Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

The place for general discussion about the Flying Spaghetti Monster and most things related to Him.

Moderator: All Things Mods

User avatar
Almighty Doer of Stuff
Brewmeister
Posts: 1732
Joined: Sun Jul 22, 2007 8:13 am
Location: Massachusetts
Contact:

Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby Almighty Doer of Stuff » Wed Aug 21, 2013 8:29 am

:fsm_celebratory_toilet_paper_throwing:
!!!@#@#@#@#@!!! CAUTION: THIS PERSON DOES NOT KNOW WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT. DISREGARD ANY APPEALS TO AUTHORITY, EXPERIENCE, OR ROMANTIC PROWESS. ANY CORRECT INFORMATION YOU RECEIVE FROM THIS MAN IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL. !!!@#@#@#@#@!!!
-------------------------------
The Almighty Website of Stuff, home of my poetry and other artwork and other stuff!

kcallais
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Aug 25, 2013 8:15 pm

Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby kcallais » Sun Aug 25, 2013 9:19 pm

I originally wrote this in word, and it took up a few pages. Couldnt find an acceptable way of attaching the doc, so copy/paste was the next best thing!


Touched by His what? Page 1
Into today's society, the idea of any non christian deity is looked upon with derision. The thought that our world was created by a mass of congealed semolina with meat byproducts for eyes is considered laughable at best. For some reason, the theory that we came into spontaneous existence is highly favored (flavored?). The theory that cosmic space sauce explodicating from nothingness (much like marinara being heated much to high with a lid on) is has gained momentum in the last 50 years. Of course, this is all hear say as the Flying Spaghetti Monster (from here on out abbreviated at FSM) has not given his noodly approval to such whimsical nonsensitude© (I am hereby claiming copyright on the term “nonsensitude”). There is irrefutable proof that FSM is the only way to explain our existence in this huge mess called the Milky Way (what a stupid name...wasn't there any consideration for the lactose intolerant?) Comparisons can easily be drawn (written) from Christianity, parallels (or perpendiculars if you prefer) can be seen in Islam, and completely fabricated consistencies pulled from Hinduism (purely to meet the intent of the author).
Some people say Christ was the original zombie. This is in fact false. How so you may ask...because there was no such thing as zombies back then! Zombies weren't even invented until 1937 when a witchdoctor in Haiti fed bad shellfish to a patient complaining of gout. Seriously? Worse witchdoctor in the history of er, witchdoctorism? Regardless, Christ preached that people should love one another, regardless of your personal feelings towards them (Holy Bible, Book of John, 30AD). This is in direct accordance with the 3rd I Really Rather You Didn't: I'd Really Rather You Didn't Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, And Get This In Your Thick Heads: Woman = Person. Man = Person. Samey = Samey. One Is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We're Talking About Fashion And I'm Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal and Fuchsia. How was it possible that this prehistoric (almost) religious icon could POSSIBLY deliver the same message to the populace as the FSM? The answer is so ridiculously easy, you will fall over when I reveal it to you. Ready?

Touched by His what? Page 2
Christ was an original Pastafarian! Can you believe it? It's a little known fact, but spaghetti was a delicacy enjoyed by all. Well, by most people. Those with gluten allergies couldn't enjoy it. As a matter of fact, those with gluten allergies were considered heathens, and were “stoned to death.” Notice the quotations? They were stoned to death in the biblical sense (lol!). I have absolutely no idea how to tie this in so, uh...moving along. Anyway! It is completely OBVIOUS that Christianity was a precursor to the worship of the FSM.
Islam is another one of those religions that popped up in the early days. By early days, I mean any time before today. Apparently some guy was under a tree, had a dream about something, and then claimed he was a prophet. Now I'm not really sure how much water that theory holds, but I guess a lot of people bought into it, and it is now a religion. If you actually begin to study Islam, you will learn that there are quite a few interesting customs. If you go to the bathroom, you have to face a certain way! Now this was originally an issue, as there was no standard on which way ye olde crapper faced in the olden days, and the engineers of the day had quite the doozy figuring this one out. Eventually some fellow came up with the idea of installing a toilet seat on a rotating platform that could be spun in any required direction. This was all fine and dandy until people began to get dizzy from the spinning and feces would be flung everywhere. It was finally decided that people would assume they were facing the proper direction. I honestly don't even know what direction its supposed to be. I have a muslim friend, but I thought it would be too religiously insensitive to ask. So, this Islam thing basically says if you're a totally sweet cat here on Earth, that you get a ton of virgins in heaven. Hmm...this sounds almost like Pastafarian heaven. Back in the Dark Ages (they called it that because electricity hadn't been conjured yet) virgin was vernacular for stripper. The terms are no longer used interchangeably, but every stripper will undoubtedly claim to be a virgin...ipso facto, virgin meant stripper! Muslims don't drink beer (sadface for them) but if they could, I bet they could drain a beer volcano. See where I am going with this?

