Corrupt a wish.

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Granted. Unfortunately, you were killed in 'Nam by some big bulky Aryan American.

I wish that I could have some sort of interesting anecdote to share, like a man with a fishing rod invading my home.

(not counting the whole "my dog peed on the same column as my friend" episode.)

[black bart]

Granted, but the anecdote, which does involve a man invading you with a big rod, doesn't end well for you!

I wish for a change from Onion soup for lunch

[Moral Minority]

Granted. Your meal is endless supplies of French Mustard.

I wish for someone who would just be a perfect partner to me.

[Cryofdragon]

Granted, now go out into the world and find him/her.

I wish I could gain talent without practice.

[Dr Dagger]

Granted, the only talent you have, however, is to get morbidly obese from eating anything.

I wish that something good for me will happen to me when the next person posts on this thread.

[farfalla]

wherever you are, D. D, a ray of sunshine just entered your mind filling you with a feeling of peace, contentment and love for all, unfortunately it was immediately snuffed out by a powerful ray from the dark side of reality

I people in Darfur would stop killing anyone

.

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Granted. Now they'll start killing selected people.

I wish for a schaudenfreude party.

[lordpunkmonk]

granted people are schaudenfreudeing you

I wish for a can of tuna which I will not eat so might as well not poison it

[ken worley]

Granted.
You have an inedible nonpoisoned can of tuna, lodged deep in your colon,
after having run your supermarket trolley over the foot of a 350-pound enraged musclehead, who'd just shot up with yet another massive dose of steroids.

I wish I'd have been there to see it.

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Granted. I'm there too.

I wish I had more money.

[farfalla]

granted - now the tax people have you on perpetual audit

I wish my tax situation with the IRS, which has been going on for over a year, would end in my favor

[lordpunkmonk]

granted it will now end in you giving them a favor and you still get taxed

I wish for a drop of water in a cup 5000 miles away from me

[Cryofdragon]

granted, that dehydrated child 5000 miles away from you now only has a drop of water instead of a full glass

I wish for nothing to happen except what was going to happen if I didn't make this wish.

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Granted. Now everything will happen.

I wish that those "9:00 with So and So" shows were all cancelled, and replaced with decent viewing.

[Moral Minority]

Granted. They are replaced with what MM thinks is decent viewing and you are subjected to Gothic industrial shows.

I wish I could be drunk right now.