A Vision and a Problem

Submit your scriptural writings for inclusion in the Loose Canon, and your tales of ancient FSM Lore, as well as any other FSM-related writing you may have.

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A Vision and a Problem

Postby Cypselurus » Sat May 31, 2008 2:33 pm

A vision came to me last night. At first, I did not know what to make of it. I saw a form most difficult to describe. The form was long, slender, flaccid, pale-yellow in color, and it had the distinct odor of boiled wheat. As I contemplated the one strand, more appeared, and still more, until I saw a wriggling ellipse of these strands

Pondering this amazing sight, I witnessed two strands rise up and swell as cheese flakes flew in, as a swarm of wasps would, and coalesce as into balls atop the swelling strands, and from these balls of cheese, a substance like pesto in smell and appearance welled up as though secreted by a gland, spreading, forming a deep green-black dot upon each ball of cheese. As this... metamorphosis transpired, these strands began to appear and behave as eye stalks on a crab or perhaps a snail. I could feel a sensation unlike any I've felt before, and yet it was oddly familiar. It could best be described as a cold, sharp glare, peering right through me, right into my mind combined with the warm, familiar sensation of smelling the scent of garlic and tomatoes at a corner pizzeria, like the sort you'd find on Long Island or in New York. I felt love.

At this point, perhaps only 5 seconds had passed, and yet I can see it, even now, in such rich detail that I may have well had studied it for a lifetime. It became apparent to me that these wriggling strands were nothing otherworldly - they were quality durum wheat semolina spaghetti. As tangle wriggled, it likewise expanded, and within moments, I could identify ground meat coated with marinara sauce as meatballs of immense proportions emerged.

It was unmistakable. I was in the very presence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and He had chosen to reveal Himself to me in all his wonderful glory. He spoke, and yet I could not hear. I heard words, and it was intelligible, but my mind could not digest it, could not comprehend it. I heard Him speak, yet I could not hear it. Even now, His image is clear in my mind, His words, echoing in my ears, and I strain to hear.

As I write this now, one thing has become apparent to me. I had not been touched by His Noodly Appendage. I saw His form in its entirety, an indescribably glorious image, as if my mind had been expanded to witness the universe in its entirety. Yet, never once did a noodly strand approach me, let alone bless me with its touch. I had seen it. It is no longer a matter of faith, for I had actually seen the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I want to follow His will, but I cannot hear, I cannot understand. It makes no sense to me.

And so, tired and defeated, I humbly approach the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster for help. Why can I not hear? What does the FSM have planned?

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Rev. Rowan Redbeard
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Postby Rev. Rowan Redbeard » Sat May 31, 2008 2:43 pm

Nobody knows. It is ineffable.

And the FSM doesn't speak to people. Or if He does, he doesn't want you to come out and tell everyone.

The Seventh 'I'd Really Rather You Didn't' wrote:I’d really rather you didn’t go around telling people I talk to you. You’re not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can’t you take a hint?
—Captain the Reverend Lord C.S. Rowan, Lord of Glencoe, Minister of Pastafarianism, Gentleman Pirate

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Re: A Vision and a Problem

Postby Cypselurus » Sun Jun 01, 2008 4:17 am

So, essentially, he's screwing with my brain, then. Amazing.

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Cpt Celle
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Re: A Vision and a Problem

Postby Cpt Celle » Sun Jun 15, 2008 12:50 pm

I don't believe our Noodly lord would screw with your brain, he's got a stripper factory. I think the act of brainscrewing is typically human behaviour, often self-inflicted. :?
Sanity is in numbers.

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Re: A Vision and a Problem

Postby GreenRain22 » Mon Jun 16, 2008 8:23 pm

In the words of the pastor of City of Hope...

"You've had too much pizza, Steve!!"
Kaylee: Wash, tell me I'm pretty.
Wash: If I were unwed, I would take you up in a manly fashion.
Kaylee: 'Cause I'm pretty?
Wash: 'Cause your pretty.
(Wash and Kaylee, Firefly, Heart of Gold)

It's a broken hearts parade
And I'm putting my heart out on display
There's no masquerade
Just a funeral march for love today
The band strikes up and they're playing a song
Dressed in black, and we're singing along to the
Broken hearts parade
I've never been better then I am today

(Broken Hearts Parade - Good Charlotte)

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