ProvHerbs

[Solipsy]

ProvHerbs

There is a simple formula for proverbs, if one reads more than about thirty of them, as I did when I was a traveling speaker and spent some hotel time reading Gideon's for entertainment... the formula is this:

The Deity likes that which is good, and dislikes that which is bad. Alternately, "good things are good, and bad things are bad" ie: a wise man has great wisdom, but a fool will utter foolishness. seriously. that's repeated in one form or another about six hundred times...And, the more inane or indecipherable they are, the better. About one in 500 proverbs from that other book actually makes any sense or isn't simply a restatement of an obvious fact, so have at it.

They are quite easy to invent:

The Flying Spaghetti Monster looks with favor upon the saucy, but shall withhold his blessed beer volcano from the dry.

His Noodlyness blesses not the deniers of Global warming, but shall make pirates plentiful to those who have been touched.

Arrrrrr, it is revealed and to be held holy that two meatballs exist, but three meatballs shall garner the wrath of His Appendage.

Invent your own today!!! Invite your fellow Pastafarians to join in!!! It's loads of fun.

Yours in sauce,
Solipsy

[Solipsy]

I see that people are checking this out, and I think I made a mistake in making it seem as if the formula I gave is an iron-clad rule of some sort. No way! Make puns, make no sense at all, give bad advice, give good advice, do anything you want! The only sort of "rule" that applies to Proverbs, really, is that they are generally short - a sentence are two, and they give some kind of advice, often obvious or useless.

I don't "own" this thread, and my "rules" were only meant to be a suggestion, or some kind of jumping-off point that you, my brother and sister Pastafarians, might find helpful if you haven't spent time reading/making fun of that other book. (It sucks to forget to stash reading material in your suitcase when you have to stay in hotels...) So please, just toss out something silly before you leave!?!

One of the funniest things I saw was in the e-mail section, (so I have to scroll through twenty pages looking for the author *sigh*) , was this:

With Him, All Things are Pasta-Bowl.

That is SOOOO perfect! I don't own this thread, and my "rules" don't apply. There are no "rules!" Just like our "Flimsy Moral Standards," the compilation of a the holy text which we hope will result from this is, after all, The Loose Canon! Let your creativity, so clear through the boards, go crazy!

Yours in sauce,
Solipsy

[Solipsy]

Holy FSM, I'm longwinded. Sorry.

Yours in sauce,
Solipsy


P.S. Just enthusiastic!

[Ushnor]

FSMs favorite weapons are the wip and the cutlass.
FSM could kick Godzilla’s ***.
Do not fear ducks, because that would be stupid.
When picking vanilla, chocolate, or chocolate swirl, get the swirl, or FSM will smite you with regret!
When you trip and see nothing for you to have tripped on, that means FSM was playing a prank on you! LAUGH AND FSM WELL GIVE YOU A CUP-CAKE!

EDIT to add 2 more:
If all the cool kids are doing it, then it must be the right thing to do.
FSM likes it when you use his name in vien!

[Lady Voldything]

For behold, the Flying Spaghetti Monster blesses not the purveyor of small boxed noodles, but rains down his blessings upon natural, yummy pastas.

Judge not the shape of thy noodle, but by the form of thy cheese, for any one among you with the cheese of the powder is a blasphemer, sayeth the Lord.

[Solipsy]

Now His Noodlyness is gettin' us in the spirit! Roll with it, Brother and Sister Pastafarians!

Yours in sauce,
Solipsy

[iylana23]

let he who is without seasoning, cast the first pinch of basil?

I'll do better when I am not so tired

[Qwertyuiopasd]

FSM could kick Godzilla’s ***.

oh i BEG to differ. although since one is a IMMORTAL DIETY, sure he'd win, but thats being unfiar to the FSM.

plus, the only explaination for Godzillas Awesomenss must be that The Flying Spaghetti Monster created him for awesome carnageness.

and just for a proverb:

it's not an old wives tale, too much red meat and mayo, will make you pagan by the day oh that is the end of you.
__________________________
The FSM shall not condem those who rock on for eternity, but will smite and banish those who sing without singing.

its its a common misconsecption
but true without susecptoin
the knights of booze
got chucked with yous
and that is an actual fact

(sining without singing is rapping, or songs by other no talent hacks. example: Justin Timberlake, hillary duff, and anyone from the POP age (BSB und *NYSNC))

more on the way matey's just need to listen to more Kaiser Chiefs.

EDIT: I may have to chuck the knights of booze one. GET IT? CHUCK! HAHAHAHHA! man i SUCK!

[Solipsy]

its not a misconsecption
but true without susecptoin
the knights of booze
got chucked with yous
and that is an acutal fact

Were you typing with Noodly Appendages, here, or just too much of the Sacred Beverage?

misconsecption? susecptoin? acutal? My spell-checker didn't even have a color to underline those with when I copy-pasted them. We're all fallible, but sometimes we're chemically impaired, too?

The FSM may be inspiring you to speak in Noodles here, so if you don't want to change it, in it goes verbatim. Lemme know.

[Qwertyuiopasd]

alrighty then, i edited it, its MISconseption, Suspection, and actual. SoRRy!

i got more though

buy not crap-in-a can of the false prophet Chef Boyardee.

do unto Pasta as you would have Pasta do unto you

... maybe not.

well, to make up for crappy proverbs, herers a good beer song:
http://www.rathergood.com/first_drink/

mmm... monkey beer.

[Ushnor]

When a problem comes along, you must wip it. *wupish!* Wip it good!
When you get pulled over by a cop, do NOT ask if he has a curly pink tail.
Elvis isn't dead.
UFOs are really FSMs giant Frisbees!
When in a fight, try to get combos. They give you bonus points!
If someone is different then you in some way, he or she should be feared and hated.

[In Altissimus]

He touched me again on the train home last night. More unworthy offerings from my mighty pen...



Abhor ye not the dried pasta, for verily it is written that only the stuff in tins is an abomination.

Forsake thy bus seat to the large of girth, for verily they have already seen the ways of the FSM.

Give in to temptation daily, for the FSM is not vengeful god and wants you to have a little fun along the way.

What the FSM giveth, the Atkins taketh away.

Partake of the red or of the white wine with thine pasta according to thine own taste, for in heaven it's mainly beer!

Starch not the shirts nor the linens, for starch is a holy foodstuff and should be consumed with reverence - and a good sauce.

[Solipsy]

In Altissimus; He touched me again on the train home last night. More unworthy offerings from my mighty pen...

Unworthy?!?!?!? Are you kidding? You, my fellow Pastafarian, have been Touched! Let us hope the Holy touching continues, but I recommend that you avoid wearing dry-clean-only clothing for a while, so as to save money on your laundry bills.

Keep 'em coming.

[bonsaikc]

His Noodliness helps those who help themselves to seconds!

[verbtea]

For is it not written:

He who doubteth me shall sip warm diet drinks fortified with caramel coloring and artificial sweetener forever: But he who believeth in me shall drink his fill from the beer volcano and the Holy Wine Bar.