Hell?

Submit your scriptural writings for inclusion in the Loose Canon, and your tales of ancient FSM Lore, as well as any other FSM-related writing you may have.

Moderator: All Things Mods

Post Reply
kenny_the_disciple
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Dec 14, 2005 5:02 pm

Hell?

Postby kenny_the_disciple » Wed Dec 14, 2005 5:08 pm

As we all know when one's soul leaves the body they go to Heaven where an endless Beer Volcano erupts and stripper factories as far as the eye can see. But what of those who have not followed FSM truly and have disobeyed thy noodly master. Sooooooo? Is there a devil or form of hell? Hmmmm? I pledge my soul to thee :worship:
The Gospel According to Ken
"And thus his noodly appendage reached from the heavens and from it sprung the mountain, trees, and a midgit. And let it be known that spelling of midgit his how his lord and master created it. And for a time it was good..."
Top
User avatar
Alpaca
Go-To Guy
Posts: 3038
Joined: Sun Dec 04, 2005 10:44 pm

Postby Alpaca » Wed Dec 14, 2005 5:16 pm

I think the FSM can't be bothered by those who don't follow him. He just sort of ignores them, and they get to just languish. It's not their fault they lack the acuity to believe.
Top
User avatar
Antipaladin
Fusilli Fuselier
Posts: 167
Joined: Wed Dec 07, 2005 7:56 pm
Location: Between apoplectic and apathetic

Postby Antipaladin » Wed Dec 14, 2005 11:29 pm

I think another thread determined that the devil took mortal form in the body of Dr. Atkins. Those who stray from the noodle shall lose weight, in the form of thier soul.
He's dastardly. He loves catastrophy. His schemes are masterly. Sixteen and half-past-three.
Top
User avatar
miketheguitarist
Ziti Zealot
Posts: 17
Joined: Wed Dec 14, 2005 8:55 pm
Location: Edmonton, AB
Contact:
Contact miketheguitarist

Postby miketheguitarist » Thu Dec 15, 2005 12:53 am

I would like to think that His Noodliness is too good of a creature to punish those who do not follow him.

I think he'd just let them be, and not send them to a horrid place to live out the rest of eternity, like some OTHER gods do... lol.
Top
Sir Francis Drake
Monkaroni
Posts: 993
Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 7:09 pm
Location: FSM's own Honorable Order of Toadfish Monastery

Postby Sir Francis Drake » Thu Dec 15, 2005 1:56 pm

Yea, for He is wise. Plus, wouldn't it be Hell enough to be stuck here knowing that somewhere out of reach there's a Beer Volcano and a Holy Orgy of sorts? That'd just kill me.
Taste the truth, savor the satire, pass the pasta!

Dona Nobis Pasta

-Opsanus tau
Top
User avatar
The Meromorph
Sweet Moderation
Posts: 1216
Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2005 4:12 pm
Location: Sailing away to Vindravan, eating my tears with laughter.

Postby The Meromorph » Thu Dec 15, 2005 5:53 pm

It's quite simple, you get to go to the same heaven with the beer volcano and the stripper factory. You just start out farther away from the aforementioned delights, and you have to walk a little to get to them, and work up a nice thirst.... :)

Isn't the FSM nice...?
Laughing in the rain.
Dancing in the desert sand,
Somersaults through life.
Top
User avatar
miketheguitarist
Ziti Zealot
Posts: 17
Joined: Wed Dec 14, 2005 8:55 pm
Location: Edmonton, AB
Contact:
Contact miketheguitarist

Postby miketheguitarist » Thu Dec 15, 2005 6:31 pm

^He is indeed. FSM is the most enlightened of Omnipotent beings.
Top
User avatar
fusiontortellini
Agnolini Admiral
Posts: 882
Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2005 7:16 pm
Location: Boston, MA

Postby fusiontortellini » Sun Dec 18, 2005 8:12 pm

I don't think we know what FSM does with people who insist on being punished, though. I'm sure there are a lot of people who would be extremely disappointed not to burn forever. I don't understand them, but there's a lot I don't understand about people. :roll:
Who really might actually be back this time . . .

