Just a rough outline of what the film will be about.
I'll kick off with:
Attack of the Giant Killer Sea Snails
Those quiet-looking tropical snails with their beautifully-patterned shells are actually predatory killers whose extraordinarily-toxic venom is under study for use in medical or even military applications.
Small Australian town has been dumping Castlemain XXXX into the sea for years (best place for it). Encouraged by a mysterious business man from Canberra (who is actually a government agent acting for the Australian Military).
We don't give a XXXX about the environment says the town mayor played by Crocodile Dundee actor and comedian Paul Hogan (he needs the work these days...Crocodile Dundee 3 was a bit of a flop).
British tourist tries to start a Barbie on the beach and hears a slithering noise...screams, blood, horror. No body but a trail of slime leading to a cave and a huge pile of bones.
Sea Snails have mutated into Giant harpoon firing Monsters.
Mayor tries to keep the beeches open, loads of tourists and nasty politicians get slimed and eaten.
Quotes: Crikey! Not even salt will stop the bastards!
It's a blockbuster...with snails.