Touched by His what? Page 2 3/4
Unbeknownst to them, Muslims are all followers of the FSM! The correlation is clear and infallible. If one needs more persuasion, he need look no further than the Quran. There is a parable in the book called “A Thousand Camels”. If one were to read this parable, they might get some interesting insight into something about camels, but that's not what we are here for are we? Camels eat pasta. That's right, camels celebrate the body of His Noodly Goodness much like catholics at communion. Camels, Pasta, Midgets, FSM! The relation is clearly obvious...if you squint enough.
I was going to write something about Hinduism, but I have no experience to draw from, and while I am not above blatantly plagiarizing from the internet (who really is though?), I will furnish the below space with my thoughts on Hinduism.
Something, something, something...Hindus love the FSM. Its because of the beards. Seriously, look at the Sikh Hindus. They have some SERIOUSLY bitching beards. Who else has SERIOUSLY bitching beards? Damn right, pirates. That, my friends, is science.
In closing, I submit to the reader this question: In light of the evidenced presented to you, how can you argue against not only the inclusion of Pastafarianism as a recognized religion, but the fact the Pastafarianism gave rise to every modern day religion?

User avatar
Rev. Daniel Scott
Bucatini Buccanneer
Posts: 293
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2013 5:13 am

Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby Rev. Daniel Scott » Sun Aug 25, 2013 10:50 pm

Yes! Yes! Copy-pasta is your friend.
Pastafarian Doctoral Dissertation: Accepted

Completed Works:

Biblical
OP:
Ghettisis (CH 1-10 complete)
He Who is a Servant of FSM
Narwhal
Couscousum
Zozuniah
To Build or Not To Build
Covenant of Olive

NP:
Midas
Sailamon
2, 3 ParmaJohn
Jude's Kitchen



Confucian
Confusion Analects: Book I


~~~~~Qapla', sak-khet, saith.~~~~~
~~~~~~Finna ilian un atra du~~~~~
~~~~~~evarínya ono varda.~~~~~~
~~~~Mára mesta, Eywa ngahu.~~~~
~~(tlhIngan, Rihannsu, Quenya...)~~

User avatar
ChowMein
Brewmeister
Posts: 1937
Joined: Sat Mar 04, 2006 8:38 am
Location: Southern part of the Great White North

Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby ChowMein » Fri Jan 20, 2017 10:14 am

AVAST MONO !

Oi hath found thee thread wich oi menshund to ye larst semifor .
That wich ye seek be on page 3 (of course ) har har har .

Argh !

User avatar
Nef Yoo BlackBeard
Tagliatelle Trainee Monk
Posts: 4089
Joined: Thu Jan 29, 2009 10:45 pm
Location: off me leesh
Contact:

Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard » Sat Jan 28, 2017 11:58 am

ChowMein wrote:AVAST MONO !

Oi hath found thee thread wich oi menshund to ye larst semifor .
That wich ye seek be on page 3 (of course ) har har har .

Argh !


HO !

rrrr dat me lungwindid storee ! :haha: rrrr
:welcome:
cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.

User avatar
StayThirstyMyAguila
Definitely not Eric
Posts: 1292
Joined: Thu Dec 15, 2016 2:16 pm
Location: The depths of Archaide.

Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby StayThirstyMyAguila » Sun Jan 29, 2017 2:08 pm

This thread isn't active any more is it?
And what are the different doctorates you can earn? I'd consider one in theological algebra. Plus, I've already done the work for that one . . .
Also, the images for the certificates don't work anymore, I'm pretty sure that's not a me problem, right?

