The Scottish Diet

Foods to make in praise of our Blessed FSM, pasta based and otherwise.

Moderator: All Things Mods

User avatar
PKMKII
Senior New York Correspondent
Posts: 9629
Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2009 6:13 pm
Location: Where the Sun don't shine

The Scottish Diet

Postby PKMKII » Thu Sep 03, 2009 11:12 am

The Scottish Diet is an ingenious nutritional system invented by the Scots to keep their pension funds in balance by reducing the number of people who make it beyond the age of 60. Like many of the world's smartest inventions (most of them invented by the Scots), it is devilishly simple. It increases the premature death rate through a well-balanced diet:

The Scottish Diet
Any and all thing you can eat
But this proportion always heed:
-A third from fat
-A third from sugar
-A third from alcohol
-From time to time, you can eat a small amount of fruits, in the form of jams or preserves, or even better, distilled.

Examples of the Scottish Diet include Deep-Fried Cheesburgers
Image

And Deep-Fried Pizza
"How is it that hardly any major religion has looked at science and concluded, 'This is better than we thought! The Universe is much bigger than our prophets said, grander, more subtle, more elegant. God must be even greater than we dreamed'? Instead they say, 'No, no, no! My god is a little god, and I want him to stay that way.'" - Carl Sagan

"To doubt everything or to believe everything are two equally convenient solutions; both dispense with the necessity of reflection." - Henri Poincaré

User avatar
Cardinal Fang
Humble Hermit
Posts: 1504
Joined: Sat Apr 07, 2007 7:46 pm
Location: A dungeon on Viltvodle VI

Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby Cardinal Fang » Thu Sep 03, 2009 11:38 am

Don't forget that other contribution to haute cuisine: the deep fried mars bar

Image

CF
Image
Cardinal Fang's Python Site
http://www.cardinalfang.net


My contact e-mail address is FAKE.
To contact me, my email is "latinum" at "hotmail" dot "com".

User avatar
TwistedSister
Desperate, twisted cookie pusher
Posts: 8549
Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2009 12:27 pm
Location: N.E PA

Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby TwistedSister » Thu Sep 03, 2009 11:59 am

I can't wait to see what Roy has to add to this.
* If evolution is just a theory, religion is just an opinion.
* You never know when I'll be watching.

User avatar
daftbeaker
Help! I've fallen and can't get curry.
Posts: 9917
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 2:11 pm
Location: Here

Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby daftbeaker » Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:01 pm

From Have I Got News For You a couple of weeks ago (was a repeat):
"VAT has been reduced on sausages, bacon and biscuits; or as they're known in Scotland, health foods".

And from Mock the Week: "It's like the menu in a Scottish restaurant, there isn't much on it and what there is you don't want".

Having said all that, you do have to be trying to find those revolting things. Some of the nicest pies I've had have been from Scotland.
Too old to give up but too young to rest - Pete Townshend

I would rather be a rising ape than a falling angel - Sir Terry Pratchett

User avatar
ET, the Extra Terrestrial
Privvy Counselor
Posts: 7078
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:01 am
Location: In the woods, watching

Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby ET, the Extra Terrestrial » Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:23 pm

It's hard for me to disparage the Scottish diet with any enthusiasm. After all, one of the featured items is Scotch. :drinking:

Probably helps them get past all that other stuff... :drunk:
"Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens."
("Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain.")
-- Friedrich Schiller (1759–1805)
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
-- Philip K Dick

What happens when all the renewable energy runs out?
-- Victoria Ayling

English isn't much of a language for swearing. When I studied Ancient Greek I was delighted to discover a single word - Rhaphanidosthai - which translates roughly as "Be thou thrust up the fundament with a radish for adultery."

User avatar
daftbeaker
Help! I've fallen and can't get curry.
Posts: 9917
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 2:11 pm
Location: Here

Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby daftbeaker » Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:49 pm

ET, the Extra Terrestrial wrote:It's hard for me to disparage the Scottish diet with any enthusiasm. After all, one of the featured items is Scotch. :drinking:

Probably helps them get past all that other stuff... :drunk:

Do you perhaps mean whisky?

Never understood why people refer to whisky as Scotch, that's a type of egg :idiot:

A very Scottish idea, now I think about it. Egg, covered in sausagemeat, covered in breadcrumbs and deep-fried.
Too old to give up but too young to rest - Pete Townshend

I would rather be a rising ape than a falling angel - Sir Terry Pratchett

User avatar
ET, the Extra Terrestrial
Privvy Counselor
Posts: 7078
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:01 am
Location: In the woods, watching

Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby ET, the Extra Terrestrial » Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:28 pm

Sorry, it's an Americanism. Short for "Scotch Whiskey". Yummy stuff, whatever you call it.
"Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens."
("Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain.")
-- Friedrich Schiller (1759–1805)
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
-- Philip K Dick

What happens when all the renewable energy runs out?
-- Victoria Ayling

English isn't much of a language for swearing. When I studied Ancient Greek I was delighted to discover a single word - Rhaphanidosthai - which translates roughly as "Be thou thrust up the fundament with a radish for adultery."

User avatar
Tigger_the_Wing
She Who Gets It
Posts: 3344
Joined: Wed Dec 17, 2008 7:44 pm
Location: Ex-Pyrate of the Canberrean, now bobbing about in Cork
Contact:

Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby Tigger_the_Wing » Fri Sep 04, 2009 12:58 am

I love black pudding. I am nearly as fond of white pudding, although either are just about impossible to source down here. We would have a slice or two of each, grilled, as part of our weekly cooked Sunday brunch back home with all the family.

But whole, battered and deep-fried? I had some just that way in Scotland oh, must be nearly thirty years ago. With thick, soggy chips. I think my cholesterol levels are almost back to normal…

User avatar
ET, the Extra Terrestrial
Privvy Counselor
Posts: 7078
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:01 am
Location: In the woods, watching

Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby ET, the Extra Terrestrial » Mon Sep 07, 2009 7:37 pm

Roy Hunter wrote:My Mum bought a raffle ticket and won... a bottle of whisky! At an event to promote public health. In a city with one of the worst drink-related health records in Europe.

Hmm. I think I can see the vague outlines of a connection forming through the fog...
"Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens."
("Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain.")
-- Friedrich Schiller (1759–1805)
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
-- Philip K Dick

What happens when all the renewable energy runs out?
-- Victoria Ayling

English isn't much of a language for swearing. When I studied Ancient Greek I was delighted to discover a single word - Rhaphanidosthai - which translates roughly as "Be thou thrust up the fundament with a radish for adultery."

User avatar
KC Observer
Mod
Posts: 749
Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2005 5:36 pm
Location: The Vatican of the Pastifarian Church

Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby KC Observer » Tue Sep 22, 2009 7:58 am

My Mum bought a raffle ticket and won... a bottle of whisky! At an event to promote public health. In a city with one of the worst drink-related health records in Europe.


I certainly can see the medicinal benefits of a fine single malt. After all, it is designed to served in a fine Scottish cut crystal snifter where the virtues of the content's "nose" can be appreciated and it is supposed to be consumed slowly to be fully appreciated. One is not supposed to quaff Scotch whiskey; one is supposed to sip slowly and appreciate the subtlties of the elixir. One glass a night is good for the heart!
The Pope

User avatar
KC Observer
Mod
Posts: 749
Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2005 5:36 pm
Location: The Vatican of the Pastifarian Church

Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby KC Observer » Thu Oct 29, 2009 12:11 pm

ARRRRGGGGH Matey, if you be swillin' haggis you be needin 'alf a bottle!
The Pope

User avatar
PKMKII
Senior New York Correspondent
Posts: 9629
Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2009 6:13 pm
Location: Where the Sun don't shine

Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby PKMKII » Sat Jan 23, 2010 3:11 pm

From the great culinary minds of Scotland, comes this tribute to cardiac arrest: The Glasgow Scooby Snack:
Image
This bad boy consists of:
Fried egg, flat sausage, bacon, cheese, potato scone, and a burger patty are crammed into a floury roll then slashed with cheap, sweet ketchup the color and consistency of fake blood.
"How is it that hardly any major religion has looked at science and concluded, 'This is better than we thought! The Universe is much bigger than our prophets said, grander, more subtle, more elegant. God must be even greater than we dreamed'? Instead they say, 'No, no, no! My god is a little god, and I want him to stay that way.'" - Carl Sagan

"To doubt everything or to believe everything are two equally convenient solutions; both dispense with the necessity of reflection." - Henri Poincaré

User avatar
PKMKII
Senior New York Correspondent
Posts: 9629
Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2009 6:13 pm
Location: Where the Sun don't shine

Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby PKMKII » Mon Jan 25, 2010 1:52 pm

In Scottish Diet news: the U.S. has lifted a 21 year ban on Haggis!
"How is it that hardly any major religion has looked at science and concluded, 'This is better than we thought! The Universe is much bigger than our prophets said, grander, more subtle, more elegant. God must be even greater than we dreamed'? Instead they say, 'No, no, no! My god is a little god, and I want him to stay that way.'" - Carl Sagan

"To doubt everything or to believe everything are two equally convenient solutions; both dispense with the necessity of reflection." - Henri Poincaré

User avatar
TwistedSister
Desperate, twisted cookie pusher
Posts: 8549
Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2009 12:27 pm
Location: N.E PA

Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby TwistedSister » Mon Jan 25, 2010 2:33 pm

Oh Goody! Now Roy can visit!
* If evolution is just a theory, religion is just an opinion.
* You never know when I'll be watching.

User avatar
farfalla
Feline Fatale
Posts: 9432
Joined: Fri Apr 20, 2007 1:13 am
Location: by the waterfall

Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby farfalla » Tue Jan 26, 2010 10:26 am

hungry - where are white and black pudding when you need them?

in Callander...last I had them
~~~~~~/\~~~~~~

The heart has its reason, of which reason knows nothing. -Pascal - thanks, Z

"The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can't do."
Cpt Jack Sparrow

"I'm used to going out at 3 in the morning and doing something stupid."
Alan Moore

Silk 'n mind


Return to “Food”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests