Whinging Pensioner Pirate Rant

[black bart]

Oi remembers wen the 4:10 to 'ounslow west stopped at 'ounslow west!

Arrrgh be ye referin to thee noolly renamed "Peoples Republik of Ounslow"?

This renamin lark has got to stop or I'll burn me Handsome Cab Pass...

They has renamed "Staines" as "Staines on Thames!" If I was worried about Staines I'd never wear underpants again!

[anthrobabe]

Ahoy there ye lot of scurvey dull swords!

Come an gives me a kiss

[DaveL]

YArrrrr...

It be Saucy Gert! Everyone must be in Portsmouth for the Pir-lympics!

[black bart]

I remembers sauciness...I think it was brown or somat.

[The Black Spot]

Aye, an I remembers pickallillallee. We used t' dip the rats in it t' kill the taste.

[black bart]

Aye an thee Mango Chutney was never made out o Mangos cos we never had no Mangos...but it made thee Weevil Bhajis taste better.

[The Black Spot]

Aye, an I remembers when we 'ad Weevil Bhajis, only we didn't 'ave no bhajis.

[DaveL]

YArrrrr...

Oi remembers the Great Weevil Famine of 1684. When there was neither weevil nor bhaji to enjoy. Some bugger made an absolute fortune passin' off maggots as weevils at exorbitant rates. When the Weevil hinspectors caught up with him, he'd already fled to some tax free haven in the Tortugas. Oi hear he be stealin' people's fish head stew recipes and makin a fortune.

[pieces o'nine]

Arrrgh, oi rememmers wen ye could get fish head stoo made wiv real fish heads, not this orful canned mistery stuff wiv thee hocashunal sardine parrrghts floatin in hit.

[black bart]

Aaargh...I remembers when Peg Legs wuz made o real wood...

Me latest one be 'rekonstitooted Nef Yoo rusk' an I keep wakin up wiv Bilge rats nibblin on it...they die pretty quickly but it be a roight noosance.

[DavidH]

I remembers when you used to have three men haulin on thee fladgit-line to glob up the main topps'l truss-boggle.

[black bart]

Indeed and in the event of a disaster at sea you could always indulge in a spot of bottomry.

[The Black Spot]

I remembers disasters. Big, proper disasters we 'ad when I were a lad. Nowadays peoples get upset when a volcano blows up a town or two. Don't know they're born these days.

[black bart]

I remembers when the Englishe Plank Walking team won thee World Plank Walking Cup under Captain Nobby Peg Leg Styles and First mate Bobby 'I want Moore" Fishe Head Stoo.

[pieces o'nine]

Arrrgh, if only us 'ad thee loikes o'teams ov yore! Nowadays, ye can 'ardly get respectacle partissipashun in thee pyrlimpics, arfter thee innishul loud boastin' in thee pubbes.