May the Fiori be with you. And may It have Meatballs.
Top
User avatar
Dr. Otis Lansa
Mystic of Meatball
Posts: 2426
Joined: Fri Sep 16, 2005 12:30 pm
Location: Canuckistan

Postby Dr. Otis Lansa » Sun Dec 18, 2005 8:19 pm

fusiontortellini wrote:I don't think we know what FSM does with people who insist on being punished, though. I'm sure there are a lot of people who would be extremely disappointed not to burn forever. I don't understand them, but there's a lot I don't understand about people. :roll:


If someone really needs punishment, THEY get to wash dishes in the Bottomless Dish Pit.. it's hot and dark and your undies are always soaked in dishwater. I'll make sure to burn the hell out of a few pans a night just to keep them scrubbing extra hard. We'll still send 'em down a pint at the end of the shift though.
Image
Top
User avatar
Qwertyuiopasd
Admirable Admiral Qwerty
Posts: 12884
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2005 5:38 pm
Location: Wouldn't you like to know
Contact:
Contact Qwertyuiopasd

Postby Qwertyuiopasd » Sun Dec 18, 2005 9:07 pm

as for what Mermo was saying, some people are so far away they have to ride a freakin' BUS to get there.

of course, for the REALLY conservative and anti-FSM people, who say "you mock god!" and "fsm cannot exist! because god does!", heh, well THEY get heaven. just like us (with slightly less beer).

can't you just imagine the looks on their face when they realize they were wrong THE ENTIRE TIME? I'll be sure to have my camera ready when those guys die!
daftbeaker wrote:But if I stop bugging you I'll have to go back to arguing with Qwerty about whether beauty is truth and precisely what we both mean by 'purple' :moon:


Any statistical increase in the usage of the :idiot: emoticon since becoming Admin should not be considered significant, meaningful, or otherwise cause for worry.
Top
User avatar
Alpaca
Go-To Guy
Posts: 3038
Joined: Sun Dec 04, 2005 10:44 pm

Postby Alpaca » Sun Dec 18, 2005 9:40 pm

And the funny thing will be that they're in heaven for eternity! Haha! They have an eternity to mourn how wrong they were!
Top
User avatar
Dr. Otis Lansa
Mystic of Meatball
Posts: 2426
Joined: Fri Sep 16, 2005 12:30 pm
Location: Canuckistan

Postby Dr. Otis Lansa » Sun Dec 18, 2005 9:46 pm

A couple of beers and a show or two at the stripper factory, and I think most of them will come around. Some will make very fierce pirates, methinks....
Image
Top
User avatar
Alpaca
Go-To Guy
Posts: 3038
Joined: Sun Dec 04, 2005 10:44 pm

Postby Alpaca » Sun Dec 18, 2005 9:49 pm

Still, in heaven, missionary pirates aren't as useful as on Earth, though they rock harder, because they're heavenly, and they're PIRATES!

Now, what do we do about those who'd think the stripper factory was sinful? While they're in heaven?
Top
User avatar
Dr. Otis Lansa
Mystic of Meatball
Posts: 2426
Joined: Fri Sep 16, 2005 12:30 pm
Location: Canuckistan

Postby Dr. Otis Lansa » Sun Dec 18, 2005 9:57 pm

The stripper factory creates what they desire, so their strippers will probably have clothes, until they loosen up a bit. Remember, much of their morality and perception of sin is based on trying to follow the rules for getting into Heaven... once they're there, it'll be a little easier for them to adopt the Flimsy Moral Standards.
Image
Top
onlinebiker
Ziti Zealot
Posts: 23
Joined: Sun Apr 09, 2006 9:27 pm
Location: SW Michigan

Postby onlinebiker » Mon Apr 10, 2006 10:51 am

After consuming much Guinness Stout one night, I had a vison revealed to me by his Noodlyness....

FSM Hell is EXACTLY like FSM Heaven --- except the beer volcano only issues forth stale keg beer, and the stripper factory only issues out a likeness of Janet Reno....

It's too horrible to contemplate..........


...

Biker
>fine print>>>> the management takes no responsibility for the content or conduct of the above posts.... They should not be construed as legal advice, and should not be used as such. Contact your lawyer, and consult with them before taking any advice given on this board......Objects in this mirror, are stranger than they seem...void where prohibited by law... batteries not included... some assembly required....your mileage may vary...
Top
Post Reply

Return to “Scripture and Lore”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests