BOOK I. Confuse Us
CHAPTER I. 1. The Pirate said, 'Is it not pleasant to live in unending leisure and lethargy?
2. 'Is it not delightful to have friends who are as crazy as you?'
3. 'Is His Noodliness not of complete leisure, who feels no
obligation to men and midgets who know him not?'
CHAP. II. 1. Yu said, 'In our ranks, there are an influx of they who are fond of offending against their superiors. They have been fond of stirring up confusion. Anarchy and chaos, they say. Long live oxygen!
2. 'The superior man bends over backwards to do what they ask because he is unused to being challenged.
CHAP. III. The Pirate said, 'Fine wine and an unpiratelike appearance are seldom associated with true Faith. Cheap grog should be good enough for you.'
CHAP. IV. The phillysofusur said, 'I daily examine myself on three points:-- whether, in running into other people, I have been drunk enough;-- whether, when yelling with friends, I have been drunk enough;-- whether I may have not drunk enough in general to the liking of His Noodliness. These are the questions I ask myself...'
CHAP. V. The Pirate said, To rule a country of a thousand drunkards, there must be an even more inebriated leader; for only one of such drunkenness could understand the minds of the masses.'
CHAP. VI. The Pirate said, 'A youth, when at home, here and there, should question his elders. He should not blindly accept what they say as true. He should also show respect where respect is due, however. When he has time, he should study up so that he isn't an ignorant chap.'
CHAP. VII. Whatchamaface said, 'If a midget withdraws his mind from the love of booty, and applies it as sincerely to the love of generosity; if, in serving his parents, he can somehow manage not to lose his temper; if, in serving his prince, he can devote his brief moments that he's willing to give to the dumb prince anyway; if he only tells little white lies to his friends rather than blatant untruths:-- although men say that he has not learned, I will certainly say that he
CHAP. VIII. 1. The Pirate said, 'If the scholar be not skeptical, he will not question the flatness of the earth, and his learning will be mushy like a loaf of bread in a rainstorm.
2. 'Hold faithfulness and sincerity as first principles. Except really, hold the Eight I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts as first principles.
3. 'Have no friends not equal to yourself. Unless you want to actually have friends. Then do whatever.
4. 'When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them. I mean, your girlfriend/boyfriend/sexuallyambiguousfriend will just end up pointing them out to you eventually...'
CHAP. IX. The phillysofusur said, 'Let there be a careful attention to the lack of attention that need be spent over the loose and flimsy standards that some of us hold and others do not, and let them be followed when it pleases you;-- then choice will be available, rather than just like, blindly following something written a bazillion days ago. I mean, who really does that?'
CHAP. X. 1. Complex-Name 1 asked Complex-Name 2, saying, 'When the Pirate comes to any country, he does not fail to learn all about its government so that he may choose whether or not the laws should be disrespected or if they're mildly acceptable. Does he ask his information? or is it given to him?'
2. Complex-Name 2 said, 'The Pirate is sometimes impatient, often too full of himself, lazy, drunk, and sometimes preachy. The Pirate's mode of asking information!-- is it not different from that of other men? Where else to get his information than a local pub?'
CHAP. XI. The Pirate said, 'Something something about a midget's father and things about the papa dying. Do with this as you will.'
CHAP. XII. 1. Yu said, 'In practicing or choosing not to practice the flimsy standards of the Church, a natural ease is to be prized. It's like those kings from hella long ago. They gave not a single flying fluck about stuff so they were carefree. Be that you.
2. 'Sometimes you just might want to care about something though, and at least act like you're paying attention. These practices are good.'
CHAP. XIII. LazyTown said, 'Yarr har fiddle dee dee. Being a pirate is alright to be. Do what you want 'cause a pirate is free. You are a pirate!'
CHAP. XIV. The Pirate said, 'He who aims to be reasonably tolerable is not full of himself, nor does he spend his money like no other to make his living quarters look like El Dorado. Be not so full of yourself, and be not so wasteful.'
CHAP. XV. 1. Complex-Name 2 said, 'What say you of a midget who follows not the Either I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts?' The Pirate replied, 'Eh. I'd really rather they didn't ignore them, but who am I to cast judgment?'
2. Complex-Name 2 replied, 'Oh.'
3. The Pirate said, 'Good talk.'
CHAP. XVI. The Pirate said, 'I will not be afflicted at midgets' not respecting the Church; I will be afflicted that I do not respect theirs. Who am I kidding? I won't be afflicted for that either.'
Pastafarian Doctoral Dissertation
: AcceptedCompleted Works:BiblicalOP:Ghettisis (CH 1-10 complete)
He Who is a Servant of FSM
To Build or Not To Build
Covenant of OliveNP:Midas
2, 3 ParmaJohn
Confusion Analects: Book I
~~~~~Qapla', sak-khet, saith.~~~~~
~~~~~~Finna ilian un atra du~~~~~
~~~~~~evarínya ono varda.~~~~~~
~~~~Mára mesta, Eywa ngahu.~~~~
~~(tlhIngan, Rihannsu, Quenya...)~~