Holy Prayers

[tris]

I particularly enjoyed "commando"'s prayer:
Our Spaghetti - Who art in meat sauce - Flying be thy way - Thy meatballs come - Thy Noodling done
On earth as it is inside us - Give us this day our bolognaise - And forgive us our pizzas
As we forgive those who eat pizza before us - And lead us not to the salad bar - But deliver us from tofu
For thine is the gnocchi - The penne and linguine - Forever and ever RAmen

I too have been ispired to write this one (tho' you've probably already seen it in the "non-converts" part of the site):

Our monster so great, such art in the plate
Hallowed be thy scrummy yummy juicy sauces
Thy kingdom come, some day, but not too late:
Before we move onto our second courses!
Give us this day our daily pasta
And forgive us if we sometimes overcook it
As we forgive them who eat it much faster
(The important thing is not to overlook it!)
And lead us not into false consummation
Of dire dodgy dishes: nasty noodles or Ramen
For thine is the source of the saucy sensation
Forever and ever Spaghetti Monster amen!

May his inspirational grace continue to shine down upon us all!

[Ubi Dubium]

Ah, Tris!

I just left a comment over on the main site for you to come join us here, and I see you already have! Welcome, and YAARRGH!

[Frozen Toe]

My one question about these holiest of prayers is this: If I am in the middle of a place where the "Lord's Prayer" is being said, am I justified in my decision to say my chosen variation of His Noodliness's Prayer at the same time as the Unconverted are speaking the prayer of their chosen deity?

I think I am, but what think ye?

[Elvalia]

I wouldn't- it seems rude. Like singing your own song while someone else is singing, because you don't like their song. You can, certainly, but I think it's a little inconsiderate.

[tris]

Reply to Frozen Toe on Sat Oct 18, 2008 2:18 am (I see you have similar nocturnal habits to me! Going out and getting pissed or searching for a parking place all night on Saturday isn’t really as much fun as writing in to this site is it?)
I tend to agree with Elvalia (Sat Oct 18, 2008 4:11 am (looks like she has similar nocturnal habits to us… but even worse!) I presume Elvalia is a she altho' her-his avatar has no apparent sexual attributes and her-his profile says (s)he's into rugby... which aint exactly a feminine thing... but who says ladies should always do feminine things??! (for example I know some really tough little boxing girls!) so no disrespect intended!
That is to say I agree that it might be rude (I'd say disrespectful) to recite His Noodliness's Prayer while others are reciting the Lord's Prayer. How would you feel if you were in the middle of a place where His Noodliness's Prayer is being said, and one of “the Unconverted” started reciting the Lord's Prayer at the same time?? would you approve??? I think not!
I guess if you wanted to point out that you don’t approve of the prayer of their chosen deity and you don’t give a fuck if they know it and you don’t give a fuck what they think about you then it would be right to recite His Noodliness's Prayer… otherwise it’s best to keep silent, or even hum along (you can always recite His Noodliness's Prayer in your head)! I'm sure His Noodliness wouldnt mind... I suspect he's interested in the form not the content!

[tris]

I just remembered that I wrote a sort of anti-religious poem a couple of years ago and I suppose it could fit into the Holy Prayers category... I guess someone might enjoy it anyway! I wrote it after a "conversation" (more like a very long, boring and repetitive lecture!) with a "believer" who absolutely refused to consider any other way of looking at reality other than through her God-tinted belief-tainted dark (very very dark!) glasses... I remember I instantly stopped fancying her even though she'd invited me to her place... fanatical belief is very un-sexy! (I guess the invitation was in fact to try and brainwash me, rather than to have her wicked way with me... more's the pity, she was quite sexy apart from her obsession!)
Anyway here's the poem:

The wall of faith

This absolute barrier of certainty
Protecting, excluding, enclosing.
This wall of denial, deception and guile
So ancient and dead and imposing

No room for any other opinions
No room for some freedom of thought
No doubt like a cloud is ever allowed
To obscure the bright "truth" they were taught.

And they vomit it up with such passion and rage,
Repeating the formula, the fixed turn of phrase.
With a face like a mask, they dictate, they don't ask,
Chanting on, with fanatical gaze.

And science, the demon, may sneak in, but shunned
And sneered at and beaten or hidden away,
Like a shameful disease, brought down to his knees
And made to observe and obey.

Repeating for centuries their mantras and rosaries
Never changing, never learning, ever closed to the world.
They fight the good fight, in an unyielding night
Their swords always drawn, with their banners unfurled.

Full of scorn for the sceptic, hatred for the heretic.
The atheist infidel has no right to exist.
He is nothing, an absence, a lack, a non-entity
To be crushed with fanatical fist,

Or pitied and patronised with contempt half-concealed
They may stoop to speak from their far higher level.
With their fossilized dogmas and their knowledge of God,
In their certainties they are the devil!

[tris]

Sorry folks! i said something rather stupid in my penultimate post! I meant to say "I suspect he's LESS interested in the form than the content!" or "I suspect he's interested in the content not the form"!
We all know he's a tolerant and intelligent deity for tolerant and intelligent people who allows us to bend the rules a bit, dont we?? altho I suppose Chad the impaler (see the recent comments on the open letter!) wouldnt agree...
I wonder when he'll write in with a bloodsplashed fanatical FSM prayer!

[Elvalia]

Reply to Frozen Toe on Sat Oct 18, 2008 2:18 am (I see you have similar nocturnal habits to me! Going out and getting pissed or searching for a parking place all night on Saturday isn’t really as much fun as writing in to this site is it?)
I tend to agree with Elvalia (Sat Oct 18, 2008 4:11 am (looks like she has similar nocturnal habits to us… but even worse!) I presume Elvalia is a she altho' her-his avatar has no apparent sexual attributes and her-his profile says (s)he's into rugby... which aint exactly a feminine thing... but who says ladies should always do feminine things??! (for example I know some really tough little boxing girls!) so no disrespect intended!
That is to say I agree that it might be rude (I'd say disrespectful) to recite His Noodliness's Prayer while others are reciting the Lord's Prayer. How would you feel if you were in the middle of a place where His Noodliness's Prayer is being said, and one of “the Unconverted” started reciting the Lord's Prayer at the same time?? would you approve??? I think not!
I guess if you wanted to point out that you don’t approve of the prayer of their chosen deity and you don’t give a fuck if they know it and you don’t give a fuck what they think about you then it would be right to recite His Noodliness's Prayer… otherwise it’s best to keep silent, or even hum along (you can always recite His Noodliness's Prayer in your head)! I'm sure His Noodliness wouldnt mind... I suspect he's interested in the form not the content!

I like you. You seem a very friendly sort. Anyway, off-topic as I am (my bad. I always seem to be off-topic) with this comment, keep in mind that I'm obviously not in the same time zone as you are, tris. My post was written around 11:40pm, not exactly a ridiculous time to be awake.
[/off-topic]

[tris]

Thanks 4 yr prompt reply Elvalia
That’s funny... on my computer it says you wrote in on Sat Oct 18, 2008 at 4:11 am
If you say your post was written around 11:40pm (presumably on Friday night!) then it was almost 5 hours earlier than the reported time so I suppose you are 15X4.5ish = 70 degrees of latitude further east from me. Somewhere in the Atlantic ocean! (or maybe Newfoundland….. conceivably Maine or Boston if you really sent it at 11pm) so you’d better watch out baby! I know where you are!
I'm glad u like me... It’s just as well you say so really 'cos I might be a vengeful psycho for all you know! Anyway thanks for the compliment… I do try to be a friendly and amusing sort of guy… but when people I care about ignore me or treat my overtures to friendship (or attempts to continue a friendship) with silence and disdain I become a raging monster! (we need a wrathful, vengeful old testament FSM here, but the ninja FSM is the closest I can find!) This has in fact recently happened to me and I am stewing in the foul-smelling juices of anger and rancour (at least I know it… and that’s a start!)
Anyway why don’t you read my anti-fanatic poem and tell me if u like it!?

[tris]

I said something silly again! I meant further west (because further ahead in time!) not "further east"!
Must be those "foul-smelling juices of anger and rancour" making horrible vapours that enter my brain and make me stupid... they helped my tennis yesterday though!

[Elvalia]

Ah, I'm not a good judge of poetry at all. But I liked it, and it does an accurate job of describing some people I know (though not all of the religious people I know, of course). It was cute.

[Angel-Hair Archmage]

Could i just do a simple sing-song chant one?

Meatbal meatball, Spaghetti underneath!
Rigatoni, Ravioli, Noodles and beef!


You guys can add more thats all i got.

[tris]

OK angel hair, it aint much of a start and it aint much of a prayer (I'm not even sure if underneath really rhymes with beef.. it's more of an assonance than a rhyme!) but here's a modification to get it rhyming right and a continuation:

1 Meatball 2 meatballs, Spaghetti so holy!
Linguine, cappellini, fusilli, ravioli!
Humbly we worship thee all as we eat
And throw ourselves down at thy noodly feet!

For we will obey our great noodly master
Who speaks to us while we're devouring our pasta.
Rigatoni and ramen, and saucy pennette
Orecchiette al dente and soft conchigliette...

It's late so I'll let someone else continue!

[moodydaniel]

Thought I'd immortalise my sig...

Our Flyer,
Who drink in heaven,
FSM be thy name,
Thy ketchup come,
Thy sauce be done,
On earth as it's served in heaven.
Give us this day our garlic bread,
And forgive over cooked Tagliatelle,
As we forgive those who serve it to us.
And lead us not into takeaways,
Who deliver pizzas so evil.
For thine is the pasta, al dente cooked spaghetti.
For breakfast and dinner,
RAmen

[emul]

I'm new to this forum but have been donated to the Kiva FSM group for many years. Here's a version that I posted there a few years ago...
- Emul Sokola

Our Matey’s Prayer

Argh! Father who art in heaven, scrumptious be thy taste,
Thy meatballs brown, they are well done, served with noodly appendages,
Give us this day our garlic bread and lead us not into starvation,
Forgive us our gas passes, as we forgive those that pass gas near us,
For thine is the parmesan, the meat, and the pasta, forever.

ramen