: Oh. Either way, add 1 to that number, because I'm in! Now, what can I do to help?
A: Spread His Word among your peers! Or, if you're feeling philanthropic, help needy people.
If you have any further questions, please post them in this thread. Make sure to read through it first to ascertain that your question hasn't yet be answered.
Happy posting!
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