Plot ideas for Films

[black bart]

Here's the chance to come up with a Plot idea for a Film and sell it to the Media Industry for a fortune.

Just a rough outline of what the film will be about.

I'll kick off with:

Attack of the Giant Killer Sea Snails

Those quiet-looking tropical snails with their beautifully-patterned shells are actually predatory killers whose extraordinarily-toxic venom is under study for use in medical or even military applications.

Small Australian town has been dumping Castlemain XXXX into the sea for years (best place for it). Encouraged by a mysterious business man from Canberra (who is actually a government agent acting for the Australian Military).

We don't give a XXXX about the environment says the town mayor played by Crocodile Dundee actor and comedian Paul Hogan (he needs the work these days...Crocodile Dundee 3 was a bit of a flop).

British tourist tries to start a Barbie on the beach and hears a slithering noise...screams, blood, horror. No body but a trail of slime leading to a cave and a huge pile of bones.

Sea Snails have mutated into Giant harpoon firing Monsters.

Mayor tries to keep the beeches open, loads of tourists and nasty politicians get slimed and eaten.

Quotes: Crikey! Not even salt will stop the bastards!

It's a blockbuster...with snails.

[daftbeaker]

Quotes: Crikey! Not even salt will stop the bastards!

Osmosis be a wonderful thing but it don't work on shells Barty.

How about I ignore everything we know about police procedure, world government, science, religion and work it all into one giant conspiracy theory with no hint of sense or logic. I'd need a pseudonym to get that shite accepted. How does 'Dan Brown' sound?

[black bart]

Quotes: Crikey! Not even salt will stop the bastards!

Osmosis be a wonderful thing but it don't work on shells Barty.

How about I ignore everything we know about police procedure, world government, science, religion and work it all into one giant conspiracy theory with no hint of sense or logic. I'd need a pseudonym to get that shite accepted. How does 'Dan Brown' sound?

That just goes to show how easy it is...I'd change the brown bit though, people could associate it with a certain substance.

I like you Daftbeaker but I cannot hide my disappointment that you weren't MGM or George Lucas...Giant Snails...come on it's Slimetastic!

[daftbeaker]

Well, given how Lucas and Spielberg butchered Indiana Jones you might have more luck approaching them about a fourth sequel. I can imagine the meeting now:
Bart - "Well, how about this. We continue abandoning all pretence at maintaining a unifying theme and central progession of the story, we'll have Indiana Jones searching for the Sapphire Pearl. Unfortunately, it turns out that when he takes the SP it awakens thousands of huge evil snails from before the dawn of time who rise to the surface from their underground cities where they have lain sleeping for aeons. They proceed to lay waste to a lot of important monuments very slowly. Ultimately, we're saved by constructing an enormous blackbird that can bash the snails against rocks, breaking their shells and leaving them vulnerable to massive amounts of salt, delivered by helicopters? The helicopter bit can be guest-directed by Michael Bay to give him another opportunity to have an enormous ego-wank over the US military. Whaddya think?"
Lucas and Spielberg - "Wurble wurble sclup, my old man's a dustbin, whoops Mr Jelly here comes the artichoke etc."

[black bart]

Well, given how Lucas and Spielberg butchered Indiana Jones you might have more luck approaching them about a fourth sequel. I can imagine the meeting now:
Bart - "Well, how about this. We continue abandoning all pretence at maintaining a unifying theme and central progession of the story, we'll have Indiana Jones searching for the Sapphire Pearl. Unfortunately, it turns out that when he takes the SP it awakens thousands of huge evil snails from before the dawn of time who rise to the surface from their underground cities where they have lain sleeping for aeons. They proceed to lay waste to a lot of important monuments very slowly. Ultimately, we're saved by constructing an enormous blackbird that can bash the snails against rocks, breaking their shells and leaving them vulnerable to massive amounts of salt, delivered by helicopters? The helicopter bit can be guest-directed by Michael Bay to give him another opportunity to have an enormous ego-wank over the US military. Whaddya think?"
Lucas and Spielberg - "Wurble wurble sclup, my old man's a dustbin, whoops Mr Jelly here comes the artichoke etc."

You're on to something there. I don't mind lots of helicopters as long as can we get Kate Beckinsale in the film somehow?

[daftbeaker]

You're on to something there. I don't mind lots of helicopters as long as can we get Kate Beckinsale in the film somehow?

You can have Kate Beckinsale as long as Olivia Wilde gets her kit off at some point :FSM_drool:

That's a thought, can we have a completely unnecessary scene where House is asked how he'd sort the problem? Hugh Laurie will make any film better

[black bart]

You're on to something there. I don't mind lots of helicopters as long as can we get Kate Beckinsale in the film somehow?

You can have Kate Beckinsale as long as Olivia Wilde gets her kit off at some point :FSM_drool:

That's a thought, can we have a completely unnecessary scene where House is asked how he'd sort the problem? Hugh Laurie will make any film better

Hugh Laurie could either be a hapless British Tourist or as you suggest a Scientist with special knowledge of snail behaviour.

[fueledbycoffee]

I would post ideas, but you'd just steal them.

[black bart]

I would post ideas, but you'd just steal them.

Steal your ideas...perish the thought!

Just sign this generous contract on the dotted line...............

All rights and benefits of any ideas posted on this thread are the property of Bart Industries Ltd.

Looks like I'm going to have to go with the Snail Project.

[Tigger_the_Wing]

[PKMKII]

A retarded boy is being held prisoner in Nazi Germany as part of their "purification" plans, but the prison guard (played by Daniel-Day Lewis) takes a liking to the boy. The boy's mother is a poor, black woman from Louisiana, who is played by Meryl Streep.

I smell Oscar sweep!

[Roy Hunter]

You forgot Tom Hanks as the boy's surrogate big brother / father figure, and Tom Cruise as the slightly creepy 'transformational management'-style camp commandant.

And Halle Berry plays a cameo so she can go and collect the Oscar and make a speech...

[PKMKII]

Hanks, yes, Cruise, no. He's got the incurable taint of scientology crazy now.

Sure, Halle Berry can show up for a scene or two and collect best supporting (isn't that what Penelope Cruz did on Vicky Christina Barcelona?).

[daftbeaker]

And Halle Berry plays a cameo so she can go and collect the Oscar and make a speech...

As long as it's not the insufferable Kate Winslet that's fine. I stand by my recommendation of having Olivia Wilde (13 from House) being the lead eye candy in any film.

[Tigger_the_Wing]

And Halle Berry plays a cameo so she can go and collect the Oscar and make a speech...

As long as it's not the insufferable Kate Winslet that's fine. I stand by my recommendation of having Olivia Wilde (13 from House) being the lead eye candy in any film.

Lead eye candy? As in Pb? Is that anything like glass-eye candy?