Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved here

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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Monobaz
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Monobaz » Fri Jan 16, 2015 4:58 pm

Deer Anti Blackbeer,
Oi moight ‘ave bean spendin a bit ov tyme with Big Brenda wen oi wos last on shaw leave and afta thee roman-antics stuff wos ova oi startid t' reed me favrit Vasudra Torrent novel. Well, Brenda flew inta a rage an’ told me iffen oi wanted ta reed that shit t' do it at sea. But me delemma is oi likes to reed afta a bit ov nudge-nudge wink-wink yoo no wot. Wot am oi t' do? Oar should oi jus' say bugger yoo, oim gunna stop cummin 'ere afta work, oi wont t' read this shit at moi howse?
"There was a time when religion ruled the world. It is known as the Dark Ages." Ruth Hurmence Green

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DaveL
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby DaveL » Sat Jan 17, 2015 4:08 am

Yarrr...

No idea what ye be talkin' about there matey. None watsoever. as Oi be completely unawares of that weird sort of gear (although the dugongs start to look attractive after a long voyage!)

Are ye sure ye bin spending too long at sea? The perils of the long voyage, can distort ye perspective, if ye know what Oi mean. Speak to ye Captain about a bit of hextended Brenda time, and plan a bit more time with your land based boarding activities (if ye know what Oi mean).

Capn Dave
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http://www.hotdugong.com

Is it June 2017 yet?

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Nef Yoo BlackBeard
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard » Sat Jan 17, 2015 4:19 pm

Monobaz wrote:Deer Anti Blackbeer,
Oi moight ‘ave bean spendin a bit ov tyme with Big Brenda wen oi wos last on shaw leave and afta thee roman-antics stuff wos ova oi startid t' reed me favrit Vasudra Torrent novel. Well, Brenda flew inta a rage an’ told me iffen oi wanted ta reed that shit t' do it at sea. But me delemma is oi likes to reed afta a bit ov nudge-nudge wink-wink yoo no wot. Wot am oi t' do? Oar should oi jus' say bugger yoo, oim gunna stop cummin 'ere afta work, oi wont t' read this shit at moi howse?


Deer Capn Nomobagz ,

If ya lyk ta weed bookz alla tyme
ya gunna git hare ona tha bak of yer hanz !
an den ya gunna go bline !

Ya bedder stop weeding wite aweigh !

Wurrywingwe yers ,
Me anti bakbeerd .
cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.

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Auntie Blackbeard
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Auntie Blackbeard » Wed Jan 21, 2015 10:13 pm

Avast me Drearies !

Oi be awoken frum me nap , yarrrrrgh , fank ye nef yoo an' thee rest ove ye fer asisstince on me beharf in dealin' with all these bottles .
Oi harrtidly aproof ove thee brillyent wisdim bein' dispinced .
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.

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DaveL
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby DaveL » Thu Jan 22, 2015 4:34 am

Dear Aunty Bb,

Oi thinks me girlfriend is cheating on me.

Image

Should I grow a big hairy moustache to win back her affeckshuns?
Manatee Singles
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Is it June 2017 yet?

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Auntie Blackbeard
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Auntie Blackbeard » Thu Jan 22, 2015 6:52 am

Oh deery deery me Dave, thet be a shame considderin she be such thee beauty an’ awl butt Oi woodent be changin’ me himmage, no, no, no! Ye be douwn in Van Deemons Lan Dave an’ iff ye grows owt a big hairee merstash ye mite atrackt Merv Hughs then ye reely be in trubbel. Oi advize ye move on kwicklee Dave, there be plentee ov fish in thee sea.
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.

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Nef Yoo BlackBeard
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard » Thu Jan 22, 2015 1:07 pm

Deeer anti backbeerd ,

Um um hi wuz um wuz singin in Hyde Parrk onna top uf a sope box yesserday .
Alla peepullz lyke et soo bwerry much thay throwd froot an veggies fer me ta kook wiff .
Wot shud hi kook fer supparr rrrr r .

Yer Nefyoo rrrrrr
cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.

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Auntie Blackbeard
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Auntie Blackbeard » Thu Jan 22, 2015 11:18 pm

Yaaagh Nef Yoo me littel blaggarrrd, Oi've bean wunderkind how Ye argh goin'. Oi sea ye bean makin' yer fourtune singin' backin' vocals wiv Unkle Vanya, now that bee thee klass act lad! And thee crowd woz suitablee himpressed two doenate thee makin's fer ye supperrre, yaaghh. Oi woz resentlee reedin' thee Vengazine Pyrit Cookbuk lad wen Oi spied a luverlee ressapee, yaarrgh. Ye coode chop them vegebles hup wiv ye cutliss and chuk them inna pot wiv Capin Longpig. Thee ressapee b called boyled Longpig wivout basil an' ginjarrrgh. Now heer b a littel hadvice fer free Nef Yoo. Now thet ye b hobnobbin' a round wiv thee musishuns an' sech Oi downt want ta b hearin' Ye rrrgh goin' orf thee rails. Downt ye b caugght kissin' pyrit girls under thet there willow tree Nef Yoo, ye b only thfree ya yung scallyway.
Yoor devoted Auntie BB.
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.

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ChowMein
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved here

Postby ChowMein » Sun Sep 13, 2015 5:30 pm

Deer Anti Blackbeer ,

Oi be dissypointid wiff me NefYoo , he wunce showd grate prommess as truebedoor wiff all dat whaling aweigh an sech .
All he duz dese daze be consernd wiff dat poncy long hared lexykon triyen ta teech dem lanlubbers nu wurds an wotnot .
How duz oi git em baak ta da strayt an marrow singin guud ole see shantees ?

