The truth behind Atlantis

Submit your scriptural writings for inclusion in the Loose Canon, and your tales of ancient FSM Lore, as well as any other FSM-related writing you may have.

Moderator: All Things Mods

User avatar
Pirate Priest
Yellow Carded
Posts: 25
Joined: Tue Jul 11, 2006 5:28 am
Location: Arizona

The truth behind Atlantis

Postby Pirate Priest » Wed Jul 12, 2006 3:28 am

[The following article is based off of an ancient document that was handed to me by his noodly appendage. This document had been lost at the bottom of the sea and was wet when he gave it to me. So I put it into the microwave to heat it up, unfortunatley it caught fire and burned up. Luckily, however, the FSM has a photographic memory so he just told me what it said.]

Atlantis did infact exsist. He created it and was going to make it the official homeland of the Pirates, it was named after one of the Pirate's favorite oceans, the Atlantic. It was located in between Africa and North America and was suppose to serve as a pit stop to tired pirates who were low on grog and needed a new bunch of wenches. However there was evil afoot. The nearby countries learned of this sacred land that was enriched with tropical fruit, freshbeer springs, and the now extinct Rague Tree (A tree which bore leaves of pasta and meatballs.) They, however, grew jealous. They were jealous of this great land given to the pirates. Greedy they were, they were not content with their own countries, and did not care that the pirate race did not have their own. They quickly began to migrate from their homeland to Atlantis. The FSM allowed them to pass, unless they didn't have their green cards that is. Immigrants flooded into the land of Atlantis, and so began the race of Atlantians.

Atlantians, however, grew snobby and stuck up. They looked down on the origonal pirate inhabitants of the continent. They thought they were too good for the pirates, and disapproved of their so-called "misbehaviour." They began to kick pirates out of Atlantis. The FSM saw this and grew furious. The Atlantians did not stop their. In believing they were an elite race, they began to become unpeaceful, warlike, and imperialistic. They started waging wars on nearby countries. The FSM could finally take no more, they had become a hateful and violent race, with most of their hate directed towards the pirates, they were everything the FSM despised. They stopped eating from Rague Trees, and stopped drinking from the freshbeer springs. This wonderful paradise was going to waste, it was time for Him to take action.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster gathered some of his noodly appendages and began to violently spin them around Atlantis. It created a massive whirlpool and it sucked Atlantis to the bottom of the sea. Ashamed of the ungreatful race he had created, the FSM decided to give them the ultimate punishment. He whiped them from exsistence. He covered their once great land,that was now at the bottom of the sea, with dirt so it could never be seen. He destroyed all writings about Atlantis and erased everyones memories of it, except for one. The FSM had one person left to rid of the memories of Atlantis. This man was Plato. When the FSM layed eyes upon Plato he let out a chuckle, Plato was a stoner and a heroine addict (as were many philosophers of his day), so the FSM just decided to save his noodly appendage because no one would ever believe this loser.

Atlantis was meant to be home to the Pirate race, however the greed of man ruined it for them. May all you greedy, corrupted men out there (or politicians as I like to call them), may you all freeze in Antarctica!

Billy Dinsmore
Pirate Priest

User avatar
Go-To Guy
Posts: 3038
Joined: Sun Dec 04, 2005 10:44 pm

Postby Alpaca » Wed Jul 12, 2006 11:19 am

Verily, the wise council of the Olive Garden shall consider this text for inclusion in the Holy Scripture. (Did I get it right, Auntie?)

In the meantime, welcome to the forums! Why doncha post in the big red Start Here forum and introduce yourself to everyone.

Return to “Scripture and Lore”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests