Venganzine Pyrate Cookbook

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Cap'nsam
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Re: Venganzine Pyrate Cookbook

Postby Cap'nsam » Tue Nov 04, 2014 10:13 am

StewART
Go to Scotland
Find someone called Stoo
Cut out 'is 'art
Grill over flaming kilt

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bonsaiherb
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Re: Venganzine Pyrate Cookbook

Postby bonsaiherb » Tue Nov 04, 2014 11:35 am

One Charles Saatchi
One skewer (I find an 8' - 10' fencepost is ideal for the job)
Extra-hot chilli sauce (to taste)


Hello Roy,

I must be missing something wasn't Satchi an advertising company. I could understand the recipy for you present Prime Minshiter, but what is about Satchi? Created an art museum/Gallery -then donated it to the British public. 200 works of art.

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Monobaz
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Re: Venganzine Pyrate Cookbook

Postby Monobaz » Tue Nov 04, 2014 2:24 pm

Yarrr,Oi jus want to bury me head in the sand.


Thee trubble with that DaveL is Tony Abbott thee bastard moight bee struttin' about down thee beech and like-lee tred on yer hed.
"There was a time when religion ruled the world. It is known as the Dark Ages." Ruth Hurmence Green

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bonsaiherb
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Re: Venganzine Pyrate Cookbook

Postby bonsaiherb » Tue Nov 04, 2014 4:55 pm

the recipy for you present
I just hate it when I post things too fast. Tons of stuff happening and then my car battery died. Even before the election results came in I knew I would be having a BAD day.

I read that story ... but I wasn't really shocked and I can think the punishments suggested might belong to other critters out there. In the "Land of the Free" it has been estimated that over 100,000 people a year are put into what amounts slavery. Sex trade for sure.

Your pilloried victim said "I am disappointed that she was advised to make no public comment to explain that I abhor violence of any kind against women, and have never abused her physically in any way." Right on, I can slap her around - she's my wife. Divorcing her before she cooks him a special dinner was a VERY Wise move.

This goes on all the time, even in our gentler nation to the north of us. In Canada,
Jian Ghomeshi: 8 women accused the former CBC host of violence, sexual abuse or harassment

http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2014/10 ... sment.html

What I LOVED was that "Two of the women who allege they were physically assaulted also say that before the alleged assaults in his home he introduced them to Big Ears Teddy, a stuffed bear, and he turned the bear around just before he slapped or choked them, saying that “Big Ears Teddy shouldn’t see this.”

Ghomeshi said he has “done nothing wrong.” He said it is not unusual for him to engage in “adventurous forms of sex that included role-play, dominance and submission.”

Such is the problem life of the dominatrix. Rough sex and that ... of course the male would be Dominator (or a boss) or would he just like to 'Master.'

Image

Cap'nsam
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Re: Venganzine Pyrate Cookbook

Postby Cap'nsam » Wed Nov 05, 2014 8:52 am

Livvur 'n Bayk'un
Get sum livvur 'n bayk'un in a nuvven

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Nef Yoo BlackBeard
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Re: Venganzine Pyrate Cookbook

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard » Sat Dec 13, 2014 7:04 pm

Hokay Hi guunna telyer howder maik Thee Bourne Hoidentitee

Yr gest thee Bourbon biskitz
Ye wroits yre noime on thee burburn biscts
Thee bourne biksits gut yer Identer-tea

Iffn enywum disagree, yer killz em. Fank ye, ye welkum
cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.

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Nef Yoo BlackBeard
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Re: Venganzine Pyrate Cookbook

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard » Thu Dec 25, 2014 7:08 am

Hokay ummm taday wee iz gunna mayk

nefyooz mudpye

Furrrrrrrrrrrrrrst
ye haffa git sum mud!
Din
ye haffa putt et inna panz
Seckin
ye haffa putt em inna inna a a offin
a bery hot wun rrrrr
Furd
ye cook et jus loyk ya cook tha cow pye

Ded yeeee noooooo dat horseez mayk lotsa mud !

fank ye yer welkum
cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.

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ChowMein
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Re: Venganzine Pyrate Cookbook

Postby ChowMein » Wed Dec 31, 2014 5:30 pm

Nef Yoo BlackBeard wrote:Hokay ummm taday wee iz gunna mayk

nefyooz mudpye

Furrrrrrrrrrrrrrst
ye haffa git sum mud!
Din
ye haffa putt et inna panz
Seckin
ye haffa putt em inna inna a a offin
a bery hot wun rrrrr
Furd
ye cook et jus loyk ya cook tha cow pye

Ded yeeee noooooo dat horseez mayk lotsa mud !

fank ye yer welkum



ARRRGHHHH!!!!!

Matey!
Thet tharr be uddarrly discustin'!

Wot abowt thee raisons !

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Nef Yoo BlackBeard
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Re: Venganzine Pyrate Cookbook

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard » Wed Jan 21, 2015 5:58 pm

wiggletony

fer dis wesapee ya gunna nede a hanful ove werms dat ya naimd tony

din ya gotta git yer cutliss owt an kutin inna bitz

din ya poot da tamaydo on im
wot got frowd at ya
wen ya sing in da street
an maa be ya got sum cheez in yer sox ya kin put on dim
rrrr
cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.

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ChowMein
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Re: Venganzine Pyrate Cookbook

Postby ChowMein » Wed Jan 21, 2015 7:13 pm

Argh !
Thet sownds discustin' matey !
Warr be thee arghrigano ?

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Nef Yoo BlackBeard
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Re: Venganzine Pyrate Cookbook

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard » Thu Jan 22, 2015 6:28 am

Ho !
Darr be nu capinz inna port .
Ye gunna inwite dem ober fer supper rrr.
Taday we gunna haff -

Longpig wiff Basil an Ginger

Furst ye kaul ober Capin Longpig ... SOOOOWEEEE SOOOOOWEEE AHOYYY CAPIN LONGPIG HEEEEER CAPIN CAPIN CAPIN ! SOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEE !

Din affer ye kot tha capin an tye im ta tha chare ye gotta ketch Basil an din ...

Ho ...i dunt seas Basil rrrr an warr iz Ginger ?
rrrr neffer mine
i no kan mayk tha supper wiffowt Basil an Gingerrrrrrrrrrr rrr rrrr rr rrrrrrrr
cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.

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Nef Yoo BlackBeard
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Re: Venganzine Pyrate Cookbook

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard » Mon May 25, 2015 3:58 am

Hokay !

Umm.... diss a luvly respee 4 to cook da parott wens ye can ketch 'im .

Furss ye ketches thee parrit .

Den ye chuks 'im inna pot .

Stik inna wotterr an chuk inna wrock .

Boil thee blaggard 4 a day oar until thee rok iss sofff .

Chuk parrit a way an eet rok .

it calld boild rok in fused wiff parott flayvar, rrrrrrrr .

:welcome:
cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.

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ChowMein
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Re: Venganzine Pyrate Cookbook

Postby ChowMein » Thu Jun 25, 2015 3:05 am

Yarr .

Heer be a ressipee curtsea of me shipmate Havelock thee Sodden .

Firstlee make thee way to thee local beer retail establushmint before thee store opens so ye may be thee first in line with yeer bag of empty cans of which thou mayst redeem for coinage .
Use said coinage and extra dublooms to purchase eight cans of thee strongest beer on sale .
Spend thee next two hours drinking thee eight cans of beer whilst telling tall tales to yeer drinking buddys that were in thee queue with thee earlier .
After consuming thee eight cans , take yeer emptys along side the other emptys yeer drinking buddys threw into yeer bag back to thee beer selling estabLUSHment for more beer .
Quaff away yeer latest round of beer whilst spewing forth even more owtrageous boy cow manure .
Take yeer bag of new emptys and scour thee plaza and back alleyways for more emptys whilst picking up nice sized cigarette butts to smoke as ye go .
Panhandle enough change for a final beer before staggering to thee bank machine to remove thee remnants of yeer disability cheque to purchase thee cheapest ingreedyents in order to prepare a spagetty dinner fer yer shipmates who have wondering where thee phuck ye dissaperd to .
After purchasing cans of acidic tomato sauce , onions , pasta ,chicken breasts ,and peppers , return to beer store (happy with thee knowledge that ye saved money by not purchasing expensive ground beef ) for eight more cans of beer .
Stagger back to thee ship after six hours to prepare dinner thusly ...

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Auntie Blackbeard
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Re: Venganzine Pyrate Cookbook

Postby Auntie Blackbeard » Thu Jun 25, 2015 3:17 am

Will ye be s'pplyin sum beerrs 2 go wivv me supperrr ye ol' buzzarrrd oar are ye goin' 2 scoff th' lot ?
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.

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ChowMein
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Re: Venganzine Pyrate Cookbook

Postby ChowMein » Thu Jun 25, 2015 4:22 am

Havelock's Pasta continued

...in an eight quart pot dump in the cans of pasta sauce diced onion and peppers raw into the pot making certain the pot almost overflows .
Cut the chicken breasts into bits and toss it raw into the pot .
Drink two cans of beer whilst telling yer shipmates ye attended George Brown Culinary school ignoring thee incredulous looks from yer shipmates .
Ignore thee comments and advice from captain and crew on how to prepare yer dish.
Finish beer and crack open a new one.
Insist that it takes at least three hours to prepare yer dish.
Finish beer and crack open another.
Finish beer and crack open another.
Take an inadequate sized 4 quart pot for two pounds of pasta .
Place the two packages of pasta into the wee pot .
Add cold water .
Open yet another beer and down it .
Add more water to the pot .
Open another beer .
Add more water to the pot .
Drink another beer .
Add more water to the pot.
Drink another beer .
Add more water to the pot .
Claim it takes five hours to prepare pasta .
Drink another beer .
Ignore the two shipmates that are ordering pizza .
Drink another beer .
Ignore the Captain as he finishes preparing and consuming his own palatable dinner in under half an hour .
Add more water to the pot .
Drink third last beer .
Go to your hammock for a little snooze .
Wake up to pee .
Wash away the ink on yer face and ponder the nail polish on yer toenails .
Turn the heat off the pot of pasta ignoring thee congealed mass at thee bottom of thee pot , as well as thee semi- cooked mass about mid pot and the raw strands at the top.
Drink second last beer whilst wondering why after six hours of cooking noone wishes to sample yer offering .
Finish last beer.
Claim to yer shipmates that ye be a fine cook , trained as a sou chef , had a threesome with Heather Locklear , that yer affair with Pamela Anderson ended yer marriage , that ye be a good father that sees yer kids at least once every few years , that George Lucas' eldest daughter Victoria was a flight attendant who was at your birthday party in 1990 , and that Sass Jordan of whom you dated back in the day could barely speak English but you taught her well whilst being insistant her given name is Cassandra despite yer Captain calling boy cow poopoo to all yer claims .
Prepare to go to yon beer store with enough emptys to buy as much beer as possible leaving thee horrid mess ye call a meal for the captain to put away in disgust of thee complete and utter waste.
Return to ship with beers happy that ye made into thee store ten minutes before closing time .
Drink what beer ye have .
Pass out for another hour or so .
Wake up and go pee .
Wash the latest artwork off your face and try to guess who tied yer shoelaces together and ducktaped smelly socks to yer hands.
Realize you are sobering up and go to fridge in order to drink yer shipmates last beer .
Go to sleep for a few hours and wake up famished after not eating for two days .
Eat as little of the mess ye created because it is so awful , offer it to your shipmates thinking that this time someone might eat something you made .
Go back to sleep craving alcohol , get up multiple times in the night to pee long and loud because you don't know how to close the door to the loo and continue to not wash yer hands afterwards.
Wait for the beer store to open so to be thee first to queue up .


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