Writing The "Meaty Bible"

Submit your scriptural writings for inclusion in the Loose Canon, and your tales of ancient FSM Lore, as well as any other FSM-related writing you may have.

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Postby Omnieiunium » Sun Aug 14, 2005 2:52 pm

I was hoping someone would do this eventually. I would do it myself, but I just am not aweosme enough.
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Postby CrimsonSlayer » Sun Aug 14, 2005 10:39 pm

I look forward to seeing this bible as me and my friends may be starting our own faction
ps. like the sig?

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Meaty Bible

Postby Ragu Tortelini Primavera » Tue Aug 16, 2005 12:03 am

May his Blessed Noodliness embrace your spirit,
I, a priest-prophet in the service of His sauciness, and a not-as-yet-named assistant are in the process of compiling the Holy writ and do ask you to expect some exerpts quoted herein.

May his Noodly Appendage touch your innermost being.
Ramen and Al Dente.

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Postby stuffedstich » Wed Aug 17, 2005 7:47 am

lol kim.

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Postby amenabletopasta » Wed Aug 17, 2005 1:41 pm

Captain_Flashy wrote:I look forward to seeing the book, I believe I have already discoverd a section from the book

Yarr! Oi be on tenter'ooks awaitin' the good cook-book. One o' me ancestors wrote a bit 'imself, as 'e was prone to "revelations" (particularly when 'e was three sheets to the wind). His name was Dolmio and 'e was a pirate too, though in them days pirates spoke differently:

And four great monsters came up from the sea, diverse one from another.

The first was like a pirate, and had parrot's wings: I beheld till the wings thereof were spread, and it was lifted up from the earth, and made stand upon the feet as a man, and mans' booty was given to it.

And behold another, a second, like to a serpent, and it was the Dragon, Atkins, and it raised up itself on one side, and it had three ribs in the mouth of it between the teeth of it: and they said thus unto it, Arise, devour much flesh.

After this I beheld, and lo another, like a midget, which had upon the back of it a mountain and some trees; the midget had also four heads; and dominion was given to it.

After this I saw in the night visions, and behold a fourth monster, flying and invisible, and tasty exceedingly; and it had great sauces of pesto: it hovered and brake in pieces, and stamped garlic-bread residue with the feet of it: and it was diverse from all the monsters that were before it; and it had ten noodley appendages.

I considered the noodley appendages, and, behold, there came up among them another little noodley appendage, before whom there were two meatballs: and, behold, in these noodles were eyes like the eyes of man, and a mouth speaking great things.

Sadly, Dolmio ended up bein' eaten by a lion after an ill judged bet with a midget...
Where we're from, the birds sing a pretty song, and there's always noodles in the air :fsm:

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Postby autrenouille » Wed Aug 17, 2005 3:50 pm

kimgraves wrote:The Bible is Christen like the Torah is Jewish or the Koran is Islam. What we need is a cookbook.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster has touched you with great wisdom. I also believe a Holy Cookbook is needed to help spread His delicious message.

Sauce be with you.

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Postby dodo129 » Thu Aug 18, 2005 1:06 am

I am new to this holy place, and have but one small revelation. last night, He in all his holiness spoke to me and told me that the first book in his great cookbook shall be the book of Baking and it shall contain this.
... and then i saw a wonderful land, and it was golden all o'er with golden fields growing the first pasta crop, and a peasant came up to me and spake thus.
"Last night, a great saviour came to this land, and he was flying, and He was a great creature of warm, damp string-like substance. And he gave each of us a part of His great body, and at the first taste it was as if all heaven had been broke asunder into our mouthes, and then he departed leaving only some seed and instruction on how to create our own spaghetti and other noodle-like substances. And we proceeded to grow this wonderous plant, and it grew faster and more swiftly than anything we had seen before." And then i was struck by a vision of whole nations living on this wonder-food, and all praising our wonderful Lord and Protector who has commanded me to take this to writ, and one other thing too which was...
and then i was woken ere as i was to be revealed the most Sacred of His words by the untimely curse of school.
May i be a prophet of our wonderful order, brothers and sisters?

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Postby dodo129 » Mon Aug 22, 2005 2:59 am

guys? Do you think i am a prophet of His noodleness?

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Postby gingermagic » Mon Aug 22, 2005 4:24 am

y'arrrrr indeed

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Postby Benedict » Mon Aug 22, 2005 5:00 am

And having fled their cruel overlords the true followers of the Noodly one did wander aimlessly in the desert, partly because they were lost and partly because they were just generally slackers, and besides they'd been working for years as slaves and were more than overdue some time off, although they were a little narked to be spending it in a desert, I mean they had asked to go somewhere sunny but this was kind of taking the piss, they could at least have had a swimming pool.

And most angry did they grow with their travel agent, and many calls did they place to this foul one, but they met only with his cursed answerphone, and so in desperation did they turn to their divine protector, that glorious noodle, the most sacred of spaghetti.

"The All you can eat Buffet we were promised has not appeared Oh Great One", they did cry. "Send unto us some kind of delicious snacks, preferably finger food of some kind as they haven't even provided the dining tables, and if you could send down some of those little things to clip a glass to the side of our plates as well, that we might mingle and spread your divine word, that would be most appreciated."

And Lo the most perfect pasta did hear their cries of anguish and did recognise that they were most hungry, not to mention extremely keen to get their money back from the travel agent. And yet they had asked for finger food, forgetting his spaghetti nature, spaghetti being the one food that cannot be eaten with fingers, and which it is probably best to wear a bib to eat as well because it always got messy, unless you were one of those weird people who know how to use a spoon to twirl it on the fork properly.

So most wrath did he grow with his people, and dark did the clouds above them grow. But that most fantastic of fusilli is a merciful god, and took pity on his people. So he did send un to them a fully equipped dining room, complete with tabelcloths and proper napkins, the full works, and did grant them a buffet with all manner of noodly delights to await them. But he was still hurt by their betrayal, and did condemn them forever more to eat nothing but pasta on their first dates with each other so that they might be embarrassed as they did dribble it all over their chins and shirts.

And later did the Great one reverse that commandment, because nobody was breeding any more because they all felt too silly and his followers were dying out, but they were still most fearful of his wrath, and never again did his people ask for finger food.

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Postby PestoManifesto » Mon Aug 22, 2005 5:29 am

The Bible will be of much use to me in the fighting of His First Challenge (assuming anyone does actually attempt the boing boing challenge).

At present I only have the knowledge gained from the good prophets of the forum, and access to the Pesto Manifesto, which is only really a secondary text anyway.


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Difference between preserve and jam?
I'm not trying to preserve religious culture.

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Postby Benedict » Mon Aug 22, 2005 6:36 am

I believe the Pesto Manifesto will be an integral chapter in the Holy Work, for he was a favoured disciple of the Great One.

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Postby Loaf32 » Mon Aug 22, 2005 8:00 am

A thousand and nine nights I did thirst.
A thousand and eleventeen days I did hunger.
An hour trip on the bus I did take.
And goodness was beheld.

I have heard the words of heresy, and they did wax painful in mine ears. The words, 'Thou doest not know that surely the ninja wouldst vex the pirate in his many ways. The coolness of land, and the sage of the air are theirs to keep, and they shall prosper as servants to the shadows, causing the pirates to lay down their swag and swords.'

'In night the pirate doest knoweth not, and his folly is that of a child lost in the fields of Canaan. Our ninjas knoweth the way, and their hearts be of purity of finest sandalwood, bringing songs to our hearts filled with the love of the Lord.'

'To this, we must turn ourselves from the folly of the pasta, of the sauces, and lo, even the balls of meat wrapped therin. The flight of the false creator exsists only in the minds of men.'

I heard these words, and I did weep, knowing their souls to be lost. I saw their cavorting before the idolatry of faith, and their ignorance of the science beheld. I uttered a solemn prayer, in my piety, and begged forgiveness for these men who will be cast aside from the grace of His noodly appendage. As I prayed, the pots in my home did boil over, and out from the steam did appear a vision which spake unto me. I scribe now what I heard that day,

'They shall not find rest. They deserveth not the moist warmth of the favor of my noodles, nor the sustenance of my meaty body, which is great. Take up the fork, and brandish it! Suffer not these blights upon concious reasoning. This I have commanded you to do, and keep the laws which I have laid down, to you and thy forefathers, the people of Boyardee.'


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cook book as holy book

Postby Noodlyoodly » Mon Aug 22, 2005 12:01 pm

autrenouille and kimgraves, I am with you! Too many holy books take this pompous tone which seems to put them above "normal" mortals. I am in favor of a cook book/recipe book oozing with luscious recipes for the pastas of the world and sauces for the soul.
The pasta is the life.

In Pastalidarity, NOOOD

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Postby Sylvie369 » Mon Aug 22, 2005 9:13 pm

Loaf32 wrote:A thousand and nine nights I did thirst.
A thousand and eleventeen days I did hunger.
An hour trip on the bus I did take.
And goodness was beheld.

I love this.
He who is not busy being born is busy dying -
Bob Dylan

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