User avatar
Roy Hunter
If it's not Scottish, it's crap.
Posts: 15171
Joined: Sun Nov 09, 2008 6:13 pm
Location: It's the place where you are, but that's not important right now.
Contact:

Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby Roy Hunter » Sun Jan 29, 2017 5:50 pm

The way it works in tertiary education is that you write a thesis, and your peers decide what qualification you are getting.

I suspect you'd get a BS.

StayThirstyMyAguila wrote:I'm pretty sure that's not a me problem, right?
It is one of many.
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical and cruel; but I am, so that's how it comes out." Bill Hicks.
"One should not believe everything one reads on the internet." Abraham Lincoln
"Are you OK?" daftbeaker (<-- very good question, people should ask it more often.)

Beware the Ides of June!

User avatar
StayThirstyMyAguila
Definitely not Eric
Posts: 1292
Joined: Thu Dec 15, 2016 2:16 pm
Location: The depths of Archaide.

Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby StayThirstyMyAguila » Mon Jan 30, 2017 11:18 am

So it's just me? That's too bad . . . WAIT! Is it like the POPE certificate I remember seeing someone have? Hold on, I'm gonna find it real quick.

EDIT: I can't find it. If I do, I'll post it here.
EDIT 2: Some of the images are working now, but not the first four, and some others are also missing.

User avatar
StayThirstyMyAguila
Definitely not Eric
Posts: 1292
Joined: Thu Dec 15, 2016 2:16 pm
Location: The depths of Archaide.

Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby StayThirstyMyAguila » Thu Feb 02, 2017 11:13 am

FOUND IT!
Here it is: Image.
EDIT: Really? I copy-pasta-ed the image, and THAT happened? :confused:
Let me try again: [img]removed[/img]
In case the image doesn't work, you can see it in St. John The Blasphemist's signature at this link: viewtopic.php?f=67&t=10353&start=30

User avatar
StayThirstyMyAguila
Definitely not Eric
Posts: 1292
Joined: Thu Dec 15, 2016 2:16 pm
Location: The depths of Archaide.

Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby StayThirstyMyAguila » Fri Mar 03, 2017 11:50 am

Alright, here goes nothin':
Oh, before we start, I'll mention that it's going to have a name not uncouth to those of episodes of "The Big Bang Theory".

The Creation Implication

     We all know the argument against a creator, intelligent or otherwise: The creator must have had a creator, and that creator a creator, et cetera (no, the correct grammar would NOT be, 'and et cetera", because, "et" is Latin, and coincidentally also French, for, "and", so the translation would therefore be, "and and cetera", and while this phrase has its uses, this isn't one of them). This, as seems obvious to my mind, must also apply to the Big Bang, for the Big Bang is as much a creator as anything else.
     If you have yet to read The Gospel Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster by Bobby Henderson, then I strongly suggest you do so, or at least to read the passage on pages 164-169 if you need clarification on the 'infinite creators' idea.

     The source of our apparent problem, at least, as mine eyes see it, is that any creator implies a mightier creator from whence they came. The answer to this conundrum, my dear boy, girls, and others, is the Greeks.
     As usual, the Greeks (and through them, the thieving warlords we call, "Romans") were right. The evidence and its inherent logic, at least, suggests they were correct in their assumption that everything in existence started as Chaos.

     Consider the nature of Chaos: chaos, by definition, follows no patterns and no laws, not those of physics, morality, federal government, states, provinces, religion, nor even those of time itself. Therefore, chaos would follow no timeline¹, and would assume every form and no form all at once.

     Where were we? Oh yes: logically, one of these 'forms' must be one that has the characteristic of rules, and would be subject to those rules (there would be other forms as well, but these are irrelevant). This form would take no time at all (since time cannot exist in pure chaos) to become dominant, because it would immediately denature itself, a.k.a. the chaos and take on that shape until some external influence forced it to do otherwise.

     Some may argue that this theory does not mention the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but this is not necessarily so. I direct your attention to The Gospel Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster by Bobby Henderson, specifically pages 199-202. This passage, in case you don't have access to it or are simply too lazy to check, uses Kolmogorov complexity to provide proof and a greater understanding of His noodly goodness. It also illustrates how a creator complex enough to create life could have come from something as simple as a box of straight lines (or a box of, "simple carbohydrates", as some would say).
    See what I did there?

     I now propose my theorem: I propose that the origin-chaos-of-many-forms-all-at-once became a single form that followed certain rules, forcing itself to degenerate to a state of a rule-driven reality, and immediately created a box of spaghetti, along with some way to quickly increase the complexity of that spaghetti, giving us the FSM and, in turn, the world as we see it now.

     Unfortunately, if you count the rules of logical conjecture as rules, then chaos does not necessarily have to conform to this logic, and the entire theorem is null and void.



      __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
       ¹The immediately obvious counterargument is that Chaos counts as a creator, too. While this point is valid, chaos does not, as we have already concluded, follow a timeline. Since a 'before' phase is part of a timeline and necessary for there to have been a creator for the chaos, then we can conclude that if there IS no 'before' phase, then chaos cannot have had a creator. We already concluded that chaos follows no timeline, so there cannot have been a 'before' phase, as that would imply the existence of a timeline within the chaos. As such, chaos must have been point (0, 0, 0, 0) in the universe (that's x, y, z, and T coords for anyone who got confuzzled).





The Enlightenment Investigation

     I assume everyone here has rudimentary language lessons. If you, my dear reader, do not, here's a fun fact: in most Latin-based languages, "la" is the feminine form of, "the". This is an obvious indication that a very tasty pasta known only as, "Lasagna" is really a (rather redundantly) abbreviated form of, "La Sagna".

     So who or what IS this coveted Sagna? I am convinced that the answer to this question holds both the key to enlightenment and the answers to the age-old questions concerning our very existence.





OH MY FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER I WAS ONLY SCREWING AROUND BUT THIS IS A BEAUTY
     I only did this because I was screwing around, and I was gonna be sad when it turned out 'sagna' was not an answer-all. But then . . . :lol: :cry: :lol: :cry: :lol:
     Add the letters in, "sagna" together (where a=1, b=2, et cetera).
     I KNEW it was the answer to our very existence, but now no one could POSSIBLY disagree!!!
     I broke into tearful laughter on the bus as I figured this out :lol: :cry: The chances of that, though . . . it's just . . . :love: :lol:

User avatar
Roy Hunter
If it's not Scottish, it's crap.
Posts: 15171
Joined: Sun Nov 09, 2008 6:13 pm
Location: It's the place where you are, but that's not important right now.
Contact:

Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby Roy Hunter » Sat Mar 04, 2017 7:01 pm

Is that it? A bunch of self-referential, self congratulatory hogwash based on reading the Gospel, some questionable assumptions about Islam, and some self-cancelling logic? Have you ever met a Muslim? Do you know what a single, solitary Muslim thinks?

Professor Roland is not going to be impressed by that. You have not added anything of substance to the canon as far as I can tell.

4/10. I shall speak to your mother on Parents Night.

Also, Professor Roland's not exactly sober right now...
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical and cruel; but I am, so that's how it comes out." Bill Hicks.
"One should not believe everything one reads on the internet." Abraham Lincoln
"Are you OK?" daftbeaker (<-- very good question, people should ask it more often.)

Beware the Ides of June!

User avatar
Nef Yoo BlackBeard
Tagliatelle Trainee Monk
Posts: 4089
Joined: Thu Jan 29, 2009 10:45 pm
Location: off me leesh
Contact:

Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard » Sat Mar 04, 2017 7:23 pm

Um , um ......

um ....

on this trewly suspicious okayshun ....

i wood like to congratchewlate ....

me , myself and I ....

................

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.

User avatar
daftbeaker
Help! I've fallen and can't get curry.
Posts: 9860
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 2:11 pm
Location: Surrey, England.

Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby daftbeaker » Sun Mar 05, 2017 1:48 pm

Roy Hunter wrote:The way it works in tertiary education is that you write a thesis, and your peers decide what qualification you are getting.

I suspect you'd get a BS.

That is something different to a BSc I assume? I think FA might be more likely :idiot:
Too old to give up but too young to rest - Pete Townshend

I would rather be a rising ape than a falling angel - Sir Terry Pratchett

I liked his explanation about what brought him to chemistry as much as the video itself - pieces o'nine

User avatar
StayThirstyMyAguila
Definitely not Eric
Posts: 1292
Joined: Thu Dec 15, 2016 2:16 pm
Location: The depths of Archaide.

Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby StayThirstyMyAguila » Mon Mar 06, 2017 10:38 am

Roy Hunter wrote:Is that it? A bunch of self-referential, self congratulatory hogwash based on reading the Gospel, some questionable assumptions about Islam, and some self-cancelling logic?
I read it over 6 times before I posted it (no, really). I just read over it 3 more times. I'm deeply confused. When did I mention Muslims/Islam once? Is Sagna a person? If so, know that I don't watch sports, and I could name maybe three actors, and then I couldn't even tell you who they played, so if I referenced some Muslim person, oh well. That's not what I meant, we both know that, so get over it.
DISCLAIMER: THE ABOVE WORK DOES NOT REFER TO ANY REAL PEOPLE, BESIDES BOBBY HENDERSON AND THE FSM. Happy?
Also, how was I self-referential/congratulatory? If you'd just said hogwash I'd be okay with that and take other opinions. Blatantly insulting me with nothing to back it up, on the other hand, I'm not okay with.
The logic is, by its very nature, self-cancelling. Besides, this isn't a scientific paper, unless religion counts as scientific theory. I just thought it to be an interesting observation, and thus shared it. If you have a better observation or theory, quit your crying and share it.
And I saw what Nef Yoo wrote for this thread. If that's perfectly acceptable, then all bets are off.
Roy Hunter wrote: Have you ever met a Muslim? Do you know what a single, solitary Muslim thinks?
No, and nor do I assume to. You might wanna go home and stop :drinking: .
Roy Hunter wrote:Professor Roland is not going to be impressed by that. You have not added anything of substance to the canon as far as I can tell.

4/10. I shall speak to your mother on Parents Night.
Oh, you speak for Roland now? And I'm pretty sure this thread has nothing to do with the canon.
And after that other post with MBE in the Daily Rant thread, you aren't going ANYWHERE near my family.
Roy Hunter wrote:Also, Professor Roland's not exactly sober right now...
Great, which is why I turn to the (rather dwindling) masses of these forums for an outright opinion based on observation, logical conjecture, and a desire to aid improvement, not biting (EDIT: no, criticism isn't the word I'm looking for . . . insults! That's the ticket!) insults that have no actual helpfully (or even neutrally) critical intent, frankly make an ɑss out of you, and are probably quoted from the comments section of a modern news article.

Now seriously, did something happen? Did someone you know kick it or something? Or are you just too deep in that cup there, Dolly Parton?
Don't look at me like that, I'm giving you a way to explain this nonsensical ranting.
daftbeaker wrote:
Roy Hunter wrote:The way it works in tertiary education is that you write a thesis, and your peers decide what qualification you are getting.

I suspect you'd get a BS.

That is something different to a BSc I assume? I think FA might be more likely :idiot:
I had to look up that last abbreviation (which I hesitate to write because of my school's multiple programs on this laptop, monitoring my very keystrokes). I get the feeling it's one of the less flattering ones. I feel you're going to be much more reasonable and direct than my not-so-dear boy/girl/other over here. If you would, be a dear and explain to me what is so wrong with it.

User avatar
Roy Hunter
If it's not Scottish, it's crap.
Posts: 15171
Joined: Sun Nov 09, 2008 6:13 pm
Location: It's the place where you are, but that's not important right now.
Contact:

Re: Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

Postby Roy Hunter » Mon Mar 06, 2017 12:15 pm

StayThirstyMyAguila wrote:If you would, be a dear and explain to me what is so wrong with it.

No. Because you didn't ask nicely.
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical and cruel; but I am, so that's how it comes out." Bill Hicks.
"One should not believe everything one reads on the internet." Abraham Lincoln
"Are you OK?" daftbeaker (<-- very good question, people should ask it more often.)

Beware the Ides of June!


Return to “All Things FSM”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests