A Work In Progress
I'm still deciding whether or not I'm going to be able to pull off a suitable 'make everything right' ending, because this book is intended to go DEEP into the very core of things and make the reader question everything they think is true. So yeah... might wind up being in Apocrypha.
I have a bunch of crazy stuff planned for this story!!
Chapter I - Blind Men and Interruptions
1 In the time before the internet, but not before the invention of chocolate,
2 (For there would be no book of chocolate in a time period where chocolate did not exist or was not just about to be invented)
3 There lived a great spiritual leader among the Pastafari known as No-Eyed Jim.
4 He was well-loved by the people for his wisdom, which he had plenty of time to gather as a blind man paid on disability, and didn't have to work.
5 And he was indeed very wise, especially for someone who had managed to lose not just one, but BOTH of his eyes.
6 He was strong-willed, well-disciplined, and a very powerful speaker, and it came to be that his word was treated as authoritative in all walks of life.
7 Under Jim's wise words of guidance, the Pastafarian people thrived.
8 They reaped of the most delectable pasta-making grains that the land could offer.
9 They drank of the best-brewed draughts in the land.
10 The most beautimous strippers traveled from all over the world to perform for the budding young pirate men of the faith who, according to ancient myth and local gossip, were quite well endowed.
11 And though the Pastafari worked hard for all they had, they played even harder.
12 In those days, it was a terrible tragedy indeed to miss a Pastiesta, or a Bar Pastah,
13 For in those days a good party was never great until the Pastafarians arrived!
14 One night, the followers of the Great Noodley One gather about the water-boiling fire after a particularly wonderful day of celebration to hear the words of No-Eyed Jim.
15 Though the time for his story telling neared, No-Eyed Jim was nowhere to be found.
16 This did not upset the people, for they knew that he preffered to make a dramatic entrance
17 As boisterous laughter and shantying died down and gave way to the still silence of the night, the Pastafari waited with bated breath and keened senses for his entrance.
18 The dramatic tension of the crowd slowly began to edge into nervous panic.
19 Just as everyone began to wonder if a search party was in order, the fire before them suddenly flared high and bright, startling many a newcomer and burning more than a few unwisely positioned buttocks.
20 As watchers' eyes adjusted to the brightness of the fire, a dark figure could be seen on the other side of the flames.
21 And just as suddenly as it had flared, the fire died down to a soft glow of embers.
22 The soft glow lightly illuminated the deeply scarred face of the mysterious figure, allowing for it to be recognized by the crowd.
23 Of course, it was No-Eyed Jim.
24 He stood tall and proud, in rich gold and burgundy regalia.
25 He sported a custom double eyepatch over his unseen and unseeing eyes, but he seemed to look straight into the souls of the crowdmembers as they gazed upon him.
26 "Welcome, all ye faithful," He spoke.
27 Though his voice was barely above a whisper, his words were heard by all.
28 Excepting a few low groans from the fools struggling to sit on their sore butts, the crowd was silent in hungry anticipation of the night's speech.
29 "Today, we took time to thank the lord for all that he hath given us and sang praises unto his name.
30 We have feasted much upon the holy food, and drunk a fair share--more, for some of us" he said, pausing to give a pointed glance into the crowd.
31 Several of the more tipsy members giggled.
32 "But from whence cometh these gifts to mankind?
33 What hath man done in his short time to deserve such blessings?
34 Tonight, I have chosen to tell you the story of how Man came to be given the greatest blessing of all: Pasta.
35 And such a blessing it is...
36 Pasta is the sustainer of life, the pleaser of taste buds, the uplifter of souls.
37 The food that surpasses all others--"
38 "EVEN CHOCOLATE?" someone shouted shrilly.
39 All eyes turned with shock to the back row to search for the source of the unexpected interruption.
40 And lo, they found that it was a young pirate wench in the back row.
41 And her name was Clarity.
I want your input. Seriously, I do. No matter how big or small your contribution--anything from typos to going at it with a big red pen and practically telling me to rewrite it as a science-fiction novel. We writers live for literary criticism