The Cutlass Hotel

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Aargh, me hearties. Come an' take a holiday at the new floatin' hotel!
Just provide yer name, the name of yer ship and whatever detail ye need to divulge an' take a key!

**Who you sleep with is entoirely up to you**

Cap'n Turtlehead
Ship:The Full as a Boot
Meanin'less detail: Oi does prefer a snifter o' brandy over rum, when oi duz can get it. Oi played the rock in me pre-school play, "A Rock an' Me".
Oi ran over an ol' lady whoiles she was doin' her swimmin' lessons.
Oi discovered the secret ingrdient of coca cola! Jamaican sperm.
Oi'll take me key an' be on me way then!

[black bart]

Arrrrrrr tis a luxury liner an no doubt...where be the spa?

Name: Black Bart
Ship: The Big Brenda
Meaningless detail: I'm in love with a German film star I once saw in a movie

[The Black Spot]

Arrrr... I knows that hotel. They say that room 1708 be haunted by a terrible evil, an' no-one be allowed to stay in it.

One night, a tramp sneaked into the hotel an' broke into 1708 to bed down fer the night. The next mornin' they found the tramp smeared all over the walls an' ceiling. Even the ship's surgeon threw up when 'ee saw it.

It were the tramp's fault anyway. The stupid smelly git shouldn't 'ave broken into the room where I were sleepin' off a night on the grog.

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Aargh! The spa is bein' above the boiler!

[black bart]

Arrrgh...The Boiler...it weren't plumbed in by Bustlin Brian were it?

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Woodent ye loike te know.

EDIT: Note to all patrons: The Fish Head restaurant has just bin' opened. Thy menu is as follows:
~Foodstuffs~
Rat onna stick: $4.50
Fruit With Citrus In: 60c a piece
Rat Pie: $22.50 (plus PST ((Pirate Service Tax)))
Blancmange: $3.00

~Drinkables~
Rum: 30c (pint) $3.00 (barrel)
Pina Colada: $1.00
Non-Alcoholics: Free, coz' nobody'll drink it anyways.

Please add your suggestions, and they'll be rejected.

[DaveL]

Name: Capn DaveL
Ship: The Arghhh 9000 LSE (Luxury Sports Edition)
Meaningless detail: Portsmouth Harbour Authority have stopped booking me for speeding once me donations kicked in

[The Black Spot]

Arrrgh...The Boiler...it weren't plumbed in by Bustlin Brian were it?

Strange ye should mention that. When they went t' scrub the tramp off the walls o' room 1708, they sent fer some hot water.

They lit the boiler, an' it exploded. Smeared three chambermaids all over the walls to go wi' the tramp.

Nuffin good e'er came out o' room 1708, I tells ye.

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Arrrgh...The Boiler...it weren't plumbed in by Bustlin Brian were it?

Strange ye should mention that. When they went t' scrub the tramp off the walls o' room 1708, they sent fer some hot water.

They lit the boiler, an' it exploded. Smeared three chambermaids all over the walls to go wi' the tramp.

Nuffin good e'er came out o' room 1708, I tells ye.

'Cept for the luverly meal they provided to the patrons of the restaurant...oi'll stop infringin' meself noo.

[PantyGnawer]

PG sneaks in and steals all your rum

[Nef Yoo BlackBeard]

nef yoo snuked eh an stold yer yummy rum caek!


fank ye yer welkum

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

Ware did this tred kum frum?
O'er a yeer olde an oi nefer noticed et .