Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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DaveL
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby DaveL » Thu Jul 19, 2012 7:13 am

YArrr...

He obviously has a very big........nose!
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby black bart » Fri Jul 20, 2012 8:19 am

Donkey Debacle in Portsmouth Thoroughfare Blamed on Wobbly Wench Magazine delivery.

Image

The driver of the vehicle, who was unharmed during the incident, explained that the entire delivery was addressed to a Mr K O'Shuffle of Staines Upon Thames Road. The donkey was well hung.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby Griffin » Sat Jul 21, 2012 11:38 pm

Due to a bit of a mix-up today The Olympic Relay Torch be passssin' thru'

Richmond, Sheffield [City/Town/Village]
Richmond, Richmond uponThames [City/Town/Village]
Richmond, North Yorkshire [City/Town/Village]
Richmond, Aberdeenshire
Richmond, North Yorkshire [Town]
Richmond Castle, North Yorkshire [Place of Interest]
Richmond Fm, Suffolk [Farm]
Richmond Fm, West Sussex [Farm]
Richmond Fm, Nottinghamshire [Farm]
Richmond Fm, North Yorkshire [Farm]
Richmond Hall, Cambridgeshire
Richmond Hill, Isle of Man
Richmond Hill, Richmond uponThames
Richmond Hill, Doncaster
Richmond Hill, Oxfordshire
Richmond Hill, North Yorkshire
Richmond Hill, Leeds [City/Town/Village]
Richmond Hill, Northumberland
Richmond Houses, Lancashire
Richmond Lodge, Buckinghamshire
Richmond Out Moor, North Yorkshire
Richmond Park, Greater London [Land Feature]
Richmond Park, Richmond uponThames
Richmond Plains, Cumbria
Richmond Station, Greater London [Station]
Richmond upon Thames, Greater London [London Borough]
Richmond's Green, Essex [City/Town/Village]
Richmond's in the Wood, Essex
Richmonds Fm, Essex [Farm]

Though not necessarily in that order. Roadside crowds may not be able to get to the next venue fast enugh even with shuffle buses.

Olympic organisers blame it on a computer glicht which unfortunately cannot be corrected in time berore the torch sets off.

The Guaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarduan has offered to work out the best routes and publish them as soon as possibble but defo before the last venue. No one yet knows the number of pubs on root.
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby black bart » Tue Aug 07, 2012 10:59 am

Dear Editor,

Wot about Richmond in Virginia?

...and before you say who'd go there...Virginia Wood would!

Coinkeedentallee...Virginia Wood used to live in Richmond Upon Thames!
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby DaveL » Tue Aug 07, 2012 5:40 pm

YArrrr...

We have a few too matey...

Richmond, in NW Sydney
Richmond, Melbourne, the home of the Richmond Tigers AFL Footy Team
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby PKMKII » Wed Aug 08, 2012 12:05 am

It be appeerin' that yankee landlubbers at the Massachussets Bay Colony school of learnin' fer fancy widgets be offerin' classes in the pirate-y arrrghts. Fields be includin' swashbuckling and rasin' o' the sails.
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby black bart » Wed Aug 08, 2012 8:01 am

^Arrrr that be wunnerful matey...

I think we ought to have certificates for our home grown Pirates.

Roland is good at doin certificates.
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby The Black Spot » Wed Aug 08, 2012 10:30 am

black bart wrote:I think we ought to have certificates for our home grown Pirates.

I's always said that ye should be certified.

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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby black bart » Wed Aug 08, 2012 5:22 pm

Where can we get thee "faux parchment"?

Be It like thee pleather wot me Pirate outfit be made from?
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby Ravi Oli » Wed Aug 08, 2012 5:26 pm

The Black Spot wrote:I's always said that ye should be certified.

Arrrggghhh Oi'd wunderd thart meself Spot. :haha:

D'yer meen Pommy-groan or forum-groan baaaartholymew? Oi thinks iffin ye uses thee certifficats fer tankard coasters down the Benbow fer thee evenin will giv 'em thee hoarthentic happeerance ye want.
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard » Sat Aug 25, 2012 12:03 am

um.um


rrrrrrrr
um um i be sellin wadermilin blud behine Anty FIfi howse fer juss tuppinz fer a sip rrrrrrrrr
cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.

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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby Ravi Oli » Sat Aug 25, 2012 5:00 pm

Ye lil' scowndrel... yer drink be cheep... 'tis thee quid ye demands fer nort tellin' thee missus wheres Oi... ermmm... Fifi's paytrons has jest bean 'tis hiway robbery!
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby Roland Deschain » Mon Aug 27, 2012 6:28 pm

I can certify you, BS. Give me some time though. This will need to be my piece de resistance. :haha:
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby pieces o'nine » Mon Aug 27, 2012 9:33 pm

Who arrrgh ye tryin' ter capn kidde, Roland?
Thee scuttlebutt in Portsmouth is that ye've nivver resisted a piece ov nuffink!
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby black bart » Tue Aug 28, 2012 7:24 am

Black Bart returns from Turkish Voyage wiv Sunken Treasure

The Big Brenda sailed back into port after a recent voyage to Turkey clearly sittin heavy in the water. Customs officers an Revenue men immediately had their suspicions aroused as Black Bart came ashore lookin well scrubbed, wearin a new suit an not smellin so much of fishe as yewsyewall.

Search

A search of thee hold revealed nothin but legitimate Pyrate Treasure properly boxed up an stamped wiv thee hofishul stamp: 'Property o Bart Industries, hands orf!' Thee Offishuls all came ashore lookin satisfied an holdin brown parchment henvelopes.

Destrukshun

However thee Hottoman Hempire has launched an hoffishul hinvestigashun into thee disappearance of thee hentire contents of Topkapi Palace after an earthquake was caused by a very large woman having an argument over the size of her Donna Kebab nearby.
Topkapi Before:
Image
and after Big Brenda's Kebab incident:
Image

Sultan Abdul Abulbul Kadir is 93.
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