MacBrenda
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- black bart
- Resident Weevil
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MacBrenda
MacBrenda (otherwise known as the Big Girl play)
For inspiration look up The Scottish Play on Google.
Scene 1. A Portsmouth Place
Thunder and Lightening and smell of Fish Head Stew...Enter Three Pirates
First Pirate: When shall we three meet again, In the Benbow, in the Pickled Partridge or in Debtors Prisain?
Second Pirate: When the price of grog is lower, when the Navy's shyppe's be slower.
Third Pirate: That will be ere the Stew is cooked
First Pirate: Where the place?
Second Pirate: Upon the dock
Third Pirate: There to meet with MacBrenda
First Pirate: I come Mad Wllium
Second Pirate: Benbow Calls
Third Pirate: Anon
All: Fair is foul, and foul is fair: Hover through the fog and filthy air. (yep that's Portsmouth alright).
For inspiration look up The Scottish Play on Google.
Scene 1. A Portsmouth Place
Thunder and Lightening and smell of Fish Head Stew...Enter Three Pirates
First Pirate: When shall we three meet again, In the Benbow, in the Pickled Partridge or in Debtors Prisain?
Second Pirate: When the price of grog is lower, when the Navy's shyppe's be slower.
Third Pirate: That will be ere the Stew is cooked
First Pirate: Where the place?
Second Pirate: Upon the dock
Third Pirate: There to meet with MacBrenda
First Pirate: I come Mad Wllium
Second Pirate: Benbow Calls
Third Pirate: Anon
All: Fair is foul, and foul is fair: Hover through the fog and filthy air. (yep that's Portsmouth alright).
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
- Detective TurtleHolmes
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Re: MacBrenda
Yarr, a spliffin' oidea. Perk up the place a bit, eh wot?
NOTE: Duncan be Wally, Malcolm be One-Eyed Matt, Donalbain be Innabin, Lennox be Wee Pete.
SCENE II. A camp near Forbes
Enter Wally, One-Eyed Matt, Innabin, Wee Pete, with Cabin Boys, meeting a bleeding Constable
Wally: Who be that blaggard? He can report,
Az seemeth by his plite, of the revoltin'
The newest stoat.
One-Eyed Matt: This be the constable
Who like a raggedy landvermin fought
'Gainst me lockupidity. Hail, brave tit!
Say to the Captain the knowledge of the broil
As thou didst leef it.
Constable: Doughtful it stood;
As two spent sailors, that do cling togevver
And choke on their fart. The merciless --
Worthy ta be a pirate, for to that
The multiplyin' vishins in rum
Do swarm upon him--from Western Portsmouth
Of bilge and grog be supplied;
An' loot, on his damned prey smilin',
Show'd like Bartie's whore: but all's too large:
For brave MacBrenda--well she desarrrves that name--
Turnin' her knows up at loot, with her brandish'd cutlass,
Which smoked wit' bloody pillagin',
Like DaveL's minion carved out his passage
Till he faced the galleyslave;
Which ne'er shook hooks, nor sent 'im on her waye,
Till she unseam'd him from the nave to the chaps,
And fix'd his head upon the mizzenmast.
NOTE: Duncan be Wally, Malcolm be One-Eyed Matt, Donalbain be Innabin, Lennox be Wee Pete.
SCENE II. A camp near Forbes
Enter Wally, One-Eyed Matt, Innabin, Wee Pete, with Cabin Boys, meeting a bleeding Constable
Wally: Who be that blaggard? He can report,
Az seemeth by his plite, of the revoltin'
The newest stoat.
One-Eyed Matt: This be the constable
Who like a raggedy landvermin fought
'Gainst me lockupidity. Hail, brave tit!
Say to the Captain the knowledge of the broil
As thou didst leef it.
Constable: Doughtful it stood;
As two spent sailors, that do cling togevver
And choke on their fart. The merciless --
Worthy ta be a pirate, for to that
The multiplyin' vishins in rum
Do swarm upon him--from Western Portsmouth
Of bilge and grog be supplied;
An' loot, on his damned prey smilin',
Show'd like Bartie's whore: but all's too large:
For brave MacBrenda--well she desarrrves that name--
Turnin' her knows up at loot, with her brandish'd cutlass,
Which smoked wit' bloody pillagin',
Like DaveL's minion carved out his passage
Till he faced the galleyslave;
Which ne'er shook hooks, nor sent 'im on her waye,
Till she unseam'd him from the nave to the chaps,
And fix'd his head upon the mizzenmast.
A flap of the wings yesterday means big changes tomorrow.
Let's work together to keep the present inevitable.
So yeah, I went and got a blog.
Let's work together to keep the present inevitable.
So yeah, I went and got a blog.
- black bart
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Re: MacBrenda
Aside:
This Play was written by none other than...
Mad Willium Bonney Shakespeare...although some have attributed it to Sir Francis Drake Bacon...
Captain Cronan appears by kind permission of Cunard Liners Ltd
MacBrenda's wardrobe also by Cunard Shipping.
Scene III
The Docks Portsmouth, evening just after pub opening.
More Thunder...
First Pirate: Will someone sticketh a cork up Arseburn O'Leary's Porthole!
This Play was written by none other than...
Mad Willium Bonney Shakespeare...although some have attributed it to Sir Francis Drake Bacon...
Captain Cronan appears by kind permission of Cunard Liners Ltd
MacBrenda's wardrobe also by Cunard Shipping.
Scene III
The Docks Portsmouth, evening just after pub opening.
More Thunder...
First Pirate: Will someone sticketh a cork up Arseburn O'Leary's Porthole!
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
- pieces o'nine
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Re: MacBrenda
First Pirate:
Wossup, homey?
Second Pirate:
Nuffink much. You?
Third Pirate:
Romeo, ware four art thou?
First Pirate:
A cabbin bouy 'ad bilge rats inna chest,
They scritch't, an scritch't, an scritch't:--
'Bugger orf,' oi sais:
'rRr!' thee lolly-slurpin blaggard mumbilt.
'Cronan's t'Portsmuff gone, master o' thee deepe:
But on me shippe oi'll trim thee sails,
An loike a rat wivvout a tail,
Oi'll comman an comman an comman.'
Second Pirate:
Oi'll give thee a wind, ye bagge o' weevils.
First Pirate:
Yer a git.
Third Pirate:
An oi anuvver.
First Pirate:
Oi meself 'ave awl thee ovver,
An thee ports they pilladje,
Awl thee pubbes that they know
I' thee seedy part ov town.
Oi'll put awl me drinks on 'is tabbe:
Keep 'im wenchin nyghte an day
Pick thee lock hupon 'is chest;
'E shall live a man blynde drunk:
Seein' dubbil, dubbil, toyle an trubbil,
'E will stagger two an fro:
'Is breff much werse than 'is byte,
An unsteddy hupon 'is pegleg.
Look wot oi 'as.
Second Pirate:
Show me! Show me!
First Pirate:
'Ere oi 'as ole Cronan's rum,
Wreck'd as homeward 'e did come.
-- Parrot wivvin --
Third Pirate:
A parrot! A parrot!
MacBrenda draweth nye.
Awl:
Best maytes awl, a toast,
Wun fer awl an awl fer wun,
An be shur t'put hit on Turdilhome's tabbe:
Thrice fer thyne an thrice fer myne
An thrice agin, to mayke hup nyne.
Pieces! thee charm's wound hup.
Wossup, homey?
Second Pirate:
Nuffink much. You?
Third Pirate:
Romeo, ware four art thou?
First Pirate:
A cabbin bouy 'ad bilge rats inna chest,
They scritch't, an scritch't, an scritch't:--
'Bugger orf,' oi sais:
'rRr!' thee lolly-slurpin blaggard mumbilt.
'Cronan's t'Portsmuff gone, master o' thee deepe:
But on me shippe oi'll trim thee sails,
An loike a rat wivvout a tail,
Oi'll comman an comman an comman.'
Second Pirate:
Oi'll give thee a wind, ye bagge o' weevils.
First Pirate:
Yer a git.
Third Pirate:
An oi anuvver.
First Pirate:
Oi meself 'ave awl thee ovver,
An thee ports they pilladje,
Awl thee pubbes that they know
I' thee seedy part ov town.
Oi'll put awl me drinks on 'is tabbe:
Keep 'im wenchin nyghte an day
Pick thee lock hupon 'is chest;
'E shall live a man blynde drunk:
Seein' dubbil, dubbil, toyle an trubbil,
'E will stagger two an fro:
'Is breff much werse than 'is byte,
An unsteddy hupon 'is pegleg.
Look wot oi 'as.
Second Pirate:
Show me! Show me!
First Pirate:
'Ere oi 'as ole Cronan's rum,
Wreck'd as homeward 'e did come.
-- Parrot wivvin --
Third Pirate:
A parrot! A parrot!
MacBrenda draweth nye.
Awl:
Best maytes awl, a toast,
Wun fer awl an awl fer wun,
An be shur t'put hit on Turdilhome's tabbe:
Thrice fer thyne an thrice fer myne
An thrice agin, to mayke hup nyne.
Pieces! thee charm's wound hup.
I will honor Monkey in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
~Charles "Darwin" Dickens
~Charles "Darwin" Dickens
- black bart
- Resident Weevil
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Re: MacBrenda
Third Pirate to 2nd Pirate who happens to be Scottish: Pray tell, is there anything worn under thine kilt?
2nd Pirate: Nay, tis all in perfect working order (Shakespeare never had jokes as good as this).

2nd Pirate: Nay, tis all in perfect working order (Shakespeare never had jokes as good as this).

The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
Re: MacBrenda
Third Pirate: I hear that there are a few good bannana jokes doing the rounds of late.
Second Pirate: Well that's incredible, as it's the 16th century, I don't think bannanas have been discovered just yet.
Second Pirate: Well that's incredible, as it's the 16th century, I don't think bannanas have been discovered just yet.
Loosely Canonising and keeping it free for all Pastafarians
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- pieces o'nine
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Re: MacBrenda
First Pirate:
Scrofulous unbeleever! Bananas
bain't disk cuv-ver-ed; they be created,
loike. 'Tis a pyrates wurst nyghtmare, oi 'ears.
Scrofulous unbeleever! Bananas
bain't disk cuv-ver-ed; they be created,
loike. 'Tis a pyrates wurst nyghtmare, oi 'ears.
I will honor Monkey in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
~Charles "Darwin" Dickens
~Charles "Darwin" Dickens
Re: MacBrenda
Fourth Pirate: Yarrrr...Oi hear that they be intelligently designed them 'nannas
Loosely Canonising and keeping it free for all Pastafarians
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- pieces o'nine
- Look Upon Her Works, Ye Migyt, and Despair!
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Re: MacBrenda
First Pirate:
Be this a cutlass witch oi sees 'fore me,
Thee handle tward me hook? Come, oi'll clutch thee;
Oi 'as thee knotte, an yette oi sees thee stille.
Art thou, moste fatal cutlass, nuffink but
A dagger ov thee mind, a false cr'ashun,
Sproutin frum thee banana-hinfeckted
brayne? Oi sees thee yet, in form moste goodly
To fit me mouf an hook.
Second Pirate:
If ye can look
hinto thee seedes ov tyme, an say forsooth
witch banana will grow, an witch will knotte,
Speake.
Third Pirate:
Out! Out! Damned fryed peenut butter an
banana sam witches wiv fish head stoo!
* enter MacBrenda *
First Pirate:
By thee pricking ov me hook,
Sumfink orful this waye looks.
Be this a cutlass witch oi sees 'fore me,
Thee handle tward me hook? Come, oi'll clutch thee;
Oi 'as thee knotte, an yette oi sees thee stille.
Art thou, moste fatal cutlass, nuffink but
A dagger ov thee mind, a false cr'ashun,
Sproutin frum thee banana-hinfeckted
brayne? Oi sees thee yet, in form moste goodly
To fit me mouf an hook.
Second Pirate:
If ye can look
hinto thee seedes ov tyme, an say forsooth
witch banana will grow, an witch will knotte,
Speake.
Third Pirate:
Out! Out! Damned fryed peenut butter an
banana sam witches wiv fish head stoo!
* enter MacBrenda *
First Pirate:
By thee pricking ov me hook,
Sumfink orful this waye looks.
I will honor Monkey in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
~Charles "Darwin" Dickens
~Charles "Darwin" Dickens
- black bart
- Resident Weevil
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Re: MacBrenda
MacBrenda: So foul and fair a sandwich I nivver saw...never moind gis it ere I be starvin.
Planko: What are these
So wither'd and so wild in their attire,
That look not like the inhabitants o' the earth,
And yet are on't? Live you? or are you aught
That man may question? You seem to understand me,
By each at once her chappy finger laying
Upon her skinny lips: you should be women,
And yet your beards forbid me to interpret
That you are so.
First Pirate: We be Pyrates ye daft git...compare me to a wench agin an I'll slit yer gizzard.
Second Pirate: All hail MacBrenda, hail to thee Giant wench o Portsmouth
Third Pirate: All hail MacBrenda, any chance of a snog me dear
(note to Dave L: there aint a Fourth Pirate!)
Planko: What are these
So wither'd and so wild in their attire,
That look not like the inhabitants o' the earth,
And yet are on't? Live you? or are you aught
That man may question? You seem to understand me,
By each at once her chappy finger laying
Upon her skinny lips: you should be women,
And yet your beards forbid me to interpret
That you are so.
First Pirate: We be Pyrates ye daft git...compare me to a wench agin an I'll slit yer gizzard.
Second Pirate: All hail MacBrenda, hail to thee Giant wench o Portsmouth
Third Pirate: All hail MacBrenda, any chance of a snog me dear
(note to Dave L: there aint a Fourth Pirate!)
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
- pieces o'nine
- Look Upon Her Works, Ye Migyt, and Despair!
- Posts: 8074
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Re: MacBrenda
A Manatee:
See, see, our honour'd hostess!
The love that follows us sometime is our trouble,
Which still we thank as love. Herein I teach you
How you shall be rewarded for your pains,
And thank us for your service.
See, see, our honour'd hostess!
The love that follows us sometime is our trouble,
Which still we thank as love. Herein I teach you
How you shall be rewarded for your pains,
And thank us for your service.
I will honor Monkey in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
~Charles "Darwin" Dickens
~Charles "Darwin" Dickens
Re: MacBrenda
black bart wrote:(note to Dave L: there aint a Fourth Pirate!)
Note to Bart: YArrrr. Too late now ye blaggard! Oi suggests he be part of some excitin' plot twist.
Loosely Canonising and keeping it free for all Pastafarians
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- Detective TurtleHolmes
- Clouseau's Protege
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Re: MacBrenda
Fourth Pirate: Oooh, I verily doth feel an existential crisis!
Third Pirate: Then piss orf ye stinkin' melonheid!
Third Pirate: Then piss orf ye stinkin' melonheid!
A flap of the wings yesterday means big changes tomorrow.
Let's work together to keep the present inevitable.
So yeah, I went and got a blog.
Let's work together to keep the present inevitable.
So yeah, I went and got a blog.
- pieces o'nine
- Look Upon Her Works, Ye Migyt, and Despair!
- Posts: 8074
- Joined: Fri Dec 21, 2007 9:21 am
- Location: Ocean o'Sand
- Contact:
Re: MacBrenda
DaveL wrote:black bart wrote:(note to Dave L: there aint a Fourth Pirate!)
Note to Bart: YArrrr. Too late now ye blaggard! Oi suggests he be part of some excitin' plot twist.
A Manatee:
Ex-kyoose *me* but oi finks as thee hex sightin plot twist wiv thee Forth pirate be hinted at alreddy, loike.
I will honor Monkey in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
~Charles "Darwin" Dickens
~Charles "Darwin" Dickens
- black bart
- Resident Weevil
- Posts: 24540
- Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:56 am
- Location: London
Re: MacBrenda
Fourth Pirate (
) Now is der winta of me discontent made glorious summer by dis son o York...
Sorry, wrong play!

Sorry, wrong play!
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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