Yers Troolee , Cappin Tone Deaf

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Auntie Blackbeard
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved here

Postby Auntie Blackbeard » Tue Sep 15, 2015 4:37 am

Deer Cappin Stone Deff,

It’as bean sooo loong sinse Oi ’ad eny letterrrs Oi thawt thee posst hoffice must ’ave bean on stryke, yarrrgh.

Inn annserrr 2 yore qweerie Cappin Oi musst say Oi’ve notissed thee Nef Yoo spendin sum smawl effitt lernin awl them landlubberrrrs ’ow 2 tawk propparr lyke, yargh, butt Oi did’nt rekkon onnit addverrse lee arrfektin ’is mewsickal carreerrr. Inn fakct, Oi wozzent qwite shorre thee littel blighter ’ad a mewsickle carreerrrr, speshelly arrrrfterr ’is larrst effit, yoo no, wen awl them crule pyrits chucked rrotten froot at ’im, yarrghh. Hackchewly it did crross mi mind the hinsident shall we say mite knot hav bean Nef Yoo’s falt. Them backin’ mewzishun blagggarrds mite ’ave bean thee problem awl a long – Cappin ’unter’s groop iffen Oi rememmburrr ritely.

Enyway yoo crrrusty old buzzard, Oi ’ave no eye deer wi evvabuddy ses yoo arrre a harrf hitch shawt ovv a granny-not, considderin it is onlee Cappin Stone Deff hoo thinkx Nef Yoo can sing. (And luckerlee yew car'nt rreed eithurrr yoo old blaggarrrrd, yarrgh!)

Yers Sin Searly,
Arntie BB
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.

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Nef Yoo BlackBeard
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved here

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard » Wed Sep 30, 2015 11:00 am

Umm... Deer Arnie BwackBeerd ,

Pweese hellp , my frennd sayd he iss a agnostic dyslexic insomniac .

I do'nt eefen no wot dat meens . :confused:

Wot shood he do ?

NYBB
cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.

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Auntie Blackbeard
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved here

Postby Auntie Blackbeard » Wed Sep 30, 2015 10:17 pm

Avas Nef Yoo, Ahoy!

Well, well, well, if it isn’t me darlin’ little boy, I,ve bean wonnderrrrin’ ‘ow ye arrrrgh.

Now this bizzness with yore frendd sowndds vverry seery-uss. I have,nt hadd a case lyke this in a long tyme, an agnostic dyslexic insomniac yew say, yarrgh.

My best hadvise for yore frrend Nef Yoo - tell him to take a valium b4 going to bedd at nite. Diss will stop him lying awake contemplating thee existence ovv a dog, yarrrrgh.
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.

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ChowMein
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved here

Postby ChowMein » Fri Oct 30, 2015 7:18 am

Me moist 'steamed Auntie Backribs,

Me furst mate wot i gunna refer to as Havelock thee Sodden be at odds with sekond mate wot i be kauling Mad Dog McFlanagan .
Thay both be steeling frum wun anuther tharr beer , Mad Dog Mcflanagan makes a mess with the mess wen he starts gittin hammerd .
And he keeps burning me pots .
Havelock drunk all me milk for me tea and i saw him put his hands into thee leftover contayners after walkin out of thee head again .
Mad Dog says hes gunna hid his empties on Havelock.
Havelock be a downer he just drinks to stay drunk and still talking wen buffy tha vampire slayer is playing on thee punch an judy shew . And ive bin finking abowt gittin rida him foe some time now. But i dont fink i kin do et.

I neede thee rent munny so i kin sind me litter mates
three gurls a thousind peices .
I think i have it now to sind aweigh .
Howeffer oy has ta git nu spektaculls and another proper fittin set of pantyloons.
Also oy haff to pay thee tax wiffin three moons on tha Qween as well be hinsurance hin four moons.
And I still waiting on a ship to come in .
Havelock makes me nawshuss a lot .

Me haprintise Harry Larry Sunshine Fritzee McKlawkin thee Ninuth be a coverd wiff fleas wot he kawt frum Havelock .
He be a rolling abowt agun in thee mess an in alla thee heads and he neffer turns off thee tap .
That lad gunna be shups cat m8 furd klass fur ever iffin he dont shape up .

Wotsa salty sea cat gunna do ?

Yers trooly , Catpin anonnymuss abord Thee Raging Qween late of Thee Sea Hag

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Auntie Blackbeard
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved here

Postby Auntie Blackbeard » Fri Oct 30, 2015 9:46 pm

Deer Cappin Nonny Mouse,

I have de voted a full minnut ov my valubull tyme to the caerfawl considderashun ov yore predickamint and reckon expenses to daet a mount to too full bottels o gin. The qwestion is can yoo afford the ongoing costs of my fees? I urge yoo to delay sendin’ awl that silver to yore sisters wile we werk owt a plawsabull arrangemint.

Yoors,
ABB
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.

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ChowMein
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved here

Postby ChowMein » Wed Nov 04, 2015 6:22 am

Yarr 'steemed Anti BakBacon

Shups kat will nae poit aweigh his toys !

Eny sujjesshuns ?

Trooly yers,
Capin anonnymus , of thee Raging Queen , late of Thee Sea Hag , but moor anonnymuser than the lass guy.


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