Creation Story

[Aclor79]

The official doctrine claims that the FSM created the world 5,000 years ago. I would like to raise a counterpoint, based on science's Big Bang theory. If you were a fun-loving, omnipotent being, and you had the chance to make the biggest explosion ever, wouldn't you take it?

[Cardinal Fang]

According to Uncyclopedia, there is a controversial theory called Automated Creationism. This theory proposes that the Flying Spaghetti Monster designed a process by which all of creation would come into existence through natural progression, initially triggered by Him in one significant event, called the Big Boil*. Such natural progression would also serve to mislead scientists, something that causes the Flying Spaghetti Monster much delight.

(*The Big Boil Event took longer than He expected until He created salt and added it to the mix. This initiated the Big Boil and also explains why the sea is salty.)

CF

[bonsaiherb]

Dear Cardinal,

It seems like you have begun a salty Genesis beginning to the FSM Gospel, but there are many chapters between. I particularly await your version of Revelations.

Nicely done!

[bonsaiherb]

Hi Cardinal Fang,

A new chapter.

In the midst of the seas there was a great void. It was a time of deep darkness, before the crustacean or the first fish. Into this Amphibious void came the Giant Octopi known as FSM. With his eight tentacles, enormous testicles and all seeing eyez he created the Cephalopods known as Octopi and Squid.

The oceans were colorless at that time so he squirted his great inkiness into this domain. The shallow seas were churned by the gods of the air and the coloration was blue. As the remainder of his inkiness settled downward the ocean became ever darker and the creatures of the land could not penetrate those great depths The FSM gave the care of the sea that surrounded him to his minions and they can be found guarding the oceans under the boulders he had deposited for them to live under.
FSM filled the seas with living things: diatoms and krill to feed new swimming creatures of every sort. He even created squid and penguins that would dine upon the multitude. He created sharks, turtles and whales. Some of these even ventured upon the land. His angels the flying squid could even fly.
To the coastal regions he created Kelp and in this sub domain of great forests would be the sea anemone, crab, starfish and non-gilled animals like the seal. On the fifth day he was satisfied, and sank to the deep abyss of his deep Pacific ocean. So centered near Hawaii, his tentacles reached from East to West and North to South, breathing life into the Pacific Rim with every quiver of his body.
Soon creatures (he had not breathed his soul into would begin to intrude. From their land, they would sail upon his domain and harvest the Whale and .Octopus. Even his archangel the Giant Squid or Kraken could not end this plague on the oceans. This would make him furious and he would stretch his limbs and pull on these tectonic hinges causing, fire, eruptions, quakes and tsunamis to cull out those he had not created. In his greatest anger he flooded the pustules of land and thought it was it was good.
It did not work and even today he battles against the angel who had ascended to rule lands he could not convert.

[Cardinal Fang]

Hi Cardinal Fang,

A new chapter.

In the midst of the seas there was a great void. It was a time of deep darkness, before the crustacean or the first fish. Into this Amphibious void came the Giant Octopi known as FSM. With his eight tentacles, enormous testicles and all seeing eyez he created the Cephalopods known as Octopi and Squid.

The oceans were colorless at that time so he squirted his great inkiness into this domain. The shallow seas were churned by the gods of the air and the coloration was blue. As the remainder of his inkiness settled downward the ocean became ever darker and the creatures of the land could not penetrate those great depths The FSM gave the care of the sea that surrounded him to his minions and they can be found guarding the oceans under the boulders he had deposited for them to live under.
FSM filled the seas with living things: diatoms and krill to feed new swimming creatures of every sort. He even created squid and penguins that would dine upon the multitude. He created sharks, turtles and whales. Some of these even ventured upon the land. His angels the flying squid could even fly.
To the coastal regions he created Kelp and in this sub domain of great forests would be the sea anemone, crab, starfish and non-gilled animals like the seal. On the fifth day he was satisfied, and sank to the deep abyss of his deep Pacific ocean. So centered near Hawaii, his tentacles reached from East to West and North to South, breathing life into the Pacific Rim with every quiver of his body.
Soon creatures (he had not breathed his soul into would begin to intrude. From their land, they would sail upon his domain and harvest the Whale and .Octopus. Even his archangel the Giant Squid or Kraken could not end this plague on the oceans. This would make him furious and he would stretch his limbs and pull on these tectonic hinges causing, fire, eruptions, quakes and tsunamis to cull out those he had not created. In his greatest anger he flooded the pustules of land and thought it was it was good.
It did not work and even today he battles against the angel who had ascended to rule lands he could not convert.

I suggest you post this to the Scripture and Lore section, and see whether the Council of the Olive Gardem will consider this for inclusion in to any further editions of the Loose Cannon.

CF

[bonsaiherb]

Thanks for the suggestion, I will czech out the link.

I may have updated a few things on my own site. The ability to put links in and pictures helps the discourse.
I included your own beginning with links to your website and to to the FSM homepage and food site.

Tried to contact you with email for permission but after repeated tries it failed. If you do NOT want it
to be included, let me know and I will delete it immediately.

I am a bit punchy after yesterdays fireworks. I HATE this day. The animals, birds are totally upset and i couldn't
get to sleep until 1:00. The air pollution was so high it was like smokey fog. AARGH! Today, I am watching what
is arguably the most skilful football match I've seen so far in the World Cup. Great stuff. Go Argentina, Go Belgium.
The French/German match up was the equivalent of watching my beans simmer down. The later Brazil/Columbia game
was nasty. I didn't enjoy it at all. Rooted for Columbia. Sigh!

It is too bad that one of these teams will be knocked out. I think either one would defeat Brazil.

Let me know your response as to my inclusion of your words. I ended up deleting my email link as I figured you had
a reason for doing the same.

http://sweetgeodes.com/senft/?page_id=2432 Creation story
http://sweetgeodes.com/senft/?p=2488 Octopus sports.

Feel welcome to make a comment on my site! I find it sad that only 1-3 percent of viewers bother to comment or add to